The Long Distance Fuck Buddy

Okay, so recently I met this great chick while traveling for work. I picked her up, closed her, and generally had a great time for a couple of days. Remember how I talked about having a plan with every potential partner you date or meet? You should form a good idea if the person is LTR material, one nighter, fuck buddy, or nothing, in which case you need an exit strategy.

This girl I’m talking about is super cool and I want to maintain some kind of relationship with her, but a long distance relationship is out of the question. So I set up what I call a long distance fuck buddy (LDFB) arrangement. Basically, what it boils down to is that we’ll meet on party trips or in other cities to have adventures together. I’ve had a couple of friends pull this off successfully, and the idea really crystallized after reading Brad P’s ebook where he described several similar type arrangements he maintained.

Why This Is Cool

This is a nice way to supplement your sex life, stay connected with hot chicks in other cities, and of course the best part is it’s a great excuse to travel and take sexy vacations. With my latest LDFB, I’m going to plan a trip to San Francisco and Napa Valley, and then later in the year I’ll try to organize a party trip to Vegas where she’ll meet me. If all goes well, she’ll also fly to Florida and we’ll hit the beach for a couple of days.

My thing is I genuinely like to travel and I want to visit cool cities. So does the girl, so we have a mutual interest there. The right way to do this is by framing it as taking adventures together, and not simply flying into town for a weekend of sex. That works too, but the most value you can offer is by traveling to a cool, third party location and living la vida loca.

I want to emphasize this again. The sex is not your primary goal here, and it never should be. Your goal is to travel and explore. You want to see the world. You want to enrich your life culturally. Your LDFB is your traveling companion and adventure buddy. The sex is a side benefit.

The Drawbacks of the LDFB

Obviously, the first con is that you’re only seeing each other a couple of times a year. Don’t make this your primary relationship! I can’t emphasize this enough…it’s essential that you date other people while maintaining the LDFB. If the only ass you’re pulling is your LDFB, you’re basically in a long distance relationship and LDR’s totally suck. Remember, the emphasis should be on adventure, exploring, and having fun, and not merely hooking up for a weekend.

How To Pull It Off

This is a little tricky, so I’ll break down what I do it step-by-step:

1. Meet the chick, pick her up, and hook up with her. I’ll assume you already know how to do this, or have chicks on the board already. Basically, you’ll need to have a powerful, intense connection established from the get go. It’s helpful to have had sex already, but not essential. If you did bonk her, it’s a must that it’s fantastic sex. If it was mediocre, or dare I say lousy, don’t even go to step 2. Cut and run.

If you already had sex it makes things logistically simpler. You won’t have to question whether you need to book one room or two, and you won’t have to game her while on the trip…just see the sights and have fun!

2. After you’ve hooked up and traveled back home, maintain the connection via email, voice, text, and the social network of your choice. Mix it up. Don’t overdo the connection. DO NOT talk often on the phone, maybe average once fortnightly, if that. It’s better to maintain the connection primarily with email, text, and Myspace game. Reserve the phone convos for special occasions, like birthdays or holidays. Heat up the connection every once in awhile with sexy texting. Remind her occasionally of the hot sex you had, but don’t go over the top. Remember, you’re not a boyfriend. You’re a fuck buddy, and you’re only gonna see her 2-3 times over the next year.

3. IMO, this is the most important part. You MUST frame your LDFB relationship from a position of high value. Communicate to her that you’re a cool, successful guy, and that traveling and exploring new cities is something you do often. Additionally, having a beautiful traveling companion is absolutely within your reality. Think “rich playboy jetsetter” but take it down a few notches to keep it on the level. Rich playboys travel constantly and fuck hot chicks all over the world. That should be your reality also.

Here’s a line of dialogue to give you an idea of the headspace:

“Hey girl, haven’t talked to you in awhile. How’s life out in the sticks 😉 ? Hey, my friends and I are planning a trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas for Labor Day weekend, wanted to see if you’re booked up already?”

So, notice what’s going on here. Your opener is casual and indicates that you haven’t talked in a bit, perhaps a couple of weeks. This should be the frequency of communication with your LDFB. I teased her about living “in the sticks,” which could mean that she lives in a boring town out in the middle of nowhere. I had a LDFB who lived in a tiny town in Ohio, and my LDFB this summer lives in Tennessee. Both girls were dying to travel and get the hell out of their crappy towns.

The last couple of lines are self explanatory, but you can see how I’m coming off as high value. I have the cash to travel to a nice resort like Atlantis, and I have cool friends who like to travel and party. This is an attractive reality.

Here’s another line:

“Hey, I was thinking SF for 3-4 days in August. We can do some training runs through Napa in the morning and then do the winery tours in the afternoon. What do you think?”

My girl is a runner (I run too) and she’s training for a winter marathon, so I’m appealing to her on a couple of different levels. She’s never been to San Francisco, so this would be an awesome way to introduce her to the city and the region.

4. Date other people. Like I said above, it’s critical to be seeing other people. Don’t make the LDFB your only relationship. With my girl, I went so far as to tell her in one of my first emails that we’re both required to see other people. She agreed on this point.

All Goods Things Come To An End

As with any fuck buddy relationship, this one will have a natural ending too. Expect it and plan for it emotionally. She’ll score a boyfriend back home or you’ll get into an LTR and you’ll lose your traveling companion. That’s okay. You had some great times together and enriched her life and your life also. Have fun seeing the world, that’s my motto. And who knows, if you both become single again, crank it back up.

If you’re interested in this post, you might try my series on fuck buddies: part 1, part 2, part 3.

  • evilwoobie

    hi, lance. i’ve had this in the past and the guy is just a few cities away from me, but as we both have jobs, we can’t see each other as often.

    It was ok for a long time til he started getting weird and asking the dreaded question “What are we really?”. Some guys don’t appreciate being tagged LDFB when they’ve turned mushy. So, I told him it’s probably best if he didn’t fall in love with me and stayed away. The most valuable lesson I learned with my LDFB was how to use really descriptive language.


  • Honey

    Too bad you didn’t suggest this when I moved away. I would have totally went for it.

    Honeys last blog post..The Long Distance Fuck Buddy

  • Lance

    Yeah, I was an AFC dipshit back then. Lots of things I would change if I knew what I know now.

    Lances last blog post..The Long Distance Fuck Buddy

  • The Dateable Dork

    Man, that situation sounds awesome! You’re right – it’s all very “jetsetter” and flirty and fun. As long as you have the cash to back it up, it sounds like a win-win. Be sure to tell us about all the exotic sex you’ll be having! : )

    The Dateable Dorks last blog post..Facing reality… or not

  • dadshouse

    Love the part about focusing on the adventure, and not on the sex. That’s actually a good rule for dating locally, too, at least for the early on stages.

    Napa is awesome. Sonoma too.

    dadshouses last blog post..Flirty Text Messages on Craigslist

  • Exception

    I love this idea. There is adventure and fun and yet… everyone maintains their own lives and such. There are so many great places out there to see and so much to do – what better way to do it.

    Exceptions last blog post..One of Us is Lying, in Her Lonely Bed…

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  • Shalom

    You need professional help…