Sometimes despite our best efforts, it takes awhile for both partners’ understanding of a relationship issue becomes clear, and its possible solutions take effect. I blogged about the fact that since I started work my sleep schedule has become, well, a little more rigid than it used to be; I have to get up so early to get to work by 8 that I’m generally ready to go to bed by 9 p.m. or so. The BF’s a night owl, so this was really affecting, thank goodness not the quality, but definitely the quantity of sex we were having. In fact, this was all part of a downward spiral that began (oddly enough) when I moved in. When I was commuting between Flagstaff and Phoenix, there would usually be some late-night-reunion sex on Thursday as well as some I’ll-miss-you-baby sex on Monday right before I left.
(pencil me in, please!)
When taken in addition to the two or three times we had sex over each weekend, I was easily meeting my desired 4x/week. However, once I moved in and was there all the time, that weekday sex started to drop off the map, and three months later when I started working, too–well, you all know what happened because I told you.
Anyway, I did the very mature relationship behaviors that we all know: I sat down and explained that I felt that our schedules had changed and that, while I wasn’t blaming anyone, having a certain amount of sex was necessary for me to be completely happy in a relationship and that currently we were not having that certain amount of sex. He said that he understood and would make a greater effort, and we implemented some of my ideas and some of your suggestions (thanks, guys!). However, the frequency of sex wasn’t really changing.
Then last weekend–fully a month after this conversation, somehow we started discussing what time of day we each preferred to have sex. Turns out I have two windows: 9-11 a.m. (preferred) and 9-11 p.m. His window (not surprisingly given his sleep disorder) is from 2-5 a.m. Now, even on the weekend the odds of me being up at 5 a.m. are slim to none (if we stay out until a bar closes I could maybe do 2 a.m. though this is still tough).
This was like an aha! moment for him, and suddenly he realized that we are both going to have to put some effort in if we want our sex life to be satisfying. (Not a shocker of a conclusion to you guys, I know, but it was seriously his own personal lightningbolt.)
In the time since we had this conversation (probably Thursday or Friday of last week) we’ve had sex three times which is probably a recent record. He woke up early for me on Saturday (and by early I mean 10:30:-) ) and that night I stayed up late for him. Then last night when I went to bed he came along to “tuck me in.” What is interesting is that of the two times that we had sex at night, he ended up falling asleep when I did and getting back on a semi-normal sleep schedule. So there are even some benefits to this besides the sex, which is awesome motivation to have sex even more often.
I’m so happy that things are working out, and it just goes to show the value of being patient and persevering. Woot!
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