So I’ve been kind of bummed lately for love-related reasons. Yes, Lance-daddy gets in a rut too for this stuff, sue me. It’s totally screwed up my creativity, which is precisely the reason why I haven’t blogged much lately. What’s going on is I’ve found myself missing my ex-girlfriend, Megan, a lot. We’ve been broken up a solid 4 months now and I catch myself thinking about her all the time. Like, on a daily basis, sometimes hourly. It is not good. There are times I have to police my thoughts and other times when I’m driving around town and I start cursing at myself for the way things went down. It doesn’t make a lot sense because our relationship was troubled for the nine months we were together, we fought all the time, and I broke up with her because it wasn’t working. Despite that, I miss her and it’s fucking with my head.
Since then, I’ve had two interesting intimate moments with other chicks and I thought they were worth sharing. Oddly, these circumstances have made me feel worse and not better. These are not necessarily SFW:
1. During a recent night out, I made out with a female co-worker. She asked me to go outside to smoke a cigarette. Once outside, she made the move and the next thing I knew we were against the wall around the corner from the bar playing some serious tonsil hockey. This might sound like a pretty normal bar makeup to some of you, but for me it was the HOTTEST KISS OF MY LIFE. It was overwhelmingly intense. I think there were a lot of pent-up emotions from both sides being released and we were basically devouring each other. I pinned her hands together just above her head with one of my hands, then held her head and hair firmly with the other, and we kissed very deeply for several minutes. I pressed into her firmly and and the kissing was rough and passionate. After the kiss, she admitted to being highly attracted to me and I did the same. Then we went back inside the bar and continued partying. There were no further fireworks and we’ve acted completely normal around each other at subsequent outings.
2. The second moment happened with Teri, the cool chick I met on the 4th of July. I dated Teri for about two months and we had some great times. She wasn’t ready for anything beyond a casual relationship and we got to a point where I had to move on because her behavior during social outings was driving me nuts. I alluded to this behavior in this post here. The whole time we were sleeping with each other.
I’ll go ahead and preface this by saying that sex with Teri was the best sex of my life, hands down. We even coined a term for the sex and that term was “porntastic.” At one point we got in trouble with the neighbors because of the noise and they complained to the condo association. On a scale of 1 to 10, the sex was clearly a 10. Think multi-hour, 20+ orgasm showstopping spectaculars with flying midgets, dancing elephants, and cannons.
Well, during one of our crazy sessions, we were both seconds away from having simultaneous orgasms. Right before that happened, she asked me to kiss her hard, as hard as I could, during the orgasm. Which is exactly what I did. It was an absolutely incredible moment. Has anyone ever done this? Don’t most people not kiss during an orgasm? I felt this intense connection with her during that moment, a deep, sharp connection I’ve never felt with anyone before. Like souls intermingling type stuff. This lasted for a moment and I told her it was absolutely incredible, and she agreed. It slowly faded away as we came back to Earth. For me this was a real revelation about how intimate I could get with someone.
What Kills Me About These Two Kisses
What kills me about these two kisses is how deeply, powerfully, and singularly explosive those moments were and how quickly they disappeared. It’s like those connections never happened, really. We went back to our lives and forget or ignored that they took place. I don’t talk to Teri any more and it’s like we never had that amazing sex or any relationship at all. And I see my co-worker every day and we purposefully forget that the moment happened (although we’re still perfectly good friends). These connections, and to a larger extent my relationships, seem way too ephemeral and fluid for my taste, and I often wonder if it’s even worth it. Definitely I’m learning a lot, and I’m glad I make connections like that (because some people don’t), but I would prefer to have these moments with someone I gave a shit about and have it mean something beyond just a single moment.
If you’ve ever had the best kiss of your life, you might like these posts: