Be More Awesome By Being More Specific With Your Goals

I think everyone should set some clear relationship goals before moving forward in their search for dating and mating. This may sound like obvious advice, but I think it’s worth exploring.

For some people, like guys and gals in their 20s, this isn’t so obvious. Ask yourself the question, what am I looking for?

Your answers could be:

I want to have sex with as many partners as possible for the next 3 years.

I’m looking to date casually and have fun going on the town.

I’m looking to find 2-3 travel buddies to meet for exciting adventures in interesting locations.

I want a strong monogamous relationship that lasts for years and years with an exciting, passionate love life.

I want to get married within 24 months and have 3 kids with my partner.

I want a rich sugar daddy to buy me a car and pay my rent in exchange for sex.

I want to be in several polyamorous relationships and explore my kinks to the max.


You’ll notice each answer above has one thing in common: specificity. This is where most people go wrong. They don’t take the time to search themselves deeply and find the real truth to their short and long term relationship goals. As we get older, we get better at doing this because we have more experience to draw on.

Once you establish some goals, there’s no reason to cast judgment on the right or wrongness of those goals. Simply move forward and let your goals guide your actions.

For example, if you said that your goal is to have sex with as many women as possible over the next 3 years without getting into an LTR, and then you want to settle down and get married…great! Now you can move forward in your interactions with potential partners with little ambiguity. What this does is enable you to identify partners who are congruent with your goals. And yes, there will be plenty of partners who match those goals.

What are your relationship goals? If you’re in an LTR, do they match up with your partner’s goals? Are you certain they match up?

My short term goals are to date casually and focus my creative energy on business and athletic projects until after the summer. In the fall, I want to settle down and get into an good relationship, one with a 10/10 sex life and at least a 6/10 companionship. I have no interest in getting married or having kids within the next 5 years.

With any kind of goal, be flexible, and don’t expect it to go according to plan. Use it as a values guideline and don’t bullshit about your intentions.

  • Honey

    I want to get married on May 12, 2012 for less than $9K without fighting with Jake about anything :-)

  • T

    This is just a great idea about everything… not only relationships. Career, fitness, life, all of those goals should be as clear too!

    Great post, Lance!

  • Preston Blain

    Honey I hope you achieve your goals. Cos’ I think you would be the first couple ever to not fight about anything to do with the wedding :-)

    I second T. You should have clear goals in all aspects of your life as well as dating ones. I definitely need to be much more specific in what I want to achieve. I think it would help focus my mind on getting the success I want in each area of my life.

  • Alison Stewart

    Goal setting and getting clear on what you really want is so critical for all areas of your life including relationships.

    It was not until my partner got clear on what she wanted in a relationship that we were able to even get together as a couple. Until that point we were just friends.

    I have been setting goals and doing vision boards for years and am always amazed at how they all come about. My biggest lesson is getting very specific on what it is that I want.


  • ibiza weekends

    In the fall, I want to settle down and get into an good relationship, one with a 10/10 sex life and at least a 6/10 companionship.