All Posts Tagged With: "communication"

Weapons, Video Games, and Relationships

I have found myself wondering a lot recently why the majority of relationships end.  I mean, at best you get one relationship that works out in a “forever” way.  While I’m with Lance that just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean that it failed, why are they all ending in the first place?  My relationship with Jake has lasted far longer than any other I’ve had, and it’s going great – what makes this one so different?

I think the answer lies in video games. Continued

Revelations Part III: What’s Your Fighting Style?

This is Part III of a series. You can read Part I here and Part II here.

Despite (or perhaps because) this is the revelation that I had first and feel is most important, it is the last (and hardest) to write. I started off by calling the post “what I could do differently,” and then I tried to come up with a name that had something to do with compromise, but nothing was working and I just couldn’t get started.

Then I had a conversation with Jake this morning before leaving for work that cleared things up for me. Despite not being especially philosophical, he is definitely a logical thinker because of his profession :-) Here’s what I realized:

There’s a lot of focus out there on people’s so-called “love styles.” In case you haven’t heard of this, you can read about it here, here, here, or here (For starters. There are similar quizzes everywhere). The styles are physical touch, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and acts of service. However, each and every “love style” is more than that – it is also a preferred communication style, which means it’s also your fighting style. And it’s just as important to know how to communicate when your relationship is under stress as it is when everything’s great (maybe more so). Continued

Working out a Sex Schedule?

Sometimes despite our best efforts, it takes awhile for both partners’ understanding of a relationship issue becomes clear, and its possible solutions take effect.  I blogged about the fact that since I started work my sleep schedule has become, well, a little more rigid than it used to be; I have to get up so early to get to work by 8 that I’m generally ready to go to bed by 9 p.m. or so.  The BF’s a night owl, so this was really affecting, thank goodness not the quality, but definitely the quantity of sex we were having.  In fact, this was all part of a downward spiral that began (oddly enough) when I moved in.  When I was commuting between Flagstaff and Phoenix,  there would usually be some late-night-reunion sex on Thursday as well as some I’ll-miss-you-baby sex on Monday right before I left.

(pencil me in, please!) Continued

What Is Cheating, Anyway?

To add to the discussion about what’s great about monogamy versus some of the other systems out there, my interest was peaked when I came across this article called “Let’s Chat About Cheating.” Author Steve Penner not only references the Sex and the City movie and TV series (one of the most accurate commentaries on relationships EVER), he gives his perspective on AshleyMadison.com, a “dating” site for people who are…um, married, and interested in having an affair(s).  In fact, one of their slogans is, “Life is short.  Have an affair.”

(His life’ll be short all right, when his wife sees that collar…) Continued

Speaking the Same Language

When I was still taking coursework, one of the requirements was a linguistics class. We read an article about a researcher who studied the language people use when speaking to close friends, relatives, or significant others versus the language that people use when speaking to strangers or people they don’t know as well. The study found that when speaking to people we know well, we have a tendency to use far more pronouns (as opposed to nouns) and other vague referents (for example, using a “code word” that refers to a mutually experienced event or story that both people know). On the other hand, when speaking to people we don’t know well, we have a tendency to use far more nouns (which are more specific) and to tell stories in their entirety.

This plays out in interesting ways when you start dating someone, because once you get past the very initial stages (let’s say about three months, which is my “shit or get off the pot” moment in dating) you have a tendency to start thinking that the other person knows you better than they do…and then you start getting vaguer and vaguer without realizing it. This can lead to misunderstandings if you’re not careful. Continued

Valentine’s Day Edu-tainment

If, despite Lance’s good advice, you decide to spend Valentine’s day in, there’s a lot more you can do with your time than watch When Harry Met Sally or Sleepless in Seattle for the 500th time with a bottle of wine and a box of tissues. Here’s a list of three of my favorite relationship-oriented TV shows. This way you can pass judgment on people (always a good time) as well as learn something for your next relationship. Of course, I have to point out that if you add these to your TiVo list and GO OUT, then you can have some Valentines’ fun and have something to compare your experience with when you get home.

The Millionaire Matchmaker

Patti Stanger is a Jewish third-generation matchmaker who sets up successful millionaires with classy, marriage-minded ladies. The show is entirely worth it to watch her bluntly tell playboys with unrealistic priorities and gorgeous gold diggers exactly why they’re still single. The show airs Tuesday nights on Bravo, but there are reruns on all the time. I like to compare my analysis of the men and women to hers throughout the show. Her Bravo Website has, among other things, “Dating Commandments” for both men and women. Not all of these commandments apply to us mere mortals, as they are the rules of her club.

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Continued

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