By Honey on Dec 28, 2009 in Featured, Relationships | comments(7)
I have found myself wondering a lot recently why the majority of relationships end. I mean, at best you get one relationship that works out in a “forever” way. While I’m with Lance that just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean that it failed, why are they all ending in the first place? My relationship with Jake has lasted far longer than any other I’ve had, and it’s going great – what makes this one so different?
I think the answer lies in video games. Continued
By Lance on Dec 8, 2009 in Marriage | comments(4)
I’m not sold on this whole marriage idea, but I could see myself getting married if I ever decide to shed my pimp status. I guess. Anyway, I found this awesome article in the New York Times about a 30-something couple in California who go to marriage counseling and embark on the project of improving their relationship. It’s the best damn article on marriage I’ve ever read. Continued
By Honey on Dec 7, 2009 in Relationships | comments(0)
I thought that Lance’s recent post on How to Qualify a Relationship was excellent, and his description if himself as a “bursty” worker being one of the things that makes the quality time love style very difficult for him was a worthy insight. So worthy that it got me thinking about my own work style.
You see, where for Lance,
My brain gets really tired each day, way before my body or my emotional center runs out of energy. WAY before. I have a finite amount of this mind energy, and that energy runs out after 3-4 hours. After that, I’m basically a zombie mentally. Once I’m in this low energy state, I have to recharge, and I do that by napping, reading, watching TV, or otherwise fucking around in private.
I do not experience these types of creative energy spikes with any regularity. Sure, if I have a really long day at work or am under stress about something specific, then I might get emotionally/intellectually tired. But for the most part, I wake up fairly early and chug along at a steady pace all day (Lance would say it’s the Virgo in me). Continued
By Lance on Dec 5, 2009 in Featured, Relationships | comments(19)
I am totally convinced that the 5 love languages are essential to qualifying a relationship. In fact, I think it’s the #1 key to a successful relationship. Forget all this stuff about honesty and respect. Although those are important, too. I’ll explain.
I wrote back in July how your love style can help or hinder you on dates. This was before I knew anything about the Chapman book. At that point I noticed how small conflicts in the way I communicated with my girlfriends could turn into huge issues down the road. But I didn’t have the vocabulary or the principles nailed down to really understand it. Then, Honey turned me onto Chapman in her post here, and I blogged about love styles (ie Love Languages) further when I wrote about insights from dating three chicks at once. Then I read the book. Now, I have a context and a way to quantify communication with my partner.
By Lance on Nov 8, 2009 in Dating, Featured | comments(11)
Following up on Honey’s post about safety and my post about keeping it real, I wanted to lay out how I generally do first dates. Much of this involves strategies and tactics that I learned from studying pickup. Keep an open mind, especially if you’re a chick, because this will sound off-putting at first. I’ll draw some conclusions and give recommendations at the end. This post does not cover bar pickups, day game, or other quick seduction methods.
By Honey on Oct 29, 2009 in Relationships | comments(2)
The second of the two presentations at the professional development conference I attended last week (you can read about the first one, “recession-proofing your personal relationships,” here) was on negotiating. Now, the conference was sponsored by a woman’s professional organization, so that’s what the focus (and most of the supporting anecdotes) was on, but I think there’s value in it regardless of your gender.
“Hard” versus “Soft” Negotiating
This is one of the core principles of the well-known book Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury. Essentially, hard negotiation (often called competitive negotiation) is about using whatever means necessary to get whatever it is that you want. Soft negotiation (often called integrative or cooperative negotiation) is about maximizing both parties’ returns – even if it means giving up something that you really want. Continued