All Posts Tagged With: "anger"

How to Deal When Things Get Rough

I won’t lie, peeps.  The last month or so has been pretty horrible.  I had just given Jake the go-ahead to look for jobs in other states because he’s so miserable and pissed off all the time at his current job that he’s afraid it’s going to be the demise of our relationship.  And while I currently have no plans to end things, I know why he’s afraid of that happening – he is terrible at compartmentalizing his anger and so when he’s frustrated he does any of the following:

  1. Avoids coming home (which he does to spare me his moods but which he doesn’t tell me about until the last second, which leads to me preparing intricate home-cooked meals he’s not around to eat, or me passing on invitations to go out with my own friends and then him calling me at 8 p.m. to say he’s going out, and it’s too late for me to resurrect my own plans),
  2. Comes home and picks a huge fight with me for basically no reason (like us being out of Propel or me cooking his favorite fish as a surprise for him when apparently he didn’t want fish that day),
  3. Plays video games for 5+ hours at a time and doesn’t talk to me (he bought a PS3 recently).

He (almost) always apologizes for these things, but it certainly isn’t stopping him from doing it in the first place.  We haven’t had sex in almost a month and a couple of times I found myself Googling apartments and hotels because I just didn’t know what to do.  (For the record, I still tried to initiate sex – after the fifth or so time he “rainchecked” me I gave up.) Continued

Emotional Intelligence and Promises to Myself

On Friday, I went to a training on emotional intelligence, and I have to say that it was really interesting.  I’d taken a quiz on emotional intelligence prior to this (check out http://www.queendom.com/) and scored not nearly as well as I would have thought, although firmly within the bell curve. One of the results of the training was to make a contract with ourselves (we were given contracts and the trainer is going to follow up with us to hear about the results) and try to do one thing differently for a month to improve our emotional intelligence.  I got a lot of value out of the session, so I thought I’d try and pass some of it on.

Regarding the monthly contract, I chose to allow my emotions to influence my decisions, which I anticipate will be pretty interesting.  Sometimes I get really frustrated or angry and then my emotions make my decisions for me (which is different, I think, from letting your emotions influence your decisions), and the rest of the time I pretty much disregard my emotions completely.  I’m looking forward to the idea of taking a balanced approach. Continued