About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

Public Service Announcement: Porn

While the BF doesn’t read my blog with any regularity, I do frequently tell him about what people say in comments and what I read on other sites.  When I was telling him about our friend who hadn’t gotten laid in a few weeks, he said, “you know what?  You should write a column on how girls should watch porn with their boyfriends.”  Well, ladies, here it is–but there’s something here for the fellas, too: why your girlfriend probably doesn’t watch porn with you now.

Ladies: Why You Should Watch Porn With Your Boyfriend

The fact of the matter is, all men watch porn.  It’s not a reflection on the woman he’s in a relationship with, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or isn’t attracted to you, and it certainly doesn’t (unless there’s a pretty severe addiction problem going on) mean that he doesn’t want to have sex with you.  And the reason men tend to hide it?  Because they know you’re never going to believe them when they say that.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned about men, it’s that, with the exception of a few assclowns who are going to lie no matter what because they get some kind of sick endorphin rush from being dishonest, most men tell it like it is.  So if you ask him what he’s thinking about, and he says nothing, well guess what?  There’s literally not a single thought going through his head.

Similarly, when he says that the porn’s not a reflection on the state of your relationship and/or sex life, he means it.  And what he would love more than anything, though he probably won’t ask for fear of sounding like a sicko or getting rejected, is for you to get in on the action.  And why?  Because porn is a great place to act out fantasies that you wouldn’t otherwise get to fulfill.

The BF, for example, enjoys watching group sex porn.  Now, it’s highly unlikely that we would ever participate in a scenario like that because the risks to our relationship are too great, but watching it gets him hard…and ladies, a guy who’s hard is halfway to having sex with you!  Not only that, but knowing that you are both okay with porn and even willing to participate (say, going down on him while he watches or even watching with him while you use your hands on his cock) is going to turn him on even more.  Because the thing about porn is that while it’s arousing for men, for most it’s not a substitute for sex.  So it’s an easy in…pun intended, of course.

Fellas: Why Your Girl Says She Doesn’t Like Porn

When the BF told me this (and I have to admit it’s a conclusion I’d already drawn, at least in part…suffice it to say I wasn’t surprised) I said, “well, you know why girls don’t do this, right?”

Well here’s the scoop, guys:

Except for the blatant anti-feminist chicks who don’t really understand what feminism is and only use their “anti-feminist” status to get the guy, most girls will say that porn is demeaning.  And when you repeat something enough times, you eventually believe it–even if you didn’t at first.

So you’ve got a girl who thinks that porn is demeaning and that women who participate in the industry are victims, financially, sexually, you name it.  She is completely and utterly intellectually (and maybe even emotionally) disgusted by the entire idea.  Then she watches a porn.

And before she knows it she’s squirming in her seat because she’s starting to get wet down there, her clit is starting to throb, and all she can think about is sex.  Sounds good, right?

But now you’ve got a girl on your hands that is aroused by the very thing that she is most disgusted by…which means that if you make a move now, she’s going to say no because not only have you not overcome her original antipathy to the porn, you’re dealing with someone who’s disgusted by her own arousal.

And that’s what you’ve got to get past in order to make this a real possibility in your love life.

Suggestions

Guys, start by sharing your fantasies with her–maybe things that you’ve never told anyone else about.  Let her know that you don’t share these things with everyone, and that you’re sharing them with her because you trust her and are turned on by her in ways that previous partners haven’t achieved.  Once she’s been complimented by you in this way, she’s motivated by your praise to make your fantasies a reality.

Now you can take this opportunity to show her the porn, but frame it this way: you’re showing her what you want, and you’re thinking about her when you watch it.  If she’s still somewhat uncomfortable with the porn then you can work up to the idea of taping yourselves, so that eventually you have enough video of the two of you getting it on that you don’t have to watch porn–at least not as frequently.

And if your porn proclivities are in the unachievable realm (at least within your relationship) then by making her part of the viewing experience, she’s ensuring that you’re completely satisfied and don’t have to go outside the relationship to get that satisfaction.

And here’s the key part: be willing to fulfill any and all possible sexual fantasies that she might be entertaining in return.  Maybe one month you watch some watersports, take a shower together and have nasty sex, and the next month you wine and dine her and give her oral sex for half an hour.  More variety, everyone gets what they’re craving…not really seeing the down side there!  Again, pun intended.

When the BF and I went to Amsterdam, I went to a live sex show with him even though I wasn’t too keen on it.  It was only eh for me, but he was putty in my hands for the rest of the trip! (Well, really hard putty…)

Thoughts?

If this post made you want to watch cum shots on YouPorn, you might also enjoy:

  • http://tsquest.blogspot.com T

    Well, as a woman, you don’t have to tell me twice. I too love porn. And I own about as much (if not more) than many of my male friends. I have a wide variety too… I know, maybe some girls think its sick. But I still remember being 11 years old and finding my dad’s Penthouse and Playboy magazines under the bathroom sink. I have always been fascinated and continue to seek out different things to learn from.

    I enjoy strip clubs and would love to attend a live sex show too.

    Really? Does that make me an anomaly? I know plenty of other girls in my life who love it like I do.

    T´s last blog post…Spirituality behind the sex

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    I love porn too and enjoy the occasional trip to the strip club. I definitely more women need to realize their man watching porn isn’t a reflection on them and join in the fun!

    lisaq´s last blog post…Why Have Sex?

  • http://bobbyboys.blogspot.com/ bobby

    By nature, men are very visual, at least more than woman when it comes to these things. This is part of the answer I believe. Woman and men should take the time to try and understand the different needs of the sexes, and similarities.

    Taboos and the like, when it comes to sex and fantasies, are very strong in some societies and can be destructive to relationships.

    I like your tips :)

    bobby´s last blog post…You are special

  • http://codagivinggirl.blogspot.com GG

    So how do I get my guy to watch it with me? I’ve said it several times (in a light, teasing kind of way) but I’d really enjoy watching it with him. Just can’t get him to bring it up. That said, my drive is pretty strong compared to the guy I’m with now. If I could put the good parts of him (big, delicious-tasting member), my ex-husband (awesome oral sex skills), my webcam lover (dirty mouth – could make me wet in 10 seconds flat) and my several one-night stands (outdoor sex, mild kink, fun new positions, etc., into one guy, I’d be a happy girl. What are your best tips for making it really clear that you want to watch some porn? I’ve asked him to go to the sex store with me and he said yes. He’s mentioned trying anal sex before (not my style unless he wants me to do it to him) but still doesn’t seem to take me seriously about the porn. Sigh…

    GG´s last blog post…Orgasm Therapy

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Definitely something we agree on. I love porn, and I even think it has the potential to grow relationships and help kids be less sexually repressed. I won’t get into that here. But couples should watch it together and fulfill their fantasies. That’s what it’s all about!

    Lance´s last blog post…Public Service Announcement: Porn