Following up on Honey’s post about safety and my post about keeping it real, I wanted to lay out how I generally do first dates. Much of this involves strategies and tactics that I learned from studying pickup. Keep an open mind, especially if you’re a chick, because this will sound off-putting at first. I’ll draw some conclusions and give recommendations at the end. This post does not cover bar pickups, day game, or other quick seduction methods.
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I’ve been on a flurry of dates recently and I’ve noticed three interesting things…
1. Interesting thing #1, or My Chodey Behavior: I’m aggressive and really fast during the initial stage of attraction (ie first date), which is great, but then I keep the pace too intense and it’s screwing me up for the next stages. Continued
I had the good fortune of meeting DJ Fuji, a lifestyle and dating coach, at the recent 21 convention. You can read a few of my thoughts about the 21 convention here. Fuji’s presentation was excellent and, suffice it say, everything he said was useful for regular people in regular dating situations. I think Fuji is going to become one of the really compelling voices in social artistry in the not-too-distant future because of his grounded approach and focus on fundamentals. He agreed to hit us with an email interview. You can find his blog at The Tao of DJ Fuji. Enjoy!
In a couple of my recent posts I talked about how I met a really cool chick named Teri. We went on a first date, hit it off, made out at the end of the night, and then did a second meetup where she threw me a curveball. Since then we’ve been on one additional date that went really well. We’ve slept together, too. We were on hold for two weeks because she was out of town and I’ve maintained a connection with her via text and Facebook.
Attending the 21 Convention on Sunday was a bit of a revelation for me in terms of how many young guys there are out there who need to work on a great many things; not just attractiveness to the opposite sex, which is probably the least of their concerns, but on every facet of their lives. As a group, this crowd was probably one of the least “attractive” groups of men I’ve stood shoulder-to-shoulder with in long time. Maybe ever. Don’t mistake this post as me hating on those guys…I”m not. Every person in social artistry knows it’s important to face your flaws with brutal honestly in order to improve. That’s why we publish our fuckups in field reports and why coaches will hammer you on what you’re doing wrong in-field.
Besides the usual suspects–hygiene, fashion, body language, articulation, and fitness–I thought there was one glaring quality that most of those guys really needed to work on. Here it is:
Big props to my friend and fellow social artist Hammer, who turned me on to GoneSavage, a great blog on sex, dating, and pickup. It’s super edgy and the writing is easy to read and concise. In a nutshell, the guy traveled around the country in a van for a couple of years (homeless), had adventures, and picked up woman. He teaches now and is in fact speaking at the 21 Convention in Orlando this very weekend. I’ve been going back and reading some of his older posts and lay reports, something I never do on any blog. Continued