WTF!?! She Stole My Watch!

Holy crap, how come I get all the crazy ones? You know this girl Kitty I’ve been banging, er, dating? Well, things have definitely gone into the shitter with her. Here’s what happened.

I was out of town for a week and the whole time Kitty and I communicated. Cutesy texts, emails, even a couple of phone calls. It looked like this thing might be a decent deal. We planned to meet for drinks on the Sunday that I got back. Sunday rolled around, I went to the bar where we were supposed to meet and she stood me up over text. Yeah, that’s right, she texted that she was too tired from working (she worked occasional weekends at a hospital) and couldn’t make it. Okay. I was miffed, but I blew past it and actually ended up having a rocking good time anyway. I called up some pals and partied with them. Screw it.

On Tuesday, we made the same plans to meet for margaritas and she flaked again, this time by texting me right after work. Same thing. Too tired.

On Wednesday she invited me over to her house. We watched American Idol and drank wine and chilled. It was pretty okay, but the damn dogs were up my butt again and it was really obnoxious. I banged her four times, which was fine, except there was no oral sex. Apparently she had a thing against oral sex (giving and receiving), but I didn’t get verbal confirmation of this until a couple of days later. BTW, that’s a major deal breaker, but whatever, this story gets far worse than a missing blowjob.

I have this cool Bulova dress watch that my mom gave me for Christmas a few years back. It’s like one of the nicest things I own, and I only wear it when I go out. Well, I took it off and left it on her dresser that night and forgot about it until the next day.

My Watch

(Help! I’ve been kidnapped by a drunk chick!)

We planned to meet for drinks on Friday, basically the same date she flaked on twice before. We set a tentative plan of me picking her up at 7:30 and I told her I’d call prior to leaving my house. I called at 7:00. No answer, so I left a voicemail. 7:30 went by and I never heard back from her. I called again. Nothing. I texted. Nothing. I said fuck it and I went to get something to eat. She finally texted me at 9:30 asking what happened to me. What happened to me?? What happened to YOU. We texted back and forth for a bit and got pissy with each other. She acted like I flaked on her, but I know she flaked on me.

At this point, I knew something was awry. I didn’t talk about this in previous posts, but she’s been erratic in her behavior. I simply overlooked it because she’s hot and I wanted to donk her. Well, here’s my theory. I think she’s a sneaky little alkie, and she drinks herself to sleep every night. I mean, every night of the week. Her flakes are because she either gets too drunk to hang, or she simply passes out on her couch. Remember how I said she was really nervous and fidgety on our first date? I think that’s because she’s super uncomfortable in social situations and she hadn’t caught a buzz yet. After she had a few drinks in her, she mellowed and I was able to connect. My game started working. Also, I know for a fact that she slept on her couch for the last two weeks because she told me so.

Anyway, the latest is this. We texted more yesterday and she apologized because she FINALLY got all of my vmails, and she blamed it on spotty cell phone service. Yeah, right. I invited myself over to her place, not because I wanted to nail her, but because I wanted my damn watch back. Well, I went over, we hung for two hours (the conversation was actually quite good), and she passed out on top of me on the couch. I wriggled out and tried to get her to relocate to the bedroom. She didn’t want to go. I mean, she completely resisted the idea of sleeping in her bed. I went upstairs, looked around for my watch, and it was gone!!

I went back downstairs and asked her about it. She said she hadn’t seen it. She was still laying on the couch with her eyes closed. I left.

Fucking nuts! I want my watch back!! My plan is to maintain the connection and see if I can go over there and look for my watch, maybe after she passes out on the couch again. My guess is she either gave it to her little brother or pawned it off. Fuck. I really liked that watch.

Avoid match chicks like the Superflu. There’s all nuts.

  • http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk NML

    See this is why I say that even when it comes to shagging, you need to be careful who you f*ck before they f*ck you up. That woman has a whole load of red flags screaming from her and no amount of sex and a lack of blowjobs is worth some chump woman stealing your sh*t. That is so out of line! I really hope you get your watch back x

    NMLs last blog post..Relationship Advice: Should I tell my boyfriend that I’ve been cheating on him?

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    I can’t even begin to describe how pissed I am about the watch. I’m swearing off online chicks for another three months because of it. Oh yeah, I haven’t heard from her in a couple of days so I know she was jerking me around.

  • http://www.vcarded.com The Virgin

    “Spotty cell service?” You think they’d come up with better excuses by now. Although to be fair, my friend got a text on his cell phone on Saturday night inviting him to come out drinking with another friend, but that text was sent Friday night – because I was right there with that friend when he sent that Friday. I doubt that’s the case here, though.

    And that sucks about your watch, man.

  • http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com cheekie

    Wow. Quite the piece of work you hooked up with there Lance.
    And ya, I swore off of online guys ages ago, after one went totally nutter on me. Refused to give me a pic, only wanted to have ‘dirty’ calls and texts. Then when I kicked him to the curb (fast) he wouldn’t back off and got really scary. Really scary. Argh.

    Hope you get that watch back, it’s nice!
    And find some normal chicks, would ya?

  • http://evilwoobie.com evilwoobie

    DO NOT GIVE UP until you get your Bulova back!!!
    Romance her again, get her to admit where she pawned it, just please get it back. It’s your mom’s gift! Ok, im getting agitated myself.

    :D I’m subscribing just to track your progress. And because I love your site.

    evilwoobies last blog post..Online Dating How To

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Yeah, keep bugging her about the watch. If she sees you really miss it and value it, maybe it will magically appear. (And don’t accuse her of taking it)

    This made me think of women who sleep over at my place. They always leave something behind – earrings, watches, bracelets, something unique. I’m convinced it’s on purpose, like they want to see if I’m banging some other chick, and they hope that other chick finds the earring, etc. (Like in the movie Sex, Lies, and Videotape when one sis finds the other’s earring… )

    Get that watch back!

    dadshouses last blog post..A Creepy Writing Vibe

  • http://thedateabledork.typepad.com The Dateable Dork

    Fuck that shit! Lance, this is total bullshit. Who knew Kitty would turn out to be a stealing psycho bitch?

    This is why I fucking hate dating sometimes!

    The Dateable Dorks last blog post..Exhausted and in need of a cuddle

  • http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk NML

    Any word on that watch yet or do we need to go hire somebody? ;-)

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    I didn’t get the watch back and I’m absolutely not expecting to. Live and learn, don’t live valuables at a casual encounter’s house. My guy friend gave me some great advice, he said cut your losses and go buy the exact same thing on ebay. I have maintained the connection with her via email and text, so it’s possible I’ll see her again, although I don’t have an agenda.

  • http://www.bakzo.com guess watches

    I really liked your blog!

  • Sandra

    This girl has problems. But your problem is not her. Your problem is your own inability to to pick a good person. The watch is your payent to learn a lesson.
    Idiiot. Grow up.

  • Lumpitus

    I wrote the following to a particularly attractive doctor on match this morning.

    I’m interested in you because I am diligently seeking a woman who will work hard to earn the money it takes to afford the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed to without me having to work or otherwise contribute.

    Even after all those years of schooling on the grandmother’s dime, as it turns out, I’m a hopelessly inept attorney. In addition, because I was spoiled rotten as a child I’ve got the work ethic of a banana peel.

    So, at age 35, I’ve fallen behind. I couldn’t hang on to my first wife, a successful and competent corporate lawyer, long enough to get alimony, chiefly because I was unable to refrain from sleeping with my paralegal.

    Now, after 2 abortions (one via the staircase method), my beloved paralegal has left me because I could no longer achieve a consistent erection during our weekly anal sex sessions.

    I blamed the daily quart of Scotch for my impotence, and not the Hep C virus I caught in Cabo last year and later passed on to her on purpose. I dunno, you’re the doctor, you tell me why my little slugger won’t hit home runs anymore.

    I’m determined to achieve my lifelong goal of retiring at 38 to focus full-time on my video games, however my parents lost all their money in a ponzi scheme and told me that I’m going to have to move out and find someone else to sponge off of.

    Are you the lucky M.D. for me? We’ll see!! Hope to hear from you soon!