(photo credit MSNBC Media)
There was some interesting stuff in the media recently about Paul Janka, a dating coach living in New York City. He was interviewed on the Today Show by Meredith Vieira and Jennifer Schneider, a sex addiction doctor. As can be expected, the interview wasn’t really an interview…more like a chance to out Janka and sensationalize the fact that he’s slept with a lot of girls and that he’s created a system for making that happen. And that he’s totally honest about it (gasp!). You can watch the original Janka segment here. It’s interesting and well worth the eight minutes (Janka’s body language alone is worth the viewing). Janka doesn’t get rattled and he does a good job answering non-confrontationally, even though they ask ridiculous questions. Yeah, mainstream media at it’s finest again.
Here’s the vid on youtube:
A couple of problems I have with the interview in no particular order:
- Vieira kicks off the interview by saying that “women tend to think that you’re reprehensible, abhorrent, a creep…” I don’t know Janka personally, but I’m guessing that the vast majority of women he’s slept with DO NOT express this, and in fact most of the them are probably pretty happy about the casual encounter. Janka alludes to this in his response…my guess is Vieira is referring to the message board responses to Paul’s blog post on the MSNBC site, which you can find here. Yes, most of the responses are scathing, but they’re totally irrelevant to what his sex partners are actually saying.
- They don’t talk about the fact that Janka is a dating coach, and instead refer to him as a writer and serial seducer.
- They focus on Janka’s sex life and don’t mention the reality of dating or what the modern dating experience is like AT ALL. Again, Paul alludes to this in his responses. The fact is dating is a royal fucking bitch, probably even more so in NYC, and if you don’t have some kind of system or skills to manage it you’re going to get left with your dick in your hand. Vieira and the doc are so out of touch with what dating is really like, it’s like they’re still living in the 50′s. Try being single in NYC for a couple of years and see what you’ll do to get laid, or hell watch a season of Sex and the City and you’ll get a sense of what a battle it is.
My take: Lots of people have lots of sex partners. Sure, Janka has done over 100 chicks, which is unusually high, but is he really that different from any other guy that goes out every single weekend and tries to pull ass? He’s just really good at it. He’s honest about what he wants and he doesn’t lead the women on. Points for him. I also give him points for being a dating coach, selling his services, and helping other guys improve their social skills.
Also, how many partners can a man have before he’s considered a “Lothario”? Is 20 partners for a 30 year old guy acceptable? How about 30? If 30 partners is sort of pushing the limit but still acceptable, what’s the intrinsic difference? Here’s a thought…let’s say you’re a studly (unmarried) 50 year old man and you’ve had 30 sexual partners, that’s an average of 1 partner per year since age 20. That’s pretty slim by my accounting. If you bump this guy up to an average of 3 partners per year for 30 years, you’ve got 90 partners. Is that a scary number? Let’s not even get into the double standard of what’s considered acceptable on the women’s side…
I think guys like Janka are at the very edge of attraction science and the insight they provide, often for free via blogs and articles, are pure gold. Dating and courtship is evolving rapidly and we need guys like Janka to push the limits and help us make sense of it. These are things you won’t learn from your parents or from any class.
The lifestyle of a professional dating coach is pretty intense and I think that’s where a lot of the respondents on the MSNBC blog are getting tripped up. Yeah, he spends all day scoring numbers and setting up dates, seems pretty creepy on the surface, but again, someone has got to push the limits and figure this stuff out. That lifestyle isn’t for me, but neither are a lot of other lifestyles.
My verdict: Paul Janka, cool dude. I would definitely have a beer with that guy.