Honeys last blog post..Can You Teach An Old Dog New Tricks?

I actually feel better after reading this, thanks for brightening up my day!

Mike Stoutes last blog post..Roosh Says: Use What She’s Giving You

@Taoist Biker, I think it’s wonderful that you were able to both commit to change! It shows what’s possible when both people recognize the same problem(s).

@lisaq, I agree that the hardest thing to realize is that you don’t control how other people see you. Sometimes you have to be the one to take decisive action and it sucks! But like you say, the amount you learn makes the time spent valuable in the long run.

Honeys last blog post..When is Enough, Enough?

Fast forward two years and we reconnected as friends. I knew then that given the opportunity I could never date him again and that ending it was the right thing to do.

It was hard…harder than hell and it very nearly broke me. But time brings clarity and healing. Waste of time? Nope. I learned so much during that relationship about myself and about relationships in general. Though it was tough, it was definitely worth the time.

I will say that a few years back I very nearly got divorced, and being on the brink of divorce ended with both my wife and I making some quite significant changes in ourselves. But to be perfectly honest, things were so far gone that you could probably say that we WERE changing for our next relationship – it just so happened that our next relationship was with each other again.

Taoist Bikers last blog post..Piece me together…

My ‘enough is enough’ moment came many times during my last serious relationship. It was on, off, on, off…it became draining.
Emotionally exhausting.

We both knew of the problems and destructive patterns we formed, yet, we just couldn’t seem to fix them.
It was like flogging a long dead horse.

He’s eventually the one who ended it for good with me, as I still held the belief that we could ‘fix everything’. It was horribly dramatic and at the time I thought he was the coldest bastard ever.

Now, two years later, I realize that’s what he had to do in order to be strong and end it.
I had a few moments in the past couple of years when I thought about him, with great sadness and regret that we couldn’t make it work.
But, I know that it’s for the best.
We were poison to each other.

It just goes to prove that just because you love someone it doesn’t mean you should be with them. That being said though, I do feel that some couples give up too quickly, expecting a quick fix and not getting it, they tend to walk away from something truly viable out of pure frustration.

The question you have to ask yourself is this:

Has the bad started to dramatically outweigh the good?
If so, either commit to fixing it, or bail.
But never ever stick with bad, it isn’t worth it.

Obviously people can and do evolve and change (both individually and within their relationships) all the time. The point that I was trying to make is that if you’re unhappy (say, with the way someone treats you), then you can’t force someone to change (or even recognize that change is necessary) if they feel that everything is fine.

And, in fact, you can’t force anyone to change, ever. In deciding when “enough is enough,” both people have to be equally invested in the relationship and in the compromises necessary for that relationship to work.

This post is about not only recognizing when that isn’t the case, but taking action based on that recognition. Too many people are OVERLY invested in having a relationship–any relationship–and not nearly as invested in their own happiness. Ideally, investment in one should be part and parcel of investment in the other.

Honeys last blog post..When is Enough, Enough?

Also, the idea that you can’t change with the person you are with troubles me. I am happily married and I think my wife and I are evolving all the time. Maybe we aren’t, but I like to think we are and so does she. To me, it seems a little defeatist to think you can’t.

But if you are dating and don’t have as much invested as we do, then maybe the concept works just fine…

Great post!

Kevin (ReturnToManliness)s last blog post..Manly Virtue: Temperance (10 Steps To Self-Control And Self-Discipline)