Ahhhh! This whole vegetarian experiment is just making me angry!! This is by far the hardest month-long experiment I’ve ever done, much harder than when I quit drinking or abstained from sex. Oops, wasn’t supposed to mention that last part.
Fuck, seriously though, I started getting halluchinations about 3 days ago and my mental faculties in general are degrading rapidly. You know that scene in the old school cartoons where the wolf is starving and everything looks like pork chops and sides of beef? That’s where I’m at. I am the hungry wolf.
Memory loss, blindness, partial nerve damage. My sex drive tanked around day 6. I couldn’t get it up if a bunch of slutty sorority girls begged me for a reverse gangbang.
Over the last 13 days my roommate has called me variously a “vag,” “queer,” “homo,” “Liberace gay,” “uber gay,” and “stupid dumbass.”
Seriously though, I’ve been eating Tofurkey Italian sausages like they’re going out of style and last night I scrambled eggs and made hash browns just to fill up on something other than spinach. How the fuck do you people do this? More importantly, why?
Now I know what starving children in Ethiopia feel like. I can empathize with them and thus feel the crushing spiritual defeat that is world hunger. I am doing this as a statement against the tyranny of the fattened materialistic Western Society. I am a symbol.
I’ve lost 4 pounds since and my biceps and pecs have shriveled into nothingness. I want a cheeseburger. I deserve one.
Seriously though, the hardest part is eating out, because purely vegetarian options are limited. Hmmm salad or salad? Spinach queasadilla or mushroom? Pasta with marinara or alfredo? Super gay!
Cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger: