This is part 2 in a series of interviews with dating coaches and social artists. This is based on my original post, 7 Thought Leaders in the Dating and Pickup Industry.
This interview is with 30, a professional life and dating coach, and author of The Reality Method blog.
“I hope the world in 20 years is more filled with loving intention, and there is less of a gender war, less ego-based striving, and more loving acceptance for everyone involved. But I think that’s up to us” –30
1. Based on your experience, what is your perspective on modern dating and how has it evolved in the last decade or so?
I think the biggest change has been the Internet. It’s now socially acceptable to find romantic partners using the Internet. It used to be a dirty idea — even a decade ago, people would refer to “those Internet chat rooms” in hushed tones like they were talking about something transgressive. It’s more acceptable now to do some, or all, of your dating online.
In addition, the Internet has allowed the proliferation of “dating advice” — the “seduction industry” included — that was otherwise impossible. Arcane knowledge that used to be passed down from father to son is now common knowledge, thanks originally to Usenet, and then seduction mega sites, and now a mind-numbing proliferation of blogs.
I also think people are being more open and honest about their intentions. Both guys and girls feel more comfortable telling each other exactly what they want, whether it be a relationship or non-strings-attached sex. For the most part, I think this is a change for the better.
2. How has pickup affected the playing field, and do you see pickup
going mainstream any time soon?
I think pickup *is* mainstream.
I think pickup has affected the playing field in a positive way. Women are now wiser to “the game” and upping their game as a result. The “arms race” between men and women will never slow down. The fact that men are now getting access to some socio-emotional-sexual information technology is only fair, in my opinion, in light of all the seduction technology women have . . . makeup, Wonderbras, high heels, liposuction — to say nothing of preferential fat deposits on breasts and hips and a hidden fertility cycle.
The truth is, though, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
3. Where do you see dating & courtship headed in the future, like in
10 or 20 years from now?
I have no idea. I hope the world in 20 years is more filled with loving intention, and there is less of a gender war, less ego-based striving, and more loving acceptance for everyone involved. But I think that’s up to us.
4. What’s your best piece of advice for someone jumping into the
dating pool? How about looking for a healthy relationship?
To jump into the pool: just get started. It doesn’t matter where you start, as long as you *do* start.
Looking for a healthy relationship: work on yourself. Whether that takes 5+ years of intensive psychotherapy and medication or joining a transcendental meditation group, I don’t care, but realize that *you* have to be healthy before you will get into a healthy relationship.
If you can’t afford psychopharmacology or meditation groups, get a library card. It’s amazing what you can learn about yourself, and how much you can improve your mental and emotional life, for free.
(This is, incidentally, why my blog is free and I don’t sell any products — except coaching, on a very limited basis — I think the means to heal oneself ought to be freely available to all).
5. What’s on the horizon for 30+ in 2009?
I’m relocating to San Fransico early in the year. After that maybe I’ll strike up a conversation with some beautiful women.
Be sure to check out the interviews with these thought leaders: