The Weekly: Penelope Trunk Hates Us Edition

Again a bit late with the Weekly but it’s all good my peeps. I was sucking down tequila shots on Friday night and that basically shot me for the rest of the weekend. What else? I’ve been talking online with a nice MILF who is a video game geek, my LDFB is coming down to visit in August, and generally I’ve been enjoying my summer. What, you expected me to invent cold fusion over here?

Brazen Careerist - A Career Center for Generation Y

Big news this week is that our sassy little blog has joined the Brazen Careerist network. Are you f’ing kidding me? I hope all those Gen Y and entrepreneurial geeks are ready for our brand of Honey and Lance love, and by love I mean money shots and pooper sex. Seriously though, thanks for letting us in the gate. If you found us through the Careerist, welcome! We’re R-rated at the minimum and generally not work safe. If you can get past the sexual hijinks, we’re pretty normal people. At least Honey is. I’m kind of a douche.

We’ll see how long we last…I have a feeling that as soon as Penelope Trunk reads my dirty sex posts we’re gonna get dropped like a week-old turd.

Oh yeah, if you’re a regular honeyandlance reader and you want to have some idea of what I look like, there’s a tiny head shot buried on my Brazen page…

On to the Weekly. First article I found via the frontpage of Brazen Careerist about the high cost of long distance relationships. Is your long distance beau worth a $500 plane ticket every month? Hmm. I’m very much against LDR’s, but to each their own. I do have a long distance FB though, and I know she’s going to cost me some dough. She’s flying in and we’re doing a long weekend at the beach. I say: fuck it. It’s only money. It’s very much worth it to me to connect deeply with this girl and have sexy fun for the weekend.

Our good friend David Mott is on vacation and he’s left the keys to his blog with a raft of guest bloggers. I dunno, he must have been stoned. Anyway, his perfectly respectable blog about single parenting and dating has been taken over by the riffraff. You can read my guest post here, where I give dating tips to 40-something men. I got hammered a bit in the comments by his lady audience, so be sure to check that out. I was due for a good flaming, I’m sure. Honey is also writing a guest post, which should be out in a few days.

Read the latest Dan Savage column, entitled “Open Your Mouth,” it’s hilarious. Money quote:

Time heals all wounds—time and, of course, fucking other people. Did you know that every ounce of another woman’s saliva that you swallow, TOH, shaves a week off the healing process? It’s a true and totally scientific fact.

In the column, Savage rips on a couple who decide not to have sex after they move in together, after they’ve already had tons of sex; he refers to the Almighty as an “entirely fictitious God”; he gives advice to a 19-year-old gay boy who wants to have sex with older men; and he tells a young straight dude to sleep with other chicks in order to get over heartbreak. Huzzah!

For the big finale, I’ve discovered this great little blog called Ashley and Me. It’s about a dude who’s a married music exec who wants to cheat on his wife. He utilizes to hook up with other chicks and he’s getting results. I believe he’s up to 6 chicks he’s banged. If you care to wade through his posts, he gives solid advice for getting results on online dating sites.

Here’s a great quote:

Now, my fellow dogs, here’s something else we need to understand. No matter what you look like, how old you are, what kind of car you drive, or how cleverly you can write, the majority of women you send messages to will have no interest in you. You’re simply not going to be their type. It’s just the way it is. Women all have their own individual tastes for what they’re looking for, and on AM, they can afford to be very choosy.

If you love his blog or hate it, leave him some comments. Tell him Lance sent you. Have a lovely week.

  • Monica

    Lance! Love that you guys are on BC now. Congrats! It will be interesting to see how things go – we should definitely get some good relationship advice from you guys.

  • lisaq

    Great pic Lance. Loved your post over at Dad’s House! Cougar hunting huh? hehe…

  • cheekie

    hmmm, I checked out Ashley Madison..research only of course. ahem.
    wrote a blog about it a bit ago…very very interesting place.

    off to check out your pic now…I have a Mac, with a Mighty Mouse. I can zoom in on ya…lol…

  • dadshouse

    Lance, your guest post on my blog rocked. Thanks! Nothing wrong with getting the ladies a little hot and bothered, now is there…?

    dadshouses last blog post..At an Awkward Age When Women and Their Moms are Both Hot