I was inspired to ask this question after reading the responses to my post about letting your children know if you’re getting nooky. Basically, if you’re a parent, do you teach your kid(s) about sex, and if so, at what age does this happen and to what degree? Before I rip into it, watch this funny Mad TV clip:
I feel it’s my job as a (potential) parent to teach my kids the birds and the bees. I would introduce the concepts, talk long and hard about safe sex and pregnancy, and make birth control available. I definitely wouldn’t have a problem giving condoms to my kids. I would address the subject with humor and make all involved as comfortable as possible about the subject. Since I’m a social artist, I think I could make this conversation happen pretty easily.
I would make it known that if they wanted technical knowledge about how to do it properly and well, I’d be up for that discussion. I would also have books, ebooks, and even decent adult videos at their disposal so they can broaden their knowledge base.
Why? The first reason is so they can avoid unwanted pregnancy. I absolutely don’t want them getting into any pregnancy pacts or pulling a Juno on me at age 15. This doesn’t mean they can’t have sex…but it does mean they have to use condoms/birth control.
Second reason is health and avoiding disease. Obvious.
Thirdly, because sex is absolutely a skill that is learned. Good sex is integral to having a good LTR, and further, it’s at the core of who we are as men and women. When we have sex, it epitomizes our masculine and feminine natures, and doing this skillfully and without confusion affects the rest of our lives in positive ways. What it boils down to is good sex makes you a better person, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s an expression of who we are. I want my kids to have good sex.
Personal Example of Poor Sex Fucking Up My Relationships
Here’s an example where me being a lousy sexual partner fucked up a relationship. There was this girl Rita, who I dated for a year in college. She was like my third sexual partner. She was more experienced, very athletic, and she had a high sex drive. I thought I was king shit in the bedroom until I met this chick. Boy, was I was wrong. I found out pretty quick I was lame and I felt intimidated by her sex drive. The result was that I got laid, but I never screwed her like a champion.
Long story short, she cheated on me a bunch because I wasn’t getting the job done. Yes, there were other problems with the relationship, but what it boils down to was I wasn’t masculine enough for her, and at the core of this was my (lack of) sexual maturity. She needed a man when I was merely a boy (incidentally, this is one of many reasons why women go out with older guys). If I had the knowledge and the skill I have now, things could have worked out differently. Even if we still had only gone out for a year, that year would have been a lot better. And hell, maybe we’d still be together.
My point here is if you don’t have the skill/knowledge/experience in the bedroom, it’s going to affect your overall relationship. You’ll lose your partner because he/she is de-attracted by your sexual style. If you’re a guy and you can’t play the dominant role and satisfy your woman, she’s going to find someone who will. If you’re a chick and you can’t satisfy your man and play the feminine role (ie be dominated), the guy is going to cheat. Not only is it a skill issue, but you need to have the OPEN MINDEDNESS to explore, read, research, and experiment with new things. You can’t be intimidated by sex or embarrassed to ask questions. Of particular importance is that you can’t let your ego get in the way of improving your bedroom game, ie thinking that you’re already awesome when in fact you’re totally mediocre. I think this is a big problem and a source of much of the relationship conflict we see today, especially among younger adults.
Where does this start? It starts with you, the parent, talking sex and being open.
Class Is In Session With Lance
Heh heh, here’s an interesting situation. About a month ago I was in a hookah bar around midnight with some friends. In the booth next to me was a 3-set, two girls and a guy. They looked young, but since they were in a bar I figured it was game on. I pulled into their booth, opened them, hooked, and proceeded to hang out until closing time. They taught me how to smoke hookah and I regaled them with funny Lance stories. We also had a brilliant, deep conversation about sex, which spanned technique, losing virginity, gay sex vs. straight sex, deep spot, g-spot, clitoral vs. vaginal orgasms, multiple orgasms, Kegals, safe sex, and a ton of other stuff. Well, it turns out the guy was gay and in the closet (his parents didn’t know) and he could only talk to his platonic girlfriends about the subject. The girls were sexually active but didn’t know anything, like they didn’t know where the g-spot was (I described it). They kids were smart, responsible, and intelligent. The gay guy said I was the first male figure he ever felt comfortable talking about his sexuality with. All three of them were 18 and had just graduated from high school, like a week prior. At the end on our interaction, I advised them to be critical thinkers, not to get knocked up, and always use protection.
Do you want your 18 year old kids learning about sex from Lance, or should you be doing it?
Parents and non-parents, I’d like you to wade with your perspectives. How did you learn about sex, and what are you going to teach your kids?
Check out these two ebooks
I mentioned two ebooks that really pumped up my bedroom game. Both are written for guys. Here they are:
- The Sex God Method, by Daniel Rose
- Masterful Lover Foundations, by David Shade
The sexgodmethod website is currently down, but you can find the ebook on scribd.com. Shade’s site starts with an opt-in page, so you’ll have to enter an email address to the get to the product. Disclaimer: We’re not affiliates of either of these companies. I’m just telling you what I’ve read and what’s helped me. Take that for what it’s worth.
This is part 1 of 2. Tomorrow I’ll blog about a possible model for sex ed that combines a variety of resources, and what some alternatives are if you’re totally squemish and can’t stand the thought of your 17-year-old son sticking it in his gf’s pooper.