All Posts Tagged With: "boyfriend"

When Do You Have “The Talk”?

No, I don’t necessarily mean the talk as in, the “where is this relationship going” talk that every gal is desperate to have and every guy is desperate to avoid (at least that’s how the stereotype goes…when I was actively dating it seemed to me that every guy wanted to be exclusive by date three and I was like, um…).

No.  I’m talking about your talk.  It seems to me that for everyone, there is something about themselves that, for one reason or another, they do not feel comfortable revealing to just anyone.  Usually this discomfort stems from the fact that whatever the “secret” is, it has the potential to negatively influence someone’s decision about whether or not you are long-term material.  I’m talking about that something you don’t feel comfortable revealing until you’ve been dating for awhile so it’s like you are telling a friend who will stay with you through it all…but that you feel dishonest for not revealing sooner because it is like you are tricking the other person, or at least manipulating them by waiting until they feel attached to you before springing the trap.

For me, it is the fact that I stand a 50% chance of becoming quadriplegic by the time I am in my forties.

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Honey’s Marriage Makers

So, ever since Lance posted about his marriage makers, I’ve been thinking about mine, and I realized something strange.

In the same way that you always think that having kids, or getting old, or sick, or even winning the lottery is something that’s always going to happen to other people and not to you, I never thought that I would get married. I spent my whole dating life wanting to be serious with someone, but I never fantasized a wedding. I never imagined a dress, or a wedding location, or a honeymoon–it literally never occurred to me. I will admit to imagining a ring, but heck, that’s jewelry, not a relationship. And for those of you who are curious, here’s the only ring I have ever liked.

In any case, this is totally lame, but I spent the whole winter break with the BF, and it’s definitely the most time we’ve spent together (second place goes to a month in Europe–look for an entry about how international travel is the true test of compatibility). Now that school has begun again and I’m driving to and from Flagstaff, I realize how lucky I am that we are so compatible. However, this realization has made being away from him much harder. If I were not going to graduate in May then I would seriously consider leaving, or switching schools, or doing something so that I could be near him.

And then the other day I was alone in my Flagstaff (very cold because the heat was turned off while I was away!) apartment and watching the season finale of The Real Housewives of Orange County. To warn you all now, I’m sadly indiscriminate when it comes to tv–I love everything and will probably recommend it to you–but this was the season finale and one of the women was having her wedding. Suddenly it hit me.

I want to marry my BF. I want to make long-term plans, and strategize to solve our financial problems, and wake up next to him every day, and take care of our pets, and bicker over the TiVo, and everything. I would not be whole without him. For me, this was a completely different realization from knowing that I loved him, which happened after we had been dating only 4 months. Now it’s been about 2 years, and I seriously cannot imagine my life without this person. I definitely have friends and a life that I miss because I drive back and forth, and that life I am missing is something that is satisfying that I could return to if we broke up. However, one of the things that now invests my life with meaning is sharing it with him, and getting his input on my interactions, problems, and triumphs.

I haven’t told him this yet, and in part it’s because he told me after we’d been dating for 10 months that he knew after 7 months that he wanted to marry me. While I drunkenly blurted out that I loved him after 4, I now realize that wanting to marry someone is a completely different admission than saying that you love them. This is something that never even occurred to me prior to about two weeks ago, and I am still trying to fit this into my understanding of the world.

I know this is not a list, and I know that I have advocated making them to you, but this feeling

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is hard to quantify. I think if I had to narrow it down to one thing, it is this: my whole life I felt that I had to put on a bit of a show in order for someone to like me. There was always this nagging feeling that if a guy knew the real me, then he’d run screaming in the other direction. But after this long together, the BF knows the real me no matter how I’ve tried to hide it, and I can be myself. And he’s still here.

Holding Out For 1…

Lance, I have to wonder what the definition of “girlfriend” becomes when you have five of them. Are you celebrating anniversaries and taking them out to five Valentine’s Dinners? I’ve definitely dated multiple people at the same time, but I wouldn’t have called any of them my boyfriends. I have to say at this point, I’m more of the mindset that one is enough for me. You say that there are so many flavors of hottie out there it’s hard to restrict yourself to one…perhaps I’m pickier, but I feel more like it’s hard enough to find one person who doesn’t annoy the crap out of me. The idea of finding five sounds like winning Powerball five weeks in a row. Of course, before I was in my current LTR, this meant that I was more likely to get totally into one person for a while and then never want to see them again. To make my own food analogy, when I was in high school I ate toaster pastries every morning for breakfast for 6 months and then one morning put them in…smelled that sugary filling heating up…and wanted to barf. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one again.

Continued

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