What Honey said in her post on sexual compatibility has been on my mind the last few days.
I had to search my memory banks to see if I ever had an encounter similar to what Honey described, where there was instant attraction that led to perfect sexual compatibility without a lot of flirting, talking, game, or other fluff in between. The way she describes it, it was just a perfect fit, from start to finish.
I have two examples worth recapping, both of which I blogged about in the past. The first was Gina, a wonderful gal I picked up on my last weekend in Tennessee, before moving back to Florida. I met Gina in line at a Mexican bar, we partied together the whole evening, and in the end I took her home and bonked her brains out. We had sex through the night, all morning, until 4pm the next day, stopping only to nap, talk, and hydrate. When the marathon session ended, I was shaking from low blood sugar.
When I met her, there was an instant spark and I knew immediately that if we did the dirty deed, it would be spectacular. I could just tell because everything from our verbal wordplay to our touching to our attraction was electric. The sex was all that and more. Everything fit right and our sex styles meshed perfectly. PERFECTLY. Gina would have made a brilliant companion too, so it’s an awful irony that I moved away in less than 48 hours. We had one more encounter after that, a weekend beach sextacular, that was every bit as insane as the first.
Sex with Gina was so good, it destroyed my previous scale of how good sex could be. My previous 10 was now a 6, and my new 10 was in outer space. The encounter was a huge turning point for me.
The second chica was Teri, the lovely Sagittarius chick I dated one summer. This one was interesting, because I wasn’t that physically attracted to her, at least at first, but I sensed a spark so I pursued her. When we had sex, it was TOTAL wild gorilla sex, a multi-hour porno happening in real life. It was actually more intense and more focused than sex with Gina, because we both let ourselves unleash on an emotional level that was highly erotic and overwhelmingly intense.
Hard to convey the unleashing, but here’s an example: I would fuck Teri missionary style, she would have several stacked orgasms, each one building in intensity–while this was happening, she would whisper into my ear how she thought I was a beautiful and amazing sex God. On the last orgasm, the most intense one, she asked me to kiss her deeply while she was coming, which was incredible. Then she would weep for a bit, then laugh. Then she would straddle me cowgirl style and fuck me mega hard while I slapped her ass, talked filthy dirty to her, until I blew my load. Oh yeah, while THAT was happening, she was verbally insulting my manhood and clawing my chest. We would do that for hours. It was a physical and emotional roller coaster and super exhausting.
With Teri, we ignited our fantasies and were in physical communion. It was an 10.5 out of 10 sexual compatibility. Thinking back on it now, it was too intense, the kind of sex I would only want to have maybe once every couple of weeks.
It was very much like a drug. I craved it, I simply couldn’t get enough of it, and it screwed me up mentally. Why? Because once we stopped having sex, the companionship was absolutely horrible. She was incapable of showing affection or emotion outside of the bedroom so I would work to get us back into a sexual state just to get the emotional fix. I would use every pickup and game trick that I knew to manipulate her state because I wanted to get us back to that place where we were unleashing our deepest emotions. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. But we never clicked outside of the bedroom despite being amazing inside of it. It’s kind of retarded.
In Teri’s case, the sex was too good, too intense, too dark, more than I was ready for. I don’t think I want to be in that space again unless things get really weird for me . I would sacrifice down to a 9 of 10 on the sex scale if the companionship was up to snuff.
Sexual compatibility is hard to find (and keep) and hard to come to terms with. The sex component of a relationship is as important as the companionship component, and to ignore it is to invite doom on your relationships. Start by identifying your own sexual style, tastes, and embracing what you need. Embrace who you are.
I recognized my sexual style and values just a few years ago. The tipping point for me was reading the ebook The Sex God Method, by Daniel Rose. It really jived with me because it’s all about mental bedroom game, fantasy, and dirty talk, which is what gets me off. From there, I watched a lot of porn videos, read more stuff, and narrowed down what fantasy I liked and what didn’t do it for me. The third step was experimentation with my partners and trying stuff until I found what really worked. Finally, I developed a distinct style and sexual values.
If there’s a voice in the back of your head that whispers that something isn’t right with your sex life or that you’re missing something, don’t ignore it. Listen and respond.
Now that I’ve written this, I think I want to get into some dark, really weird kinky shit.