I’ve been doing some experimenting with my relationships recently and one thing I’ve found is that straight up communication isn’t that effective. When I say communication, I mean sitting down and talking face-to-face. Talking is useful and has it’s place, but more is needed.
What I’ve found is that something has to happen in the relationship, basically a process that leads to a confrontation. I call this process a change agent. In a recent relationship, I had a girlfriend that was taking my for granted. I used this technique: I froze her out for a week, withheld contact and affection, and didn’t do anything generous. This caused a confrontation at the end of the week. After the confrontation, we had an exceptionally honest conversation, and after that I saw some real change. It should be noted that I rooted out some fears she had about our relationship, got her to verbalize my behaviors that were bothering her, and we both were able to compromise and implement some changes. It worked out well.
I think women understand this intuitively and use techniques like the above naturally. I call this “chick game.” This is why chicks will give you the cold shoulder or act like bitches, because it’s a process to get you to really consider what is wrong. I used to find this irritating but now I embrace it. I find it more effective to be able to play this game rather than make it go away. It’s a bad idea to rationalize and reason through all of your communications.
BTW, I call the one-week freeze-out technique above my Relationship Reset Technique, because you’re basically resetting the relationship to a balance point.