About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

What It’s Really Like to Be in a Relationship

Lest you think it’s all having your clothes ripped off and having hot sex all night, I thought I would share a couple vignettes that are fairly representative of Jake and I.

#1: Why Bother to Do It Yourself?

It’s 7:17 a.m. on a Tuesday morning.  I have already showered, brushed my teeth, etc. and am in the closet choosing my outfit for the day.  The door to our walk-in closet is in the bathroom, so although I’m not far from the bedroom in actual distance, I am two rooms away.

I hear Jake call, “Baby, what time is it?”

I yell back through the two closed doors, “I’m in the closet, and you’re lying on the bed with a clock on either side of you.

He replies, “But I’m not wearing my contacts, so I’d have to turn my head and squint!”

Yes.  Clearly it is easier for me to come in from another room, put my head right next to his head, and read the clock to him from 1.5 feet away.

#2: In Fact, Why Think At All?

It’s 6:15 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon.  He was going to take off work early to meet me down by my work, where there’s a brand new farmer’s market.  Despite the fact that he left work before I did and I was walking there, I arrived way before he did.  Slightly exasperated, I texted him, “Traffic? :-(”

He called back, “I just got off [x freeway].”

Peeps, if you take x freeway, the highway drive is twice as long as if you take y freeway.  Plus, he has no excuse for not knowing this because he’s lived in this city since he was 9 years old.  He went to undergrad at the institution where I work now, for Pete’s sake.

#3: Is It Just All Men?

But it’s not just Jake…these stories remind me of a fellow I dated in grad school who was otherwise very smart but would say things like, “I just bought a new phone and the cord isn’t long enough for where I want to put the phone, so I’m going to have to spend the day rearranging furniture,” and when I said, “Why don’t you just buy a longer cord?” he said, “They sell those?”

Or there was the time this fellow said, “I really want to order [x] at this restaurant, but it comes with potatoes and I want rice,” and when I said, “Why don’t you just ask for rice?” he said, “Can they do that?”


#4: No, It’s Everyone at Some Point…

No, this won’t be a story about me, although there are plenty.  But this is way better and I simply have to share.  First, you need to know that at my job I manage 7 graduate programs.  Part of this means that I get inquiries all the time from prospective applicants.  I got a call the other day from a girl in Detroit that takes the crown of “least understanding of how graduate schools operate, ever,” which was previously worn by some girl who asked me 2 weeks before our application deadline what the GRE was.

Phone rings.

“Hi, I have some questions about your [graduate] program.”

“Okay, what would you like to know?”

“How much do [people in this field] make?”

Why would she ask me that?  Not to mention, I have no idea.  I mean, our faculty salaries are public information, but I’ve never looked it up – plus we’re a public institution in a poor state, so that wouldn’t be representative of the field in any case.  I imagine there are easily google-able sites with information on what such people make in private industry, but I’ve never looked that up, either.  I go with the relatively neutral, “I’m actually not  sure, but I know it varies widely.”

“Okay.  What’s your mascot?”


I answer, but then it’s followed by, “Is this the only university in Arizona?”


I answer, and it’s followed by, “How do I register?”

This is actually a question I get a lot – admission is so pro forma at most undergraduate institutions that many folks don’t understand that even at public universities, many graduate programs are highly competitive and that even if they pay to apply, they might not get in.

So I say, “Our application deadline for Fall 2010 is January 1.”

“No, I mean to register for this fall.”

“Well, the semester started 3 weeks ago, so we can’t do that.”

“What about spring?”

“We don’t have spring admissions.”

“Well, I’m not interested, then.”

Oh, honey, it’s mutual.

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  • http://www.relationship-journal.com Mikko Kemppe – Relationship Coach

    “But I’m not wearing my contacts, so I’d have to turn my head and squint!”

    I like Jake :)! And yes, it is all men :)…
    .-= Mikko Kemppe – Relationship Coach´s last blog …Polyamory: Is It a Good Idea? =-.

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    Haha! Priceless! 😀
    .-= lisaq´s last blog …How NOT to Pick Up Women in a Dive Bar =-.

  • http://tsquest.blogspot.com T


    Great stories! And yeah, I think when we get into relationships, sometimes its just easier to spread the brain power between two people.

    .-= T´s last blog …Don’t know nothin’ bout me =-.