Evan Marc Katz recently wrote a thought provoking post called, Can he Really Be A Good Guy Who Just Got Scared And Bolted, Or Am I Right To Wonder About The Strength Of His Character? In it, a woman named Dee Ann described a guy she dated for a month that she had an awesome connection with. The guy disappeared, no explanation, no contact, poof. Two months go by and the guy contacted Dee Ann out of the blue, apologied profusely and stated that stress caused him to disappear. They eventually start dating again. She wrote to Evan seeking advice and wondered about her man’s integrity.
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In this post on his blog, Evan Marc Katz asked his readers to rank themselves in four categories: Looks, Personality, Intelligence, and Career. Both Lance and I couldn’t resist commenting, and Lance also blogged an excellent reaction here. It is pretty evident from the comments to his blog as well as the original article on the Freakonomics bulletin here that most people have a tendency to seriously overestimate themselves. EMK hypothesizes,
The good news is that having a combination of self-esteem and self-delusion seems to be exactly what allows us to function. How would we feel if we didn’t believe we’re above average in every single way?
Although that is insightful and seems at least partially true, I also can’t help but feel that there must be a little more to it. In a comment on Lance’s blog about whether you can teach an old dog new tricks, I mention something that I always told my students:
People are inherently lazy. Therefore, to convince them to take action, you must convince them not that your position is morally superior, but that they have more to lose by doing nothing than they do by taking action.
I recently received an e-mail from a fellow who saw my post on The Seduction Bible. He wanted some advice regarding his ex-girlfriend, who he’d been seeing for almost a year. Out of respect for his privacy I won’t reveal the details, but the relationship seemed pretty full of drama and, although they’re broken up now, they are still blurring that line between friends, friends-with-benefits, and romantic partners. The thing that struck me about his e-mail was that he said several times that he’s always “in it till the end,” and that if he feels there is even the smallest chance of saving a relationship then he will keep trying.
This, of course, raises the question: when is enough, enough? How do you know when it’s “the end”? How do you know when “the smallest chance” for saving a relationship has passed? Continued