So, as I’ve mentioned several times, Jake is really unhappy in his job and would also like to move to another city, since he grew up here and isn’t so much a fan. I understand, as I moved to Arizona in large part to escape Florida, which I think is a humid, touristy pit of hurricanes, mosquitoes, and despair. He was going to wait until January and then start looking, since if he doesn’t include months on his resume that’ll give him the appearance of three years. Continued
All Posts Tagged With: "love"
So, apparently there has been a misunderstanding between Jake and I that I didn’t even know about – but that is now resolved. Here’s the story:
When I was an undergrad in Florida, I was in love with this fellow I worked with. Let’s call him Brent. Brent was an MA student in Literature, and to my eyes intelligent, funny, and good-looking. I had a raging crush on him, which didn’t seem to be reciprocated – which was fine since I was dating someone anyway. Continued
So, I haven’t posted much this week, but things are swimming along smoothly in Honey-land so there isn’t much to talk about. Here’s a quick update, though:
After losing enough weight to not feel disgusting anymore, I have kind of been slacking and hovering in the very low 130s for awhile. However, I’m trying to get to the gym more (I think I’ve passed the point where it’s going to drop off simply by eating less, since I can’t eat much less than I have been). I’ve actually been jogging on the treadmill some in addition to going to yoga and pilates. Continued
Despite (or perhaps because) this is the revelation that I had first and feel is most important, it is the last (and hardest) to write. I started off by calling the post “what I could do differently,” and then I tried to come up with a name that had something to do with compromise, but nothing was working and I just couldn’t get started.
Then I had a conversation with Jake this morning before leaving for work that cleared things up for me. Despite not being especially philosophical, he is definitely a logical thinker because of his profession :-) Here’s what I realized:
There’s a lot of focus out there on people’s so-called “love styles.” In case you haven’t heard of this, you can read about it here, here, here, or here (For starters. There are similar quizzes everywhere). The styles are physical touch, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. However, each and every “love style” is more than that – it is also a preferred communication style, which means it’s also your fighting style. And it’s just as important to know how to communicate when your relationship is under stress as it is when everything’s great (maybe more so). Continued
This is Part II of three. You can read Part I here.
First of all, on a side note, Lance has demanded that the BF have a name. Unfortunately, I told the BF he could name himself. So, his name is Jake. Honey and Jake…sigh.
Back on topic…much to my delight, this past weekend reaffirmed just how much Jake and I really do get along when he isn’t being taken to the emergency room or drinking himself into a stupor because of work stress. The best part, however, was what he said on Friday when we were having drinks with his work friend, Dick. Continued
If you’re not a total player douche like Lance, then the purpose of dating for you (as it was for me), is finding the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. In order to be successful at this, you have to accept a few truths:
- This is not an overnight process. You will have to go on a lot of dates in order to find someone who’s right for you.
- You will also have to take an active role in the process. You can’t wait for dates to come to you.
- In fact, this active role needs to begin before you go on any dates at all. You will never find what you are looking for if you don’t know what that is.
Call me a Virgo, but making lists was the most effective means for me to decide what I was looking for. So as a first step, list everything that you’d ideally want in a permanent romantic partner.
This first list is a rough draft, so be as picky as you possibly can. Age, body type, education level, activity/fitness level, food preferences, sexual preferences (I’m not just talking gay or straight, here. I mean do you need it twice a day, or twice a month? Do you like it rough with biting and scratching, or are you a tender lover? Do you like bondage? Water sports? The Poly lifestyle?), pet preferences, alcohol/smoking/drug use, religious preferences, how many kids you want (if any), the activities you like to participate in your free time, your stance on firearms, reproductive rights, politics, etc. The point here is don’t skimp–list every single thing you can think of. As you create this list, you’ll probably find yourself adding to it over a week or two. Give yourself that time to let it simmer so you know you’ve listed everything. You absolutely cannot rely on chance, the numbers game, other people’s perceptions of you, or any other crazy random system to find “the one.”