Things have been awesome at the Honey/Jake homestead lately. He is jobsearching in Phoenix, so his employment situation may change for the better (and, as anticipated, the mere act of looking has cheered him up immensely). I love my job, and my job loves me – I had my annual performance evaluation which went great, and I am getting a bunch of new equipment for my office. The ergonomic keyboard and footrest arrived today and I am getting a new keyboard tray in the next few weeks as well as a new computer and monitor. I was skeptical about the footrest but can already tell it’s going to be fantastic, although in the meantime it does highlight just how awful my current keyboard tray and mouse placement is. Continued
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I won’t lie, peeps. The last month or so has been pretty horrible. I had just given Jake the go-ahead to look for jobs in other states because he’s so miserable and pissed off all the time at his current job that he’s afraid it’s going to be the demise of our relationship. And while I currently have no plans to end things, I know why he’s afraid of that happening – he is terrible at compartmentalizing his anger and so when he’s frustrated he does any of the following:
- Avoids coming home (which he does to spare me his moods but which he doesn’t tell me about until the last second, which leads to me preparing intricate home-cooked meals he’s not around to eat, or me passing on invitations to go out with my own friends and then him calling me at 8 p.m. to say he’s going out, and it’s too late for me to resurrect my own plans),
- Comes home and picks a huge fight with me for basically no reason (like us being out of Propel or me cooking his favorite fish as a surprise for him when apparently he didn’t want fish that day),
- Plays video games for 5+ hours at a time and doesn’t talk to me (he bought a PS3 recently).
He (almost) always apologizes for these things, but it certainly isn’t stopping him from doing it in the first place. We haven’t had sex in almost a month and a couple of times I found myself Googling apartments and hotels because I just didn’t know what to do. (For the record, I still tried to initiate sex – after the fifth or so time he “rainchecked” me I gave up.) Continued
I have found myself wondering a lot recently why the majority of relationships end. I mean, at best you get one relationship that works out in a “forever” way. While I’m with Lance that just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean that it failed, why are they all ending in the first place? My relationship with Jake has lasted far longer than any other I’ve had, and it’s going great – what makes this one so different?
I think the answer lies in video games. Continued
They say that the holidays are a time for family – well, maybe. Sort of. Though our relationships with our families are far from typical. Is there anyone who is typical?
This weekend my best friend from grad school was in town because her boyfriend’s parents live here, and they ended up staying with us because his parents didn’t have room (and also because we’re obviously cooler to stay with). Sarcasm and alcohol, just like old times…
Oh, and their 6 1/2 month old baby.
He was very adorable (if periodically cranky) and I shocked everyone when they went out for coffee and left me with him – apparently she and her boyfriend were deciding how much they’d bet that the baby was screaming when they walked back in…but he was sound asleep in my arms. Awww. Continued
Today is three and a half years since Jake and I met. Things are going great! I don’t have much to add, so I am throwing in a recent e-mail exchange. Enjoy!
You made me so happy this morning when you said that I was the best thing in your life. I try really hard for that to be the case (even though like I said in my card earlier this week I feel like I fail a lot). [Note: I'd gotten him a card and a bottle of wine for being patient and covering some expenses for me until my freelance check came in.] I think you deserve Continuedand I think that relationships don’t just stay great – you have to try, even if you’ve been together for years.
The second of the two presentations at the professional development conference I attended last week (you can read about the first one, “recession-proofing your personal relationships,” here) was on negotiating. Now, the conference was sponsored by a woman’s professional organization, so that’s what the focus (and most of the supporting anecdotes) was on, but I think there’s value in it regardless of your gender.
“Hard” versus “Soft” Negotiating
This is one of the core principles of the well-known book Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury. Essentially, hard negotiation (often called competitive negotiation) is about using whatever means necessary to get whatever it is that you want. Soft negotiation (often called integrative or cooperative negotiation) is about maximizing both parties’ returns – even if it means giving up something that you really want. Continued