All Posts Tagged With: "Dating"

How Much Do I Invest in Someone Else?

For those of you who haven’t been following the sometimes vociferous debates in response to Evan Marc Katz’s latest two posts, do yourselves a favor and check them out.  I’m a huge fan of strong opinions but was a little shocked to be told that my dating/relationship style was “selfish” and “toxic,” so I decided to think a little bit more about where my attitudes toward dating come from.  One of the other commenters, Kenley, writes

The truth is being a great date or partner is about balance. You have to be both selfish AND selfless…the tricky part is figuring out when to give your needs/wants/desires priority vs when to give the other person’s needs/wants/desires priority. And, I think that balance is different for different people.

Not only do I think that’s the truth of it, I know that for me, how much to give and how much to take has been a huge struggle because of my experiences growing up. Continued

Downgrade Your Relationship to Upgrade Your Sex Life

So it’s been approximately two months since I’ve broken up with Megan and we’re now in this weird zone where we’re not GF-BF, we’re not casually dating, and we’re still sleeping with each other. We’re also technically exclusive. The exclusivity mostly comes from me having suck-ass game right now, as I’ve been on several dates with other women and couldn’t get anything going. Megan has opted not to put herself on the market even though I told her it’s perfectly fine if she wants to do that.

There are pro’s and con’s with this situation and the jury is still out (for me) on whether it’s worth it. I set this situation up on the night of our breakup when I simply said that if she ever wanted to get together for drinks and a sleepover, I would be down with that. Megan was initially against the idea but was clearly intrigued by it. We proceeded to have ass kicking breakup sex that night. And we’ve hooked up many times since.

Continued

3 Relationship Mistakes That Royally Suck

Here are three gnarly relationship mistakes that I was involved with earlier this week. These sucked. In fact, they were so bad that Megan and I are now in this weird detente state where we’re not talking to each other and neither one wants to make a move to re-start communication. Relationships are a pain in the ass. Avoid these mistakes like the plague.

Continued

More Really Barfy Dating Advice on MSN

Seriously? What was MSN thinking? See this column, entitled How To Date Like A Man, by Erin Dailey.

Dailey’s premise is that women should take charge and do the things that men do to get what they really want out of dating. She makes a lot of presumptions and, and while I’m all for generalizations in the world of blogging, I think Dailey has done a sloppy job of offering “advice” and trying to be funny. At least I think she’s going for humor. The thing that burns my scrotum is that her piece ran in Marie Claire AND on MSN Lifestyle, so probably tens of thousand, nay, hundreds of thousands of peeps read it. Oh no, I think I’m…yes, it’s coming…OMFG…I’m going to HURL…

holly-molly-vomit-1882

Continued

Honey’s Marriage Makers

So, ever since Lance posted about his marriage makers, I’ve been thinking about mine, and I realized something strange.

In the same way that you always think that having kids, or getting old, or sick, or even winning the lottery is something that’s always going to happen to other people and not to you, I never thought that I would get married. I spent my whole dating life wanting to be serious with someone, but I never fantasized a wedding. I never imagined a dress, or a wedding location, or a honeymoon–it literally never occurred to me. I will admit to imagining a ring, but heck, that’s jewelry, not a relationship. And for those of you who are curious, here’s the only ring I have ever liked.

In any case, this is totally lame, but I spent the whole winter break with the BF, and it’s definitely the most time we’ve spent together (second place goes to a month in Europe–look for an entry about how international travel is the true test of compatibility). Now that school has begun again and I’m driving to and from Flagstaff, I realize how lucky I am that we are so compatible. However, this realization has made being away from him much harder. If I were not going to graduate in May then I would seriously consider leaving, or switching schools, or doing something so that I could be near him.

And then the other day I was alone in my Flagstaff (very cold because the heat was turned off while I was away!) apartment and watching the season finale of The Real Housewives of Orange County. To warn you all now, I’m sadly indiscriminate when it comes to tv–I love everything and will probably recommend it to you–but this was the season finale and one of the women was having her wedding. Suddenly it hit me.

I want to marry my BF. I want to make long-term plans, and strategize to solve our financial problems, and wake up next to him every day, and take care of our pets, and bicker over the TiVo, and everything. I would not be whole without him. For me, this was a completely different realization from knowing that I loved him, which happened after we had been dating only 4 months. Now it’s been about 2 years, and I seriously cannot imagine my life without this person. I definitely have friends and a life that I miss because I drive back and forth, and that life I am missing is something that is satisfying that I could return to if we broke up. However, one of the things that now invests my life with meaning is sharing it with him, and getting his input on my interactions, problems, and triumphs.

I haven’t told him this yet, and in part it’s because he told me after we’d been dating for 10 months that he knew after 7 months that he wanted to marry me. While I drunkenly blurted out that I loved him after 4, I now realize that wanting to marry someone is a completely different admission than saying that you love them. This is something that never even occurred to me prior to about two weeks ago, and I am still trying to fit this into my understanding of the world.

I know this is not a list, and I know that I have advocated making them to you, but this feeling

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is hard to quantify. I think if I had to narrow it down to one thing, it is this: my whole life I felt that I had to put on a bit of a show in order for someone to like me. There was always this nagging feeling that if a guy knew the real me, then he’d run screaming in the other direction. But after this long together, the BF knows the real me no matter how I’ve tried to hide it, and I can be myself. And he’s still here.

Thought Leader Interview Series: David Wygant

Happy New Year! The Thought Leader Interview Series continues, this time with the Granddaddy of Dating Coaches, David Wygant. There’s really not much more to say except that Wygant has some SCATHING things to say about the pickup community. Read on…

You can find David’s product site and blog at davidwygant.com.

Continued

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