About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

Working out a Sex Schedule?

Sometimes despite our best efforts, it takes awhile for both partners’ understanding of a relationship issue becomes clear, and its possible solutions take effect.  I blogged about the fact that since I started work my sleep schedule has become, well, a little more rigid than it used to be; I have to get up so early to get to work by 8 that I’m generally ready to go to bed by 9 p.m. or so.  The BF’s a night owl, so this was really affecting, thank goodness not the quality, but definitely the quantity of sex we were having.  In fact, this was all part of a downward spiral that began (oddly enough) when I moved in.  When I was commuting between Flagstaff and Phoenix,  there would usually be some late-night-reunion sex on Thursday as well as some I’ll-miss-you-baby sex on Monday right before I left.

(pencil me in, please!)

When taken in addition to the two or three times we had sex over each weekend, I was easily meeting my desired 4x/week.  However, once I moved in and was there all the time, that weekday sex started to drop off the map, and three months later when I started working, too–well, you all know what happened because I told you.

Anyway, I did the very mature relationship behaviors that we all know: I sat down and explained that I felt that our schedules had changed and that, while I wasn’t blaming anyone, having a certain amount of sex was necessary for me to be completely happy in a relationship and that currently we were not having that certain amount of sex.  He said that he understood and would make a greater effort, and we implemented some of my ideas and some of your suggestions (thanks, guys!).  However, the frequency of sex wasn’t really changing.

Then last weekend–fully a month after this conversation, somehow we started discussing what time of day we each preferred to have sex.  Turns out I have two windows: 9-11 a.m. (preferred) and 9-11 p.m.  His window (not surprisingly given his sleep disorder) is from 2-5 a.m.  Now, even on the weekend the odds of me being up at 5 a.m. are slim to none (if we stay out until a bar closes I could maybe do 2 a.m. though this is still tough).

This was like an aha! moment for him, and suddenly he realized that we are both going to have to put some effort in if we want our sex life to be satisfying.   (Not a shocker of a conclusion to you guys, I know, but it was seriously his own personal lightningbolt.)

In the time since we had this conversation (probably Thursday or Friday of last week) we’ve had sex three times which is probably a recent record.  He woke up early for me on Saturday (and by early I mean 10:30:-) ) and that night I stayed up late for him.  Then last night when I went to bed he came along to “tuck me in.”  What is interesting is that of the two times that we had sex at night, he ended up falling asleep when I did and getting back on a semi-normal sleep schedule.  So there are even some benefits to this besides the sex, which is awesome motivation to have sex even more often.

I’m so happy that things are working out, and it just goes to show the value of being patient and persevering.  Woot!

If this post made you want to have crazy monkey sex with your partner, you might also enjoy:

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    That is seriously fabulous news! Sometimes it takes a light bulb moment for us to truly see things for what they are!

    lisaqs last blog post..Reheating Old Soup

  • http://www.singlemomseeking.com/blog Single Mom Seeking

    It’s so great to hear how maturely you two handled this — without blaming.

    I wonder what it is about morning sex for so many women that makes it so… good. Such a great way to start the day. Maybe that’s another post?

    Single Mom Seekings last blog post..Tracking down my UPS man, part V

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Sex is great for making guys fall asleep, which is why I love it at bedtime. Well, I love it midday and in the morning, too, but that’s something else entirely.

    Great that you two figured this out! Now help me get some regular nooky.

    dadshouses last blog post..I Can’t BS My Kids Anymore

  • http://tsquest.blogspot.com T

    This is great news! And wonderful that you two were comfortable enough to sit down and discuss it.

    Morning sex… sounds great. Well, any sex would be good after your boyfriend’s been gone to war for nearly a year….

    Ts last blog post..Your love got me lookin’ so crazy right now

  • James

    Hi, I found your blog on this new directory of WordPress Blogs at blackhatbootcamp.com/listofwordpressblogs. I dont know how your blog came up, must have been a typo, i duno. Anyways, I just clicked it and here I am. Your blog looks good. Have a nice day. James.

  • http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder Kat Wilder

    All relationships are about communication and compromise. Oh, no, wait … all good relationships are about communication and compromise. And, of course, sex.

    Is that what they mean by the prefect trifecta?

    Kat Wilders last blog post..Repurposing my purpose