About the Author

Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Central Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at life. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.

Why Is Kezia Telling Us To Buy Drinks?

By on Oct 30, 2008 in Game

I had to blog about this. I found this YouTube video via Seduction Chronicles, and in it, Kezia, a female dating coach, talks about the right way for guys to buy girls drinks. She says that if a guy doesn’t offer to buy a drink within the first 10′ of a new interaction, he comes off as cheap, rude, or selfish. Listen at the 1:30 mark:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-NhdpTegM8[/youtube]

Um, seriously? Kezia, you’re hot, but you’re totally off here. First off, she’s talking about the first 10 minutes of a brand new interaction, ie a pickup. She also mentions that if you act fussy about what you want, that makes it “okay” to buy the drink. That just sounds totally gay to me.

I never buy drinks for women when I try to pick them up in bars. Why would you? She’s a COMPLETE STRANGER, and if she was unattractive (fat/ugly), you wouldn’t even consider it. Just because she has a nice rack and a pretty face doesn’t entitle her to your money.

Before you get to the drink buying stage, you both have to connect, exchange a bunch of value, and she has to prove she’s not a golddigger. I would be insulted if she asked me to buy her a drink. Also, I’ve never met a girl that thought I was cheap if I didn’t offer to buy a drink within the first 10 minutes. That’s just bizarre.

I can think of a couple of circumstances where I do buy drinks during the first night of meeting a new girl.

1. We start partying with friends and people in the group have open tabs. If she’s contributing to the group fun-ness, she’s entitled to a couple of drinks on someone else’s tab.

2. She’s hung out with me for over an hour and it’s crystal clear I’m getting the number or hooking up later in the evening.

3. We’ve already made out.

4. She bought me drinks first. I’m happy to reciprocate round-for-round.

Also, if you’re dating a girl regularly or gf-bf, then yes, of course, you’ll be paying for drinks/food, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Kezia is a dating coach for PUATraining, one of the bigger European-based companies. I’ve checked out some of their other videos and they’re generally decent, but this one is just awful. Peeps, don’t try to pick up a girl by buying her a drink!

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  • http://www.worklovelife.com Holly Hoffman

    Coming from the female perspective, I can see the “cheap” thing to some extent. If the guy is getting himself a drink while he’s talking to you and you are clearly out, and he doesn’t offer, then I see it as more lacking-in-common-manners than cheap. I like to hold my own, so I usually decline. But then, as a non-drinker, I’m a cheap chat – bartenders usually assume I’m a DD and give me my cherry Coke or Red Bull on the house, then I tip generously.

    On the other hand, it’s usually more often the case that a guy attempting to ply me with free drinks is a turn-off. If you can’t hold your own with a girl who’s not tanked, then see ya. On top of that, I’m generally turned off by obvious overtures of money-waving. I make plenty, dude, so you’re going to have to come at me with more than cash and liquor. The can-I-buy-you-a-drink method is so tired I generally decline and cease paying attention to your uncreative attempts.

    Holly Hoffman´s last blog post…Lean into Your Fear

  • http://www.idatewhite.com Eathan

    This is a touchy subject. I don’t have a specific rule..but I have a style. Where I live at, Dallas, it’s very social. We buy drinks for strangers who are cheering for the same football team..for women who are beautiful and walk by us.. or just any other reason. If I’m talking to a woman and I spend more than 3 min… it looks like I’m going to spend another 5 min, I will buy a drink. It’s only $5. No love lost.

    It’s apart of me dropping the seed and watering the plant technique. Later on in the evening, when all the other idiots have washed out… I’m the cool guy that spent 10 min and payed for 1 drink. I’ve always come out ahead and carry good karma for the after party ;)

    I’ve heard from women that other parts of the country is different. Women that are new in town have turned down drinks, and i’ve had to explain to them that it’s a Texas insult to decline the drink. So I’m sure that local custom has to followed. But here in Texas.. buying a drink is the way we tell a hottie that she’s on the radar for the rest of the night. :)

    Eathan´s last blog post…No Morning Sex?

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    That’s a interesting take and it sounds like it would work. I agree with you, these customs and attitudes are very tied to the region. Kezia is based in the UK, so it’s probably different over there when it comes to the buy drinks/don’t buy drinks debate. Generally speaking, though, I don’t think her advice would work for most newbies out at the bars. Imagine a nerdy looking dude by himself at a bar approaching a hottie and trying to buy a drink within the first 10′ and you get the idea…he’s gonna get blown out.

    I do the exact thing you’re talking about, but I use touching, and we call it “kino pinging.” You open, hook, talk for a bit, and do some light touching or even a kiss on the cheek (ideal) to send the msg that she’s on the radar and you will find her later.

  • http://www.idatewhite.com Eathan

    You’re right.. some of that stuff doesn’t apply to a newbie.

    I’m going to have to research your reference material… i have to remember what product you studied.

    Eathan´s last blog post…No Morning Sex?

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    I’ve read a ton of stuff, including Mystery Method, Love Systems, RSD, and anything else that’s free and decent on the internet. The site I referenced, Seduction Chronicles, posts pretty good links to pickup products and articles.

    Lance’s last blog post…What Is Intimacy, Anyway?

  • steven cart

    In my opinion, this was a nice bit of advice, it was quick and to the point, she was giving her take on the drinks issue, and the ladies shes hangs out with, it was useful and of course, enjoyable to watch,

    Id like to see her do more videos, as I have heard great things about her in Uk

    thanks

  • http://www.projectinfinity.me/dating Infinity

    I am personally against buying women drinks. I usually get them to buy me drinks ;) But that’s only to see how much fun we’re having together. We all have our own tests, I guess.

    But Lance is right, if the interaction is going really well and you know it’s not just talk but something a little deeper, I have no problem getting them a drink.

    If she is my date for the night, I would certainly buy her a few rounds. No problem at all.

    The thing that I don’t like about this is using “buying a drink” as a means of pick up. It’s not at all an effective way to pick up. Pick up requires no money whatsoever. You show up, present yourself and that’s when the fun starts.

    Drinks can come into play later, but not as a means of pick up.

    Infinity´s last blog post…The Pick Up Artist Episode 3: Review

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    I can’t say that I’ve ever thought a man cheap if he didn’t offer to buy a drink. Then again, they usually do so I guess it’s not an issue.

    lisaq´s last blog post…Weekly Roundup

  • Me Thinks

    I didn’t watch the whole thing, I’m not into the PUA thing.

    But I can say if some dude I don’t know comes up to me at a bar and offers to buy a drink right away, the answer is NO and I’d write him off. On the other hand, if the conversation is good, my drink is empty and I actually do want another one, if he offered I’d say yes. If it went on long enough, I’d offer to get him one next.

    I have never been a girl that likes the concept that the man should buy. I usually offer to pay about 40-50% of the time. I’m too independent, I find it a total turn-off when guys insist on paying.

  • http://www.idatewhite.com Eathan

    You’re also right when it comes to pick up. When I was younger, 20, I would go to bars with my friends and bet on who had the most success with out any money. It got to the point where I would leave my wallet in the car. I got in the club for free…get drunk for free (women payed for my drinks) and then of course I always got the phone number and went home with A hottie.

    Pick up is a talent that doesn’t require any money. It just requires a willing spirit to have fun and go with the flow.

    Eathan´s last blog post…Happy Halloween

  • http://www.projectinfinity.me/dating Infinity

    To piggyback that, I think it is important that the man does initially offer to pay the first time and then go from there.

    I agree, if women are independent they are going to turned off by at guy that insists on paying for them.

    The reason they are independent guys is that they are trying to prevent guys like you trying to buy everything for them. They can do that themselves. They want you. Just you.

    Make sense?

    Infinity´s last blog post…The Pick Up Artist Episode 3: Review

  • lilez0521

    I cosign to that i agree whole-heartedly. As a carnal rule i never buy drinks for women i don’t know. If it’s friends or if i meet a woman and things go are going well, then most likely i would, but then again you can’t say what you would until you get into a situation.

  • http://freelysingle.wordpress.com Amber

    I have to agree with Eathan about regional/cultural differences. I’m a Hispanic woman, and I am not into the 50-50 money split when dating. This even translates to a club, because I tend to think if he’s too cheap to buy me a drink when he’s out having a good time; it’s not going to get any better on a serious date. That’s why I love going out in Miami, there the custom is women should never pay for a man’s drinks (or their own). Some of my purely American friends think it’s chauvanistic, I was raised to think it’s respectful. Although having lived in 4 different cities, I adjust quickly to the cultural norms and realize I can’t hold it against a guy in certain locations. Anyway, my point is it’s hard to make a blanket statement because perception is so culturally influenced.

  • Brent

    Very intriguing topic. Kezia being one of the female instructors for PUA Training has to have some insight to what the females are thinking. Now, however, from what I’ve learned from MM, AM, RSD, and such materials is that there is no specific/solidified rule in buying a drink AS LONG AS YOU AND HER are having FUN and it’s NO BIG DEAL. The reason they all it a “rule” is because if you say otherwise, the training session would not run as smoothly. Plan and simple, some people would NOT understand. I agree with the whole task giving things, and it will definitely help if you havn’t streamlined. For example, Jlaix from RSD often gives the girl the “make-out question” if she asks for a drink. Style said to ask for something in return like desserts. OR you can be nonchalant to anything regarding drinks like what Tyler did before. Then buy her a drink at a time of your choice.

    I just recently found this blog. I have to admit, it’s very interesting to read, and will keep on reading. Keep up the social life ^^.

    Brent

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Brent, thanks for reading! You’re always welcome to comment and leave your opinion.

  • http://www.angeleyesdevilsmile.com Brad

    Here’s how I work it…

    I go out to have a good time and I do well enough to burn a few bucks while I’m out.

    I buy drinks… I generally buy a lot. I’ll walk up to the bar and buy a round for a group of complete strangers and then walk away because it’s just not that big of a deal.

    I look at buying drinks as “social currency” and I’m just making deposits.

    (and because I tend to go to the same places when I DO decide to go out… and because I treat the bar staff so well… many times 30-50% of these “drinks” are free anyway)

    And the thing is… if you “seed” the right group of people, you’ll be introduced to everyone in the bar…

    … and you likely won’t have to pay for any more drinks that night.

    The problem occurs when guys buy drinks to “get something out of a situation”… then get disappointed when they don’t get the result that they were looking for… and it SHOWS.

    And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve went to a place that I’ve “seeded” one or two times before and not had to buy a drink all night… because they keep getting FORCED at you… and people/groups/bartenders won’t TAKE your money.

    So, buy drinks to contribute to FUN, not to get ass.

    Believe me, it comes around full circle when done in this manner.

    Just remember, if you completely SHUN buying drinks, then you’re basically throwing the baby out with the bath water.

    Brad´s last blog post…The Natural Art Of The Pick Up

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Brad, thanks for wading in. That’s a good attitude and good way to go. Pretty solid social circle game. I’ve “invested” in the party by buying rounds because it definitely comes back around. I do it with my friends and in party situations ALL the time…did a bunch of that on Saturday night, in fact.

    The context in Kezia’s video really wasn’t social circle, rather it was a cold approach 1-on-1 thing, although you could certainly add the social circle element to anything she said. I just really didn’t like the way she suggested that a guy who doesn’t buy a drink shortly after opening is cheap or selfish.

    Lance´s last blog post…What Is Intimacy, Anyway?

  • http://www.angeleyesdevilsmile.com Brad

    lol… I hear ya… and now that I’m thinking about it, it does seem that she’s taking the “choice” away from the guy and putting a “rule” in place.

    But what do I know, I break all the rules anyway…

    … I lean in to talk…

    … I buy drinks for strange women…

    … I act interested in what people have to say (because I usually am)…

    Hell, for all the “rule breaking”… I should NEVER get any action…

    … oh, but I guess the rule breaking makes me a rebel… hahahahahaha

    I’ve really got only one rule:

    “Have fun and look good doing it…” :)

  • http://bobbyboys.blogspot.com/ bobby

    This is a first for me! I never even thought about reasons why I shouldn’t buy a lady a drink within any period of time (then again, I’m no dating expert)…:)

    I was introduced to the PUA thing by HAF’s blog. I tend to wish things were a lot more simple.

    bobby´s last blog post…Helping us to help ourselves.