If you’re not a total player douche like Lance, then the purpose of dating for you (as it was for me), is finding the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. In order to be successful at this, you have to accept a few truths:
- This is not an overnight process. You will have to go on a lot of dates in order to find someone who’s right for you.
- You will also have to take an active role in the process. You can’t wait for dates to come to you.
- In fact, this active role needs to begin before you go on any dates at all. You will never find what you are looking for if you don’t know what that is.
Call me a Virgo, but making lists was the most effective means for me to decide what I was looking for. So as a first step, list everything that you’d ideally want in a permanent romantic partner.
This first list is a rough draft, so be as picky as you possibly can. Age, body type, education level, activity/fitness level, food preferences, sexual preferences (I’m not just talking gay or straight, here. I mean do you need it twice a day, or twice a month? Do you like it rough with biting and scratching, or are you a tender lover? Do you like bondage? Water sports? The Poly lifestyle?), pet preferences, alcohol/smoking/drug use, religious preferences, how many kids you want (if any), the activities you like to participate in your free time, your stance on firearms, reproductive rights, politics, etc. The point here is don’t skimp–list every single thing you can think of. As you create this list, you’ll probably find yourself adding to it over a week or two. Give yourself that time to let it simmer so you know you’ve listed everything. You absolutely cannot rely on chance, the numbers game, other people’s perceptions of you, or any other crazy random system to find “the one.”