The Hottest Kiss Of My Life

So I’ve been kind of bummed lately for love-related reasons. Yes, Lance-daddy gets in a rut too for this stuff, sue me. It’s totally screwed up my creativity, which is precisely the reason why I haven’t blogged much lately. What’s going on is I’ve found myself missing my ex-girlfriend, Megan, a lot. We’ve been broken up a solid 4 months now and I catch myself thinking about her all the time. Like, on a daily basis, sometimes hourly. It is not good. There are times I have to police my thoughts and other times when I’m driving around town and I start cursing at myself for the way things went down. It doesn’t make a lot sense because our relationship was troubled for the nine months we were together, we fought all the time, and I broke up with her because it wasn’t working. Despite that, I miss her and it’s fucking with my head.

Since then, I’ve had two interesting intimate moments with other chicks and I thought they were worth sharing. Oddly, these circumstances have made me feel worse and not better. These are not necessarily SFW:

1. During a recent night out, I made out with a female co-worker. She asked me to go outside to smoke a cigarette. Once outside, she made the move and the next thing I knew we were against the wall around the corner from the bar playing some serious tonsil hockey. This might sound like a pretty normal bar makeup to some of you, but for me it was the HOTTEST KISS OF MY LIFE. It was overwhelmingly intense. I think there were a lot of pent-up emotions from both sides being released and we were basically devouring each other. I pinned her hands together just above her head with one of my hands, then held her head and hair firmly with the other, and we kissed very deeply for several minutes. I pressed into her firmly and and the kissing was rough and passionate. After the kiss, she admitted to being highly attracted to me and I did the same. Then we went back inside the bar and continued partying. There were no further fireworks and we’ve acted completely normal around each other at subsequent outings.

2. The second moment happened with Teri, the cool chick I met on the 4th of July. I dated Teri for about two months and we had some great times. She wasn’t ready for anything beyond a casual relationship and we got to a point where I had to move on because her behavior during social outings was driving me nuts. I alluded to this behavior in this post here. The whole time we were sleeping with each other.

I’ll go ahead and preface this by saying that sex with Teri was the best sex of my life, hands down. We even coined a term for the sex and that term was “porntastic.” At one point we got in trouble with the neighbors because of the noise and they complained to the condo association. On a scale of 1 to 10, the sex was clearly a 10. Think multi-hour, 20+ orgasm showstopping spectaculars with flying midgets, dancing elephants, and cannons.

Well, during one of our crazy sessions, we were both seconds away from having simultaneous orgasms. Right before that happened, she asked me to kiss her hard, as hard as I could, during the orgasm. Which is exactly what I did. It was an absolutely incredible moment. Has anyone ever done this? Don’t most people not kiss during an orgasm? I felt this intense connection with her during that moment, a deep, sharp connection I’ve never felt with anyone before. Like souls intermingling type stuff. This lasted for a moment and I told her it was absolutely incredible, and she agreed. It slowly faded away as we came back to Earth. For me this was a real revelation about how intimate I could get with someone.

What Kills Me About These Two Kisses

What kills me about these two kisses is how deeply, powerfully, and singularly explosive those moments were and how quickly they disappeared. It’s like those connections never happened, really. We went back to our lives and forget or ignored that they took place. I don’t talk to Teri any more and it’s like we never had that amazing sex or any relationship at all. And I see my co-worker every day and we purposefully forget that the moment happened (although we’re still perfectly good friends). These connections, and to a larger extent my relationships, seem way too ephemeral and fluid for my taste, and I often wonder if it’s even worth it. Definitely I’m learning a lot, and I’m glad I make connections like that (because some people don’t), but I would prefer to have these moments with someone I gave a shit about and have it mean something beyond just a single moment.

If you’ve ever had the best kiss of your life, you might like these posts:

  • Sandra

    I feel your pain, and I’m pretty much in the same situation. Except, I can’t even find a man that I am even attracted to.
    .-= Sandra´s last blog …Open letters to my yoga classes……….. =-.

  • nicole

    Your post reminds me of the one of Murakami’s books, “Sputnik Sweetheart.” I’ll quote part of it for you here:

    “And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.”
    — Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

  • Honey

    When Jake has an orgasm, we both have to be aware so that he doesn’t head-butt me. So I don’t think kissing would work, though we could try…

    What do you think about when you think about Megan?

    I know you have said on numerous occasions that your love life feeds your creative energies. Have you ever thought about what you could do to reverse that flow, and have your creative energies feed your love life?

    I wish I could join you for a beer and some solid convo in person!
    .-= Honey´s last blog …The Hottest Kiss Of My Life =-.

  • dadshouse

    Everything in life manifests into existence or awareness for a limited time before disappearing back into the void. Even life itself does this. We can’t play tonsil hockey 24/7.

    That said, woman number 1 seems worth pursuing. There’s mutual attraction. You’re they guy – make the move!

    Woman number 2 seems dangerous to me. If it’s all about the sex, it can be a rush and be intense, but there is life outside of bed. You said you already know that about her.

    As for thinking about old gfs, and having a rut screw with creativity – I feel your pain! I kept thinking about one girlfriend for years after we broke up. Awesome connection, great sex, etc. But we pushed each others buttons like crazy. When I learned she got married and had a kid, I finally let her out of my thoughts.

    The best way out of a rut is to get back out there.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog …Good Samaritan Cyclist Loses the Girl =-.

  • Single Mom Seeking

    Well, this post makes up for your absence! Whew.

    This line cracked me up: “Don’t most people not kiss during an orgasm?”

    True! And I think that most women would say that kissing is one of the most sensual, most connecting experiences you can have. Bravo for getting that.
    .-= Single Mom Seeking´s last blog …I’m sorry =-.

  • Lance

    Perfect, far more sublime than my own pitiful attempt to explain the feeling that Murakami has identified here. Also, quite a bummer.

  • Jamie London

    Great post – and very honest. Man, it’s easy to get discouraged. Finding the right woman and making the right connection is a long road. Just keep learning, forget the rut and keep moving forward. If you do the work, each connection gets better and better until it’s the best.

  • Lance

    I’m a bit of a head butter, and in this situation I had to focus my entire being on the kiss and disconnect myself from what was happening to the rest of my body. I felt like there were two separate events happening and that we were actually melding together. It was quite remarkable.

  • Janak

    If you’re asking if it’s worth it, it’s not worth it.
    .-= Janak´s last blog …Halloween special: The Vampire Fleshlight Succu Dry =-.

  • Lance

    Fuck you dude, it’s worth it. I know it.
    .-= Lance´s last blog …1901 =-.

  • Lance

    Oopsie, just read that comment, my apologies Janak. I was drunk as hell last night.
    .-= Lance´s last blog …1901 =-.

  • Ted

    I know this is an old post, but I had to comment because the same thing happened to me recently and I would also say this was one of the hottest kisses of my life. The catch: I have a girlfriend. One I’ve been fighting with a lot, but that’s not really an excuse.

    The situation with the coworker was not entirely, but still mostly, unexpected. The kiss was FANTASTIC. At the end, I said “I hope we can look forward to more of this in the future” and she simply said “Yes”.

    But then she sussed out my situation, said that an affair was definitely out of the cards, but that perhaps more making out could occur in the future.

    So after two weeks first some dirty talk followed by stepping back and cooling it off, we ended up drunk, alone, at a bar yesterday, but this time, though I had my hands on her once again and she didn’t swat me away, she also promptly left at a certain hour and there wasn’t even a hug goodbye, just an awkward wave.

    Now I feel like a complete schmuck because I’ve been infidelitous and yet also rejected by the coworker. So sort of a case double-schmuckery.

    I’m going to try to forget about the coworker… but that kiss! Man! I’ve rarely had anything like it. As morally wretched as it may be, I’d do anything to have kiss #2.