Comments on: Speaking the Same Language http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language Dating, Relationships, Pickup, Life Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:28:45 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Honey http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language/comment-page-1#comment-496 Honey Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:11:21 +0000 http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language#comment-496 Well it's possible that it always meant having sex (I first heard the term as an undergrad in my sorority and I wouldn't have wanted to look stupid by asking...and it's possible that my friends were having more sex than I would have guessed!), but the BF and I are from very different areas of the country so I think it's a difference in regional slang. I think he would HATE hookup culture, and I think he does, too. Part of his jealousy is the lifestyle itself (which neither of us really experienced, as it turns out, haha) and part of it is that he doesn't have the personality to enjoy the lifestyle. I'm just glad I asked the right question eventually so that our misunderstanding didn't continue! <em>Honey's last blog post..<a href='http://honeyandlance.com/number-close-art-chick' rel="nofollow">I #-Closed An Artsy Chick On Sunday</a></em> Well it’s possible that it always meant having sex (I first heard the term as an undergrad in my sorority and I wouldn’t have wanted to look stupid by asking…and it’s possible that my friends were having more sex than I would have guessed!), but the BF and I are from very different areas of the country so I think it’s a difference in regional slang.

I think he would HATE hookup culture, and I think he does, too. Part of his jealousy is the lifestyle itself (which neither of us really experienced, as it turns out, haha) and part of it is that he doesn’t have the personality to enjoy the lifestyle.

I’m just glad I asked the right question eventually so that our misunderstanding didn’t continue!

Honey’s last blog post..I #-Closed An Artsy Chick On Sunday

]]> By: dadshouse http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language/comment-page-1#comment-495 dadshouse Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:58:18 +0000 http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language#comment-495 Hooking up means sex, so if I was your bf and you used it to mean making out, I'd be confused too. If your bf is envious of the hookup culture, tell him it's unfulfilling. He can read the book "Unhooked" by Laura Stepp. And point him to my blog. Sadly, as a single parent, hooking up is sometimes the only physical contact we get. (Lance didn't know single parents do that, but we do.) <em>dadshouse's last blog post..<a href='http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/04/24/investment-advice-from-a-sixth-grader/' rel="nofollow">Investment Advice From a Sixth Grader</a></em> Hooking up means sex, so if I was your bf and you used it to mean making out, I’d be confused too. If your bf is envious of the hookup culture, tell him it’s unfulfilling. He can read the book “Unhooked” by Laura Stepp. And point him to my blog. Sadly, as a single parent, hooking up is sometimes the only physical contact we get. (Lance didn’t know single parents do that, but we do.)

dadshouse’s last blog post..Investment Advice From a Sixth Grader

]]> By: Honey http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language/comment-page-1#comment-493 Honey Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:57:35 +0000 http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language#comment-493 Lisaq, I agree <i>completely</i> about not talking about one's sexual past to any great extent. We've both obviously had sex, and we both got tested after becoming exclusive with each other, so there's no reason to discuss it. The dynamic of previous relationships is a lot more relevant. Great point! <em>Honey's last blog post..<a href='http://honeyandlance.com/number-close-art-chick' rel="nofollow">I #-Closed An Artsy Chick On Sunday</a></em> Lisaq, I agree completely about not talking about one’s sexual past to any great extent. We’ve both obviously had sex, and we both got tested after becoming exclusive with each other, so there’s no reason to discuss it. The dynamic of previous relationships is a lot more relevant. Great point!

Honey’s last blog post..I #-Closed An Artsy Chick On Sunday

]]> By: lisaq http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language/comment-page-1#comment-491 lisaq Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:41:08 +0000 http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language#comment-491 You know what they say about assuming! It's best to make sure your message is coming across loud and clear and in the way that you intended. That being said, I agree about past relationships, but have a don't ask, don't tell policy when it comes to my sexual past for exactly the reason you gave. I'm so NOT the same person today that I was in the past, and want to be judged for who I am now. A person's sexual past is a tricky subject especially when that damned ole' double standard comes into play. <em>lisaq's last blog post..<a href='http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/04/when-drama-demons-come-out-to-play.html' rel="nofollow">When the Drama Demons Come Out to Play</a></em> You know what they say about assuming! It’s best to make sure your message is coming across loud and clear and in the way that you intended.

That being said, I agree about past relationships, but have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy when it comes to my sexual past for exactly the reason you gave. I’m so NOT the same person today that I was in the past, and want to be judged for who I am now. A person’s sexual past is a tricky subject especially when that damned ole’ double standard comes into play.

lisaq’s last blog post..When the Drama Demons Come Out to Play

]]> By: cheekie http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language/comment-page-1#comment-461 cheekie Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:13:28 +0000 http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language#comment-461 Amazing advice Honey. Very true. VERY true. Last guy I dated talked non-stop from the first date about his ex's. He even got very specific about some of them. I would try to change the subject, no avail. Then I finally told him that I thought it just wasn't cool, and know what he said? "Aww. that's cute, you're jealous'. Um no, and bye bye. Turns out he wanted a woman that would 'fight for him' and considered jealousy attractive. Knew it would only get worse, and I don't need that kind of drama. The whole communication thing in the early going (which I consider about a year before you really start to get to know someone) is so essential. I explain everything until I get an 'I understand' and I am sure they do. Too easy to misconstrue stuff. And too often you feel put out in a convo when dating someone new and one of their buddies makes an offhand remark. So I always just ask, no point in stewing over something like that. Good solid advice Lady! Amazing advice Honey. Very true. VERY true.
Last guy I dated talked non-stop from the first date about his ex’s. He even got very specific about some of them. I would try to change the subject, no avail. Then I finally told him that I thought it just wasn’t cool, and know what he said? “Aww. that’s cute, you’re jealous’.
Um no, and bye bye. Turns out he wanted a woman that would ‘fight for him’ and considered jealousy attractive. Knew it would only get worse, and I don’t need that kind of drama.

The whole communication thing in the early going (which I consider about a year before you really start to get to know someone) is so essential.
I explain everything until I get an ‘I understand’ and I am sure they do. Too easy to misconstrue stuff. And too often you feel put out in a convo when dating someone new and one of their buddies makes an offhand remark. So I always just ask, no point in stewing over something like that.

Good solid advice Lady!

]]> By: The Dateable Dork http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language/comment-page-1#comment-460 The Dateable Dork Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:23:13 +0000 http://honeyandlance.com/speaking-the-same-language#comment-460 Honey - great advice, really. When you're first getting to know someone, being vague about something, especially when it comes to exes, is asking for disaster. I agree that you should wait a little while before bring up all your relationship history, but when you do, you've got to be honest. I once dated someone who was purposefully vauge about his past, and I kept asking more and more specific questions until it finally blew up into a disaster (i.e., he was hiding something he knew I wouldn't like). Aaaaanyway, great article. Glad you and the BF straightened all that out. : ) <em>The Dateable Dork's last blog post..<a href='http://thedateabledork.typepad.com/thedateabledork/2008/04/tales-from-the.html' rel="nofollow">Tales from the dumpster</a></em> Honey – great advice, really. When you’re first getting to know someone, being vague about something, especially when it comes to exes, is asking for disaster. I agree that you should wait a little while before bring up all your relationship history, but when you do, you’ve got to be honest. I once dated someone who was purposefully vauge about his past, and I kept asking more and more specific questions until it finally blew up into a disaster (i.e., he was hiding something he knew I wouldn’t like).

Aaaaanyway, great article. Glad you and the BF straightened all that out. : )

The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Tales from the dumpster

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