Ah, Happen Magazine. I love these people. Really mainstream dating advice that’s so watered down it’s useless or just plain inaccurate. See this article, “Are you dating a player?” The author, Dustin Goot, gives us the 5 signs of a player versus 5 signs of a nice guy. Here’s me taking him to task…
5 signs of a player
He’s bold. True, all players are bold. This is totally a good thing. I mean, who wants a shy guy? Beta. Shy equals wussy. Shy equals indecisive. Shy equals lousy in the sack. Nuff said.
He declares his feelings right away. Bullshit! Big time! Players do not make sweeping statements of affection, because we know this doesn’t work. Not only that, but players are chill and cool, and if we’re really good, we might not actually feel attraction for a woman because she hasn’t proven to be worth our affections. Physical beauty alone does not impress us.
Goot also mentions that it’s normal for a guy to be guarded about his emotions. Right, wussy guys. Players are actually excellent at articulating emotions and have fewer problems communicating than regular dudes. That’s part of being a social master.
He always plans romantic dates. Dude, you’re kidding, right? What crappy chick flick did you get this from? We DO NOT plan romantic dates, ever, at all, because that shit doesn’t work. If you’re lucky we won’t make you pay our bar tab before we have sex with you in the club bathroom.
He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. Again, total bullocks. I don’t even see how friendships are relevant to playerism. I guess Goot is suggesting that players are so shallow that they can’t maintain platonic relationships. Whatever. Players have plenty of friends. We usually have more friends than normal, chodey dudes. This includes female friends. We’re cool guys. People want to be around us.
He’s a thrill seeker. Sometimes true, but how is this relevant to being a player? Guys who kite surf and heli-ski are interesting and mega-attractive. Real players enjoy pickup and the company of women because we love women, not because we get a rush from seduction, although we get that too. Who doesn’t get a rush from the process of attraction?
5 signs of a
chode nice, upstanding guy
He’s goofy. You mean socially incompetent. That’s what you actually meant to say. Because goofy, and by goofy I mean being fun and playful, is like the primary characteristic of a player. If you read any piece of pickup literature, you’ll see that our greatest
weapons assets are humor and playfulness. Because we know that chicks dig that.
He remembers personal details and events. Um, not sure where to start with this. Nice guys might remember your birthday (or not), but we’ll definitely remember everything you tell us. We’re seducers, remember? We’re using that info to get into your pants. Duh. Illiciting values. Ever heard of it?
He treats his mama right. Christ. Don’t bring my mama into this.
He can mingle. Actually, he can’t. Beta guys are socially incompetent. Ever had a Nice Guy boyfriend who said he didn’t like crowds? Or wanted to leave early from the party because he’s a wallflower? Yeah, that’s right, because he’s beta and doesn’t know how to socialize. Players are the minglers and the socializers, not the other way around.
He says, “I love you.” I have to quote Goot here word for word:
As fawning as a player’s affections are, there’s still something sacred about the L-bomb. Kalish found that insincere men would say, “I want to grow old with you,” or “I want to have children with you,” but “I love you” remained somehow off limits. A guy who says those three magic words may very well mean them.
You know what the problem is here? Players will not say, “I love you,” because they know the difference between love and lust. That’s what you get with experience. A chode doesn’t know the difference (because they’re socially incompetent), and will drop the L-bomb with any chick he gets lucky enough to have sex with. Big reason why there are so many shitty relationships…incompetent men (and women) who think they’re in love when really they’re too ignorant and lazy to realize they’re a poor match and not really attracted to each other. If a player says love, he means it, because he knows what he’s doing.
Girls, get yourself a player boyfriend. You’ll love the fact that he’s socially adept, fun, and knows how to treat women. Boys, if you’re a massive chode, go read The Game and then get yourself on the path of Playerism, and by that I mean mastering your social life. Nice guys fumble around and download porn. Players give money shots to the hotties.
Photo credit Tampa Bay Times
(Excuse me, ladies. But do either of you like nice guys? No? Great, who wants to have sex in the bathroom?)