Three Quick Things I Learned From Recent Dates

I’ve been on a flurry of dates recently and I’ve noticed three interesting things…

1. Interesting thing #1, or My Chodey Behavior: I’m aggressive and really fast during the initial stage of attraction (ie first date), which is great, but then I keep the pace too intense and it’s screwing me up for the next stages. Basically, I’m too fast for too long. I made an adjustment and varied up the pace. I had a second date with this tall, nerdy girl that I met at a pool party a couple of weeks ago. Instead of overwhelming her with my Lance-ness, I sat back and basically didn’t touch her all night. I let the conversation flow and eventually we talked about fun stuff, like sex. She ended up straddling my lap and making out with me and I didn’t do anything to make it happen other than sit there and look cool. So, that was a good adjustment.

I recommend varying the pacing and intensity during the early dating phases to keep things interesting. Let her be the aggressor for a bit. This is especially important if you’re interested in making her your girlfriend vs. an immediate lay.

Also, what’s the deal with tall chicks bagging on shorter guys? This nerdy chick is as tall as me and it. Doesn’t. Make. Any. Difference. Maybe it’s because I’m such a fucking sex machine badass? What do you think?

2. Interesting thing #2, or Don’t Talk About Dumb Stuff: Have you ever heard this advice: Don’t talk about marriage and having kids on a first date, and definitely don’t judge a person by their age or the age of their friends? I’ve seen that advice a lot. Well, this tall, nerdy girl talked about all three right off the bat and it was a huge turnoff. She even went so far as to bash me for being younger than her (by two years, big whoop) and that my friends being younger than her would be a huge problem. I literally got up and started heading for the door. She insisted I stay. Then I called her a craddle robber and made her admit that she thought the age difference was hot. Then I made her describe her masturbatory fantasies to me while we made out on the couch. It was great.

Advice: Work on attracting your partner in the early phases. Don’t talk about your strict requirements for age, marriage, having kids, etc or else they’ll run for the hills.

3. Interesting thing #3, or I Don’t Care About Sex: I don’t give two craps about getting laid on a first (or second) date. I kind of don’t care about getting laid at all. When did that happen? Sometime recently I fully realized an abundance mindset and now it doesn’t bug me to not get with a chick. If it happens it happens. If not, that’s fine too. This is making me appreciate her other qualities, and, to be quite honest, it’s making me appreciate my qualities. I also think it’s having the effect of making me more attractive.

I’m dating three chicks at the same time right now. It’s kind of weird, but cool. I’ll blog about that later.

  • Hammer

    lol dude I totally noticed the same thing about the pacing on early dates. I think that once you’ve slept with a girl you have to really slow down the pacing and sort of let her come to you. The trick is you can’t let her get the impression that you came into the date with the expectation of sex. My best guess as to why this is has to do with her feeling like she’s being pigeon-holed as a fuck buddy when she’s trying to get into relationship zone. I made this mistake early on in my date last weekend with a girl who was a same night lay, and thought for sure that I blew it, but backing off for long enough worked and she ended up managing the logistics for me.

    I talk about “dumb stuff” all of the time, but I guess I know how to do it in an attraction building way. I use it as a screening technique, and probably more importantly, a framing technique. Like I’ll very frequently talk about how I don’t ever want to get legally married because I think divorce laws are incredibly unfair to men. I talk about politics, religion, sex, relationship theory, exes, all within the first hour of meeting someone quite frequently, and it always flies.

    I stand by the idea that you don’t want to get too emotionally attached to someone before knowing if the sex is going to be good. I really don’t need to talk to someone very long to know if they’re going to be my type, and after that I just want to establish compliance and dominance early and empower their sexuality. If those things don’t happen it’s usually because they’re insecure about sex and I slow track/friend zone them.
    .-= Hammer´s last blog …Not Getting the Results You Want? =-.

  • Honey

    All solid realizations.

    I have to say, that I really dislike most people who are younger than me. Not everyone, but 90% of them. Also, the older I get, the more of a difference it makes.

    Although, perhaps that is just because I feel like so many of the mistakes I made when I was younger could have been avoided and am projecting.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Three Quick Things I Learned From Recent Dates =-.

  • Janak

    I have this feeling that you guys are going to end up coming full circle. Take that any way you want.
    .-= Janak´s last blog … review =-.

  • Eathan

    It sounds like you’re getting some Swagga. It’s that don’t give a crap attitude. And that kind of confidence is a turn on for women. Great job in changing up your game and approach.
    .-= Eathan´s last blog …Biracial Hair Issues =-.

  • used tires

    As far as #3, I am thinking that it is only natural because in the end we can have the sex, but what matters the most is the other qualities. I think once we’ve had the sex alot… the other qualities start becoming more important. Just my take on it…

    Till then,


  • dadshouse

    Asking too many big-issue questions on a first date really sucks. It turns dating into a big interview. Where’s the fun in that?

    Dating multiple women at once is a great way to go. Takes the pressure off. And if one woman isn’t available, another one usually is.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog …A Single Mom and Her Super Cute Daughter =-.