Honey
dan
David Black
dadshouse
Girlwithnoname (Jackie)
Shannon
OffwingerThought Leader Interview Series: David Wygant
By Lance on Jan 12, 2009 in Dating
Happy New Year! The Thought Leader Interview Series continues, this time with the Granddaddy of Dating Coaches, David Wygant. There’s really not much more to say except that Wygant has some SCATHING things to say about the pickup community. Read on…
You can find David’s product site and blog at davidwygant.com.
1. Based on your experience, what is your perspective on modern dating and how has it evolved?
With online dating you have the opportunity to meet people anywhere and you also have to stay in contact with the people via text message. I think with text messaging, people have really stopped reaching out and stopped calling. Men have actually become more passive. They just text and they want a women who texts back. So things have changed.
2. How has online dating affected the playing field?
It made the playing field a lot more interesting, but it hasn’t really affected it as much as you think, considering that a lot of people don’t do online dating. Secondly, there are so many more men online just like in bars. Online dating is just like an online bar. So basically, what happens is women will have a lot more choice. But the problem is they get so many guys who don’t understand the concepts of how to date online and they get frustrated and don’t want to date and they don’t want to meet these guys.
3. Where do you see dating and courtship headed in the future, like in 10 or 20 years?
I have no idea. I’m not somebody who predicts the future. Because if I could predict the future I would win the lottery and I wouldn’t really waste my time on dating or anything else. So I have no idea where I think it’s going to go. I think people are going to get lazier. I think people will text message. I think people will be sending each other video chats. I think flirting is going to be more interesting, but people are going to hide behind electronic devices more and more as time goes on. That’s just my feeling about it.
4. What are your real thoughts on pickup and PUA’s in general?
I can’t stand pick up artists. I think these are just a bunch of geeky guys that basically spent years masturbating in their house, wishing they could be cool, and they came up with a system to meet low-quality women. Because the fact is, pick-up works on women who are very insecure, because their stuff is so transparent it’s ridiculous. That’s how I feel on the outside about pick up artists. I also think that they also benefit because they give guys a little sense of structure and gets them out of the house. But the problem is eventually you need to learn real confidence and that’s something that I’ve always been teaching people. I just think these guys, with their nicknames, they’re just childish man-boys out there running around, I never liked them, never will, never respected them. I only respect one, and I won’t tell you who it is…
5. What is your best piece of advice for someone looking to find love and get in a healthy relationship?
My best piece of advice is to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself you will never get into a healthy relationship, ever. Process yourself, figure yourself out, take the time to learn yourself and process each relationship. If you do that you will always get in to a very healthy relationship.
Here’s the original post that inspired the interview series. Be sure to check out the interviews with the other thought leaders:
- Thought Leader Interview Series: Sinn
- Thought Leader Interview Series: 30
- Thought Leader Interview Series: Asian Rake
I’ve been making a New Year’s resolution to toss/delete all my “material” because for reasons too deep to go into, I think it’s harmed me more than helped. That is, tossed almost everything but a select few who I think are more realistic, and Wygant is one of those who stays on my RSS reader. Great blog and I do agree a lot with what he says.
Wow, great interview Lance! Wygant really spoke his mind.
I really appreciate this: “If you don’t love yourself you will never get into a healthy relationship, ever. Process yourself, figure yourself out, take the time to learn yourself and process each relationship.”
I just put myself back online after almost two years and Wygant’s perception is so TRUE!
“Men have actually become more passive. They just text and they want a women who texts back.”
Hahaha! This interview is KILLER. The PUA paragraph perfectly articulates all my thoughts about pick-up, and I really wish I could give David Wygant a hug right now.
David – if you are in New York, please schedule a visit so I can hug you, ok? Thank you for saying what many people don’t have the balls to say. There’s nothing more attractive than a man with BALLS.
Lance – thanks for putting this out there. Love it, love it, love it.
I think he’s being too judgmental about pick-up. When you look at pickup through the lens of Mystery on that VH-1 show, then yeah, it’s out of whack. But that’s TV! It’s entertainment.
Deep down, I think there are core principles in pick-up that really do work. And they don’t conflict with Wygand’s view (that I share) that you should love yourself first and be confident when you approach women.
The point Wygand perhaps misses is that some people lack that confidence – maybe because they were torn apart by a divorce. And so, like Dumbo the elephant with his feather, sometimes you need a confidence boosting mental placebo to get you going through the dating motions again.
I’m not saying that’s the case for all PUA’s – I’m saying don’t discount pickup entirely.
I love David Wygant’s stuff. I actually had the opportunity to listen to him speak in SF, and it was very inspiring.
Pua Lingo´s last blog post…Nice Guy