Paul Janka: Cool Guy or Douchebag?

Paul Janka

(photo credit MSNBC Media)

There was some interesting stuff in the media recently about Paul Janka, a dating coach living in New York City. He was interviewed on the Today Show by Meredith Vieira and Jennifer Schneider, a sex addiction doctor. As can be expected, the interview wasn’t really an interview…more like a chance to out Janka and sensationalize the fact that he’s slept with a lot of girls and that he’s created a system for making that happen. And that he’s totally honest about it (gasp!). You can watch the original Janka segment here. It’s interesting and well worth the eight minutes (Janka’s body language alone is worth the viewing). Janka doesn’t get rattled and he does a good job answering non-confrontationally, even though they ask ridiculous questions. Yeah, mainstream media at it’s finest again.

Here’s the vid on youtube:


A couple of problems I have with the interview in no particular order:

  • Vieira kicks off the interview by saying that “women tend to think that you’re reprehensible, abhorrent, a creep…” I don’t know Janka personally, but I’m guessing that the vast majority of women he’s slept with DO NOT express this, and in fact most of the them are probably pretty happy about the casual encounter. Janka alludes to this in his response…my guess is Vieira is referring to the message board responses to Paul’s blog post on the MSNBC site, which you can find here. Yes, most of the responses are scathing, but they’re totally irrelevant to what his sex partners are actually saying.
  • They don’t talk about the fact that Janka is a dating coach, and instead refer to him as a writer and serial seducer.
  • They focus on Janka’s sex life and don’t mention the reality of dating or what the modern dating experience is like AT ALL. Again, Paul alludes to this in his responses. The fact is dating is a royal fucking bitch, probably even more so in NYC, and if you don’t have some kind of system or skills to manage it you’re going to get left with your dick in your hand. Vieira and the doc are so out of touch with what dating is really like, it’s like they’re still living in the 50’s. Try being single in NYC for a couple of years and see what you’ll do to get laid, or hell watch a season of Sex and the City and you’ll get a sense of what a battle it is.

My take: Lots of people have lots of sex partners. Sure, Janka has done over 100 chicks, which is unusually high, but is he really that different from any other guy that goes out every single weekend and tries to pull ass? He’s just really good at it. He’s honest about what he wants and he doesn’t lead the women on. Points for him. I also give him points for being a dating coach, selling his services, and helping other guys improve their social skills.

Also, how many partners can a man have before he’s considered a “Lothario”? Is 20 partners for a 30 year old guy acceptable? How about 30? If 30 partners is sort of pushing the limit but still acceptable, what’s the intrinsic difference? Here’s a thought…let’s say you’re a studly (unmarried) 50 year old man and you’ve had 30 sexual partners, that’s an average of 1 partner per year since age 20. That’s pretty slim by my accounting. If you bump this guy up to an average of 3 partners per year for 30 years, you’ve got 90 partners. Is that a scary

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number? Let’s not even get into the double standard of what’s considered acceptable on the women’s side…

I think guys like Janka are at the very edge of attraction science and the insight they provide, often for free via blogs and articles, are pure gold. Dating and courtship is evolving rapidly and we need guys like Janka to push the limits and help us make sense of it. These are things you won’t learn from your parents or from any class.

The lifestyle of a professional dating coach is pretty intense and I think that’s where a lot of the respondents on the MSNBC blog are getting tripped up. Yeah, he spends all day scoring numbers and setting up dates, seems pretty creepy on the surface, but again, someone has got to push the limits and figure this stuff out. That lifestyle isn’t for me, but neither are a lot of other lifestyles.

My verdict: Paul Janka, cool dude. I would definitely have a beer with that guy.

  • The Virgin

    Hey, you beat me to writing about Paul Janka! 😉

    I absolutely agree, I like this dude a lot…brutally honest and isn’t saying anything that people don’t already know (event if they don’t want to admit it). He also isn’t giving those women anything that they don’t already want, otherwise they wouldn’t be with him, plain and simple.

    I love how the hosts on the Today Show attempt to make it HIS responsibility when (if) women get too attached and have wrong intentions about where the relationship is going. Yet, you’ll never see them putting women on the spot when “nice guys” they reject also get the wrong idea. It’s always the guy’s fault on these morning talk shows.

    Janka did lose some favor with me when he went on Dr. Phil in what was an obvious setup. One could argue that he did so for the same reason Ross Jeffries did (marketing), but are guys he’s marketing to REALLY watching shows like Dr. Phil and daytime TV?

  • Scot McKay

    Man, I saw that clip from the Today show and it almost cajoled my lunch to the surface.

    Not because of Janka, though. It was that Vieira lady who made my stomach churn.

    She pretty much laid the blame of broken hearted “impressionable” women at Janka’s feet.

    I can’t believe he sat there and took it, stonefaced.

    I would have made it clear to that lady that she was single-handedly setting back the Women’s Movement about 50 years by asserting that women are powerless victims who have no control over their decisions and subsequent actions.

    Talk about being “out of touch” and “living in the 50’s”.

    Vieira is a bigger threat to women than Janka ever will be.

  • marc

    Definite cool guy. Not because of all his conquests, but because of how he handled himself in the interview. He was cool, calm, relaxed, and honest.

    Despite their criticisms, Vieira and the therapist seem so taken by him, I thought they’d jump him mid-interview.

    marcs last blog post..The Bikini Pic

  • lisaq

    “Let’s not even get into the double standard of what’s considered acceptable on the women’s side…”

    Amen! That’s a whole different discussion!

    Ridiculous is the word I would use to describe Vieira’s treatment of Janka. In my opinion, he’s completely on target. We’re all responsible for our own actions and our own feelings. If a woman projects her feelings onto him, that’s on her. It certainly isn’t on him.

    lisaqs last blog post..The "Mr. Big" Syndrome

  • Mike Stoute

    This interview was a lot better than the other one I saw. He seemed to have calmed down a little in the “pompous” arena.
    I like confidence, but too much comes off the wrong way (arrogance), as I feel he did in that Dr Phil spot.

    The thing is that the power to “seduce” is like the force. In the wrong hands, it can be used for the dark side. It all comes down to ethics and motives of men and women.

    So if you can tell that a girl is go-go-ga-ga over you, take that into consideration (as an ethical person, not just a guy) before stomping on her heart, or in her box. Once you open the box, you can not close it.. (double meaning implied and STRESSED!)

    Mike Stoutes last blog post..Denise Richards gets a spray tan in the Nude

  • Jonsi

    From this video, he seems like a normal guy, not creepy at all. I’m sure he has hurt some women, but he’d hurt them too in a more traditional dating context. You ARE responsible for someone else’s feelings if you are aware of how they feel about you. For example, if you know your FWB is in love with you and wants more, it doesn’t really matter if you keep saying “this is just sex.” It’s unethical and dishonest to continue. But in the early, casual dating stages, no, you are not responsible…not until you know how your partner feels.

    Searching his name, however, I must say: what was leaked about his book proposal a couple years ago is sleazier than most PUA’s, but he was trying to market and sell something specific to the fast paced NYC dating scene. I wouldn’t rate him as my favorite PUA because I tend to like the guys who market general social and life skills, creating fun and interesting social interactions, dating being the component they focus on, but only one component of life.

  • Anon

    I think his major crime is that hair. What’s with that? It’s scary. Is it a toupe?

  • Dime

    Hey this dude is cool. He is greater than cassanova. I believe what he says. Everybody is talking about him sleeping with over 100 women. Did you guys forget about VH1 Pick-up Artist? Mystery? Mystery has slept with over 400 women.

  • Brad

    I agree…

    100 is not that difficult.

    Especially if you are 29 and up (single)… when the divorced moms start hitting the scene.


    Brads last blog post..Your Word Selection: The Icing On The Cake

  • St Jonas

    Very interesting. I find it amazing how casually some ‘offended women’ throw out disdain & judgement over something as basic as good dating & attraction skills. What high-horsing and controlling entitlement.

    It is their intellectually lazy ploy to block men from acquiring a strong skill set with women – the women that discourage this must feel vaguely uneasy, fearful of the wrong man’s control over THEM. They don’t want to be fools in the hands of guys who mis-use ‘techniques’ – partly because they don’t ‘get’ what is really going on or do the research. They just characterize a positive thing negatively.

    These women may also fearfully disapprove of a man being successful with numerous women, because it does not fall into their own self-interested mating strategy. Namely, they demand a self-sacrificing monogamous provider who does not divide resources towards children that are not her own.

    Regardless of whether the children are HIS own I may add – at least ten per cent of us are known to be children of cheating mommies, and not dad’s kid at all. Again, the one-sided female prerogative is the loudest voice in the situation, as she may opt to collect both a provider AND a genetically favorable father in two different men.

    One may hear this to be misogynist, I plainly see it to be ruthlessly biological — meaning, that which guarantees one’s personal genetic immortality is everything that motivates all human behavior in the greater sphere of life. And this at all costs, beyond all fairness, and employing all manipulation without remorse…

    And a little Disclaimer – yes some PUA’s MAY be sociopaths, and I still concur with those who believe love and sex (powerful forces) CAN be part of a higher inter-personal goal. That’s not the fish to fry here. Let’s stick to the main point of all this as it applies to every ordinary man – he MUST gain superior social strengths to succeed at high interpersonal levels, in our very messed-up and unforgiving western society. If he does not have that or learn that he is toast as far as success with women is concerned. Becoming a man women want is everything, and with this in view a man must not be baffle-gabbed by the nervous chatter of others.

  • James

    Like Scot McKay says, these women that Paul Janka slept with knew exactly what they were doing and if the truth be told, numerous others just like them wish more men were just as direct.

    Sure, not every woman wants to be picked up and seduced. Some reserve sex for relationships or the minimum three dates. But for those who have already decided in their heads that “same day lays” is ok under the right circumstances, a guy like Paul Janka is just what the doctor ordered…

  • PUA Warbucks

    I think the man is a genius. I’ve seen quite a few women that would admit they are exactly the type of guy they would look to sleep with. I wouldn’t emulate his crudeness, but his ideas are effective.
    .-= PUA Warbucks´s last blog …Why Lifestyle is More Important than Game – Part 1 =-.

  • Amsterdam

    Paul Janka: Cool guy for sure!

    for all those people out there wondering why he stayed so cool and relaxed during those interviews.

    Well I met him for a drink and asked him, he gave me a great answer.

    Let me say this last thing his confidence is legendary!

  • jale2286

    He is a douchebag. He lies about everything and misleads women into sex. I look upon my personal encounter with him negatively, given that everything that came out of his mouth was not true.

    I’m fine with casual sex, but lying and manipulating women into it, I am not cool with.

    ” I don’t know Janka personally, but I’m guessing that the vast majority of women he’s slept with DO NOT express this, and in fact most of the them are probably pretty happy about the casual encounter.” Wtf, Lance?