Holy crap, how come I get all the crazy ones? You know this girl Kitty I’ve been banging, er, dating? Well, things have definitely gone into the shitter with her. Here’s what happened.
I was out of town for a week and the whole time Kitty and I communicated. Cutesy texts, emails, even a couple of phone calls. It looked like this thing might be a decent deal. We planned to meet for drinks on the Sunday that I got back. Sunday rolled around, I went to the bar where we were supposed to meet and she stood me up over text. Yeah, that’s right, she texted that she was too tired from working (she worked occasional weekends at a hospital) and couldn’t make it. Okay. I was miffed, but I blew past it and actually ended up having a rocking good time anyway. I called up some pals and partied with them. Screw it.
On Tuesday, we made the same plans to meet for margaritas and she flaked again, this time by texting me right after work. Same thing. Too tired.
On Wednesday she invited me over to her house. We watched American Idol and drank wine and chilled. It was pretty okay, but the damn dogs were up my butt again and it was really obnoxious. I banged her four times, which was fine, except there was no oral sex. Apparently she had a thing against oral sex (giving and receiving), but I didn’t get verbal confirmation of this until a couple of days later. BTW, that’s a major deal breaker, but whatever, this story gets far worse than a missing blowjob.
I have this cool Bulova dress watch that my mom gave me for Christmas a few years back. It’s like one of the nicest things I own, and I only wear it when I go out. Well, I took it off and left it on her dresser that night and forgot about it until the next day.
(Help! I’ve been kidnapped by a drunk chick!)
We planned to meet for drinks on Friday, basically the same date she flaked on twice before. We set a tentative plan of me picking her up at 7:30 and I told her I’d call prior to leaving my house. I called at 7:00. No answer, so I left a voicemail. 7:30 went by and I never heard back from her. I called again. Nothing. I texted. Nothing. I said fuck it and I went to get something to eat. She finally texted me at 9:30 asking what happened to me. What happened to me?? What happened to YOU. We texted back and forth for a bit and got pissy with each other. She acted like I flaked on her, but I know she flaked on me.
At this point, I knew something was awry. I didn’t talk about this in previous posts, but she’s been erratic in her behavior. I simply overlooked it because she’s hot and I wanted to donk her. Well, here’s my theory. I think she’s a sneaky little alkie, and she drinks herself to sleep every night. I mean, every night of the week. Her flakes are because she either gets too drunk to hang, or she simply passes out on her couch. Remember how I said she was really nervous and fidgety on our first date? I think that’s because she’s super uncomfortable in social situations and she hadn’t caught a buzz yet. After she had a few drinks in her, she mellowed and I was able to connect. My game started working. Also, I know for a fact that she slept on her couch for the last two weeks because she told me so.
Anyway, the latest is this. We texted more yesterday and she apologized because she FINALLY got all of my vmails, and she blamed it on spotty cell phone service. Yeah, right. I invited myself over to her place, not because I wanted to nail her, but because I wanted my damn watch back. Well, I went over, we hung for two hours (the conversation was actually quite good), and she passed out on top of me on the couch. I wriggled out and tried to get her to relocate to the bedroom. She didn’t want to go. I mean, she completely resisted the idea of sleeping in her bed. I went upstairs, looked around for my watch, and it was gone!!
I went back downstairs and asked her about it. She said she hadn’t seen it. She was still laying on the couch with her eyes closed. I left.
Fucking nuts! I want my watch back!! My plan is to maintain the connection and see if I can go over there and look for my watch, maybe after she passes out on the couch again. My guess is she either gave it to her little brother or pawned it off. Fuck. I really liked that watch.
Avoid match chicks like the Superflu. There’s all nuts.