I was having lunch near campus the other day, and because I happened to be by myself I had the dubious privilege of overhearing three undergraduate girls’ conversation. While they were pretty enough, they were living proof of why youth is boring. And yet, I see girls in their late 20s and early 30s trying like hell to cling to something that was never attractive in the first place! Here are the top 10 reasons why undergrad girls are lame. If you are 18-22, you will really stand out from the crowd if you avoid these behaviors. And, unfortunately, if you are older than 22 you will probably also really stand out from the crowd if you avoid these behaviors.
1. Talk about how icky hard liquor is unless you mix it with something. The undergrads I overheard suggested vanilla vodka with “lots of coke.” I suggest growing the fuck up and ordering, oh, I don’t know, a martini? My personal favorite is a G&T. I also appreciate a solid microbrew or imported beer (not Heineken). Whatever you do, and this goes for guys and girls, if you ever go to a fucking brewery and order a Bud Light you deserve to be shot on sight.