Comments on: What Is Intimacy, Anyway?

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 02:01:12 +0000

So, I was sort of revisiting this intimacy post (on a Saturday night; go figure!) and googled “intimacy” (cause I google everything), and came upon this Web site: http://www.completelynaked.co.uk/intimacy7.htm#, in which artists were asked to send in “photographic images representing intimacy” as “part of our research for ‘INTIMACY (human people)” Needless to say, a lot of nudity and a lot of sexual shots (which is what many people think of when it comes to intimacy, evidently), but the picture on that page of gallery thirty two actually captures an odd slice of intimacy moment. I have no idea what’s going on, but it is incredibly real. And intimate.

By: Erika

Erika — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:54:01 +0000

hey guys,

ever heard of non-violent communication? It has tons to offer for intimate relationships — and also for creating intimacy instantly with strangers. I’ve written a lot about it on my blog, for example: http://awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com/2008/10/compassion-bring-it-everywhere-you-go.html

among others, I recommend Kelly Bryson’s book Don’t be Nice Be Real, which is based in NVC practice.

cheers,
Erika
http://www.awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com

Erika´s last blog post…Wow, this is cool. Thanks Rori

By: Lance

Lance — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 18:38:55 +0000

You’re absolutely right about having a strong inner self to be able to become properly intimate. I think many marriages fail because folks aren’t self-loving enough, secure enough, or even have a concept of what strong, mature inner game should be.

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:47:03 +0000

Physical intimacy rocks! And it can be achieved without emotional intimacy. That's where lovers come in. You are right that emotional intimacy can lead to unloading baggage and a co-dependent relationship. Those things suck. Spiritual intimacy makes me think of tantric sex... Great post. I'll think more on this and see what my intimate self-loving casual self can come up with. dadshouse´s last blog post...Where Did My Mojo Go?

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:57:17 +0000

And more more thing (now that I've had my second cup o' joe ...!); I don't think you can ever have true intimacy with someone unless we ourselves can accept and love and embrace our naked, raw selves. That's why in the book Dad's House references, the author goes from one hookup to another, searching for what's missing inside — love, respect, etc. It's such a stupid cliche and I know that, coming from California, it can easily be made fun of, but really, we need to love ourselves first. Kat Wilder´s last blog post...Shrinkage; it's not just for men

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:26:37 +0000

Hey Lance, Very nicely written. I agree that we often don't understand what intimacy is, although we say we want "it," the undefined it. Sex can bring intimacy (it is an intimate act, after all), but that probably isn't the intimacy that's the right "it," thus so many (women, mostly) who say you can't have great sex with a booty call and without love blah, blah, blah. You can, but that's not the intimacy in the way we say we want it. Intimacy, to me, is going to that deeper, raw emotional side with someone, and that can include friends, not just lovers. When you place yourself before another and say, "this is me, warts and all" and the other person does the same. And you're each OK with it, ya know? Kat Wilder´s last blog post...Shrinkage; it's not just for men

By: lilez0521

lilez0521 — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 11:50:18 +0000

Great post Lance. This really makes me wonder about what intimacy actually really is. I think with intimacy it’s one of those things that can’t be put into a definite category. There’s an infinite number of ways to experience intimacy with your partner besides sex, although sex is probably one of default routes we choose in expressing feelings of intimacy and love.

By: lisaq

lisaq — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 11:08:07 +0000

Great post Lance! I think a lot of people throw the word intimacy around without really knowing what it is or how it applies to them in their lives. Your post gives us lots to ponder. lisaq´s last blog post...How to Know if You’re Suffering From Dating Burnout

By: T

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:28:23 +0000

Lance, I love this post! What a wonderful idea to look further into our definition and help us truly define what it is we're looking for. I actually prefer intimacy that leads to sex... that's just me. I am a feeling person and though sex may be wonderful to simply DO, I have to FEEL in order to truly enjoy it. I am going to read some of the articles you linked to. I think they will be helpful. Oh and I agree about focusing on a future with a partner rather than digging up the past. However, sometimes it is helpful to understand why we do the things that we do. And sometimes its because of something that happened in a previous relationship. Awareness helps, even if you choose not to share the reason with your partner. T´s last blog post...Fork in the Blog

By: graham

graham — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:56:17 +0000

Since I am currently going through a divorce, I myself prefer the intimacy with sex. I have been with the same woman since I was 16. I can’t imagine having a ONS with someone I just met. I am sure I will one day but I am one of those guys who likes to “get close” to a woman before I get close to her.

Let’s see if I have the same attitude after a couple of months without sex…