All Posts Tagged With: "quality time"

How To Qualify A Relationship

I am totally convinced that the 5 love languages are essential to qualifying a relationship. In fact, I think it’s the #1 key to a successful relationship. Forget all this stuff about honesty and respect. Although those are important, too. I’ll explain.

I wrote back in July how your love style can help or hinder you on dates. This was before I knew anything about the Chapman book. At that point I noticed how small conflicts in the way I communicated with my girlfriends could turn into huge issues down the road. But I didn’t have the vocabulary or the principles nailed down to really understand it. Then, Honey turned me onto Chapman in her post here, and I blogged about love styles (ie Love Languages) further when I wrote about insights from dating three chicks at once. Then I read the book. Now, I have a context and a way to quantify communication with my partner.

Continued

A Love Styles Exercise

So, Lance has said that his new big interest is love styles.  He’s mentioned it recently here and here, and I’ve also talked about it here (where I also link to other resources).  Basically you’ve got physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and gifts.

However, despite the fact that most of these sites (and most of what you hear) about love styles suggests that we have one preference that overrides all others, I don’t think that is the case.  It’s obviously simpler to think that because I am primarily a physical touch girl, if my needs are being met in that area then I can be happy even if there are deficiencies in others.  However, I think that while most of us may have one preferred love style, many people have hybrid love styles (where they need 2 almost equally), and I also think that practically everyone needs at least some of all five.  You can’t have absolutely none of any one thing and be happy.

With that in mind, here’s a fun little exercise that you can talk about with your SO or first date this weekend:

Continued

Revelations Part III: What’s Your Fighting Style?

This is Part III of a series. You can read Part I here and Part II here.

Despite (or perhaps because) this is the revelation that I had first and feel is most important, it is the last (and hardest) to write. I started off by calling the post “what I could do differently,” and then I tried to come up with a name that had something to do with compromise, but nothing was working and I just couldn’t get started.

Then I had a conversation with Jake this morning before leaving for work that cleared things up for me. Despite not being especially philosophical, he is definitely a logical thinker because of his profession :-) Here’s what I realized:

There’s a lot of focus out there on people’s so-called “love styles.” In case you haven’t heard of this, you can read about it here, here, here, or here (For starters. There are similar quizzes everywhere). The styles are physical touch, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. However, each and every “love style” is more than that – it is also a preferred communication style, which means it’s also your fighting style. And it’s just as important to know how to communicate when your relationship is under stress as it is when everything’s great (maybe more so). Continued