All Posts Tagged With: "compromise"

Revelations Part III: What’s Your Fighting Style?

This is Part III of a series. You can read Part I here and Part II here.

Despite (or perhaps because) this is the revelation that I had first and feel is most important, it is the last (and hardest) to write. I started off by calling the post “what I could do differently,” and then I tried to come up with a name that had something to do with compromise, but nothing was working and I just couldn’t get started.

Then I had a conversation with Jake this morning before leaving for work that cleared things up for me. Despite not being especially philosophical, he is definitely a logical thinker because of his profession :-) Here’s what I realized:

There’s a lot of focus out there on people’s so-called “love styles.” In case you haven’t heard of this, you can read about it here, here, here, or here (For starters. There are similar quizzes everywhere). The styles are physical touch, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. However, each and every “love style” is more than that – it is also a preferred communication style, which means it’s also your fighting style. And it’s just as important to know how to communicate when your relationship is under stress as it is when everything’s great (maybe more so). Continued

How Much Do I Invest in Someone Else?

For those of you who haven’t been following the sometimes vociferous debates in response to Evan Marc Katz’s latest two posts, do yourselves a favor and check them out.  I’m a huge fan of strong opinions but was a little shocked to be told that my dating/relationship style was “selfish” and “toxic,” so I decided to think a little bit more about where my attitudes toward dating come from.  One of the other commenters, Kenley, writes

The truth is being a great date or partner is about balance. You have to be both selfish AND selfless…the tricky part is figuring out when to give your needs/wants/desires priority vs when to give the other person’s needs/wants/desires priority. And, I think that balance is different for different people.

Not only do I think that’s the truth of it, I know that for me, how much to give and how much to take has been a huge struggle because of my experiences growing up. Continued

Morning Sex (And Other Sex)

That’s right, folks. I was going to put up the post last week, but I didn’t want to distract us from all the virginity talk with the sex I have been having. Pretty consistently now we are having sex, of all things, in the morning, on the weekdays. That’s right, folks, Honey’s getting her nookie in before 7 a.m. these days. And loving it! (Well, not the part where I can’t fall asleep again but actually have to get up and go to work…but I’ll take some hot morning lovin’ when I can get it).

(Photo Credit teamsugar.com)

Continued

Finances and Dating

With the entire economy basically imploding around us, the question becomes even more relevant: what kind of financial shape does someone have to be in to be considered a desirable partner?  I find money one of the most interesting conversational topics around and am always sad that it’s considered impolite to inquire too closely about others’ finances for a couple reasons: 1) I think that if we talked about it more among ourselves, many of us would learn a lot and not make as many financial mistakes, and 2) I’m a nosey biatch and want to know what everyone’s up to.

(photo credit greekshares.com) Continued

Problems With Pets

As you may have guessed from my comments, I don’t love my boyfriend’s dog. And, as owning two cats and no bedroom door (in my soon-to-be given up Flagstaff apartment) may suggest, I had more of my fair share of problems dating. However, pets are a very complicated issue. Here, my totally biased analysis of the pros and cons of having pets (or dating someone who does).

Continued

The Move-In Dance Part 1: The DVR

In days of yore, men and women used to fight over the TV remote. Actually, I remember the days before remotes. My dad and mom got to sit on the couch and my sister and I sat on the floor, and when my dad wanted the channel changed, we did it for him. I was convinced for a long time that was why people had children–they never had to get up off the couch.

In days of slightly less yore, men and women used to fight over the TV remote. Then the DVR came along and changed all that. It was no longer so necessary to fight over the remote at any given time, because you can record things and watch them later. Plus, if you watch them later then you don’t have to watch the commercials.

This means that if so you kind of get a power flip, and whoever has the least power has to watch their show live, commercials and all, while the other person’s show records.

I canceled my cable at my apartment in Flagstaff because I wasn’t watching it much when I was in town anyway, and so I could chip in for satellite at my BF’s (student loan repayments more than he bargained for so he’s a little short on cash and I figured I could help out).  I told him this, and said that now that I was paying for half, I wanted half of the recordings (our DVR can only make 50 series recordings…sigh…).

Him: You already have half of the recordings.

Me: <raise eyebrow>

Him: Okay, let’s check.

He opens up the prioritizer.

Him: Oh, it looks like I have 35 out of 50 shows recording.

Me: And I have nothing in the top 10.

Him: Tell me how many shows you want me to delete.

Hm. I thought that I was going to have a deliciously long post for you with lots of advice about tact and compromise.  Turns out, if you both have the same definition of compromise, sometimes no discussion is necessary.  Though I did reprioritize his stuff and put some things into the top 10 without telling him!