By Lance on Dec 5, 2009 in Featured, Relationships | comments(19)
I am totally convinced that the 5 love languages are essential to qualifying a relationship. In fact, I think it’s the #1 key to a successful relationship. Forget all this stuff about honesty and respect. Although those are important, too. I’ll explain.
I wrote back in July how your love style can help or hinder you on dates. This was before I knew anything about the Chapman book. At that point I noticed how small conflicts in the way I communicated with my girlfriends could turn into huge issues down the road. But I didn’t have the vocabulary or the principles nailed down to really understand it. Then, Honey turned me onto Chapman in her post here, and I blogged about love styles (ie Love Languages) further when I wrote about insights from dating three chicks at once. Then I read the book. Now, I have a context and a way to quantify communication with my partner.
By Honey on Oct 19, 2009 in Relationships | comments(6)
On Friday, I went to a training on emotional intelligence, and I have to say that it was really interesting. I’d taken a quiz on emotional intelligence prior to this (check out http://www.queendom.com/) and scored not nearly as well as I would have thought, although firmly within the bell curve. One of the results of the training was to make a contract with ourselves (we were given contracts and the trainer is going to follow up with us to hear about the results) and try to do one thing differently for a month to improve our emotional intelligence. I got a lot of value out of the session, so I thought I’d try and pass some of it on.
Regarding the monthly contract, I chose to allow my emotions to influence my decisions, which I anticipate will be pretty interesting. Sometimes I get really frustrated or angry and then my emotions make my decisions for me (which is different, I think, from letting your emotions influence your decisions), and the rest of the time I pretty much disregard my emotions completely. I’m looking forward to the idea of taking a balanced approach. Continued
By Honey on Sep 5, 2009 in Relationships | comments(6)
Jake and I always joke about the “gifts” love style because it seems funny to us…he does very much like to receive gifts, which I try to buy on a fairly consistent basis (for me, gifts are sort of an act of service in any case, so I am not too bad at giving them although I am far better at other things). He also likes to give gifts. When it comes to receiving actual physical gifts, it is very difficult for me to think of things that I would want, as I’ve said previously. But lately he’s found a way to sneak it in there. Continued
By Lance on Sep 2, 2009 in Relationships | comments(3)
With the Web already affecting dating and relationships, it was inevitable that technology would move into one of the last territories of the human experience: intimacy. Recently, a Seattle couple, Jim Shell and Tracy Feinberg, started replacing the intimacy and affection they have for each other with technology. Continued
By Honey on Aug 28, 2009 in Featured, Relationships | comments(8)
So, Lance has said that his new big interest is love styles. He’s mentioned it recently here and here, and I’ve also talked about it here (where I also link to other resources). Basically you’ve got physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and gifts.
However, despite the fact that most of these sites (and most of what you hear) about love styles suggests that we have one preference that overrides all others, I don’t think that is the case. It’s obviously simpler to think that because I am primarily a physical touch girl, if my needs are being met in that area then I can be happy even if there are deficiencies in others. However, I think that while most of us may have one preferred love style, many people have hybrid love styles (where they need 2 almost equally), and I also think that practically everyone needs at least some of all five. You can’t have absolutely none of any one thing and be happy.
With that in mind, here’s a fun little exercise that you can talk about with your SO or first date this weekend: