My mother came down with multiple sclerosis when I was about 11. My parents were also mismatched so they fought hard and nasty all of the time.

In high school I watched my mothers health deteriorate and my older sister change from the pressures of taking care of us.

When I got to college I didn’t complain about the quality of the dorms. I was just happy to be someplace without vitriolic fighting

Kind of a *shake fist at sky* *vow never to make that mistake again* *lightning, thunder, radioactive spider bite* deal.

Janak´s last blog post…Paid adult dating site review – ALT.com

@C, I’ve been surprised by how supportive people have been, too. And I get you about the blog – I run some things by the BF before posting, even now.

@Simon, thanks! But I have to wonder – why do you feel like you’d need to “take care of” a girlfriend? The trick is to find someone as strong as you are and then take care of each other. One of the hardest lessons I learned as a result of my experience was not to pick people whose lives were disasters. I can slip into managing other people’s lives almost without noticing, it’s so automatic – so I picked a lot of downward spirals in college.

@Holly, I hear ya, sister. And thanks for the compliment

@dadshouse, yes there are plenty of other things I used to share that no longer feel particularly relevant. The fact that my first college boyfriend was a huge douche, for example! It comes up eventually but doesn’t really matter as far as how I interact with people now.

@DD – thanks. I think it is tough for people who have gone through things like I have to think of themselves as strong or compassionate, because you certainly don’t feel that way inside a lot of the time. And I’ve been on the other side of “the talk,” too – and I should blog about it sometime because I definitely let my own empathy for his situation cloud my judgment of his character in other regards. Weird!

@evilwoobie, aromatic herbs sound all right to me!

@Janak – has anyone ever lasted longer?

@PT-LawMom, protecting your heart is wise – and, as you say, you will find it is all unnecessary when you finally find someone strong enough to be with you.

Honey´s last blog post…When Do You Have “The Talk”?

PT-LawMom´s last blog post…36 Days In and the Ultimate Walk of Shame

It’s obviously worked wonders for you in more ways than I can count, and a guy who puts your “50% chance of something happening in the future” thing ahead of who you are right now is missing the point.

Keep doing what you’re doing.

Steve Errey – The Confidence Guy´s last blog post…Dating Without Confidence Will Never Work

Mine is that I will get bored of you and leave within two years.

Janak´s last blog post…Paid adult dating site review – ALT.com

Here’s my “talk”

“I’m considered weird by some people, even by friends. First, I prevent them from doing things because of a dream I had the other night. If you can deal with having a pagan altar in our house, and the smell of aromatic herbs daily, we can live together.”

On the topic of having “the talk,” clearly the BF is (a) an upstanding guy, and (b) absolutely crazy about you, because it takes both of those qualities and more to fully embrace someone for everything that they are. Both my sister-in-law and a good friend have MS, and they both say that “breaking the news” to their husbands (then-boyfriends, one of which is my brother) wasn’t nearly as bad as they feared because both guys were already crazy about them and accepted them completely and enthusiastically. I think if you find the right person, having “the talk” can be a very liberating experience and one which bonds the couple even more than they were already.

Fortunately, I don’t have any serious news to break to potential boyfriends, but, like everyone, I have personal information that I don’t just lay out on the table on date #1. Sometimes it goes over relatively well, but sometimes the guy flips out and never wants to see me again (which is what happened last fall when I shut down the blog after he stumbled upon it). If I feel comfortable with the guy and think he can handle it, I tell him. Sadly, most guys don’t fit this criteria!

I’ve also been on the other side of the table when I guy I had been dating for about a month had his “talk” with me, and although the news came as quite an uncomfortable surprise, I definitely think that it made us a lot closer, and we wound up dating for another six months or so, breaking up for a completely unrelated reason.

Sorry for such a long-winded comment, but this is such an interesting topic. Thanks for writing about it and being so honest with us.

The Dateable Dork´s last blog post…My Craigslist missed connection: the Subway Adonis

I used to have “the talk” about a few things in my life with women I started dating. I no longer do that. Anything I’d say has more to do with past issues than the future, so I just keep quiet.

I think “the talk” can be hard for some to handle, especially when there’s serious issues involved. Maybe it’s best saved for when two people are very close. But every situation is unique! So giving blanket advice does no good.

dadshouse´s last blog post…Do Divorced Dads Need to Have More Kids to Find Love?