10 Reasons Why Undergrad Girls Are Lame

I was having lunch near campus the other day, and because I happened to be by myself I had the dubious privilege of overhearing three undergraduate girls’ conversation. While they were pretty enough, they were living proof of why youth is boring. And yet, I see girls in their late 20s and early 30s trying like hell to cling to something that was never attractive in the first place! Here are the top 10 reasons why undergrad girls are lame. If you are 18-22, you will really stand out from the crowd if you avoid these behaviors. And, unfortunately, if you are older than 22 you will probably also really stand out from the crowd if you avoid these behaviors.

1. Talk about how icky hard liquor is unless you mix it with something. The undergrads I overheard suggested vanilla vodka with “lots of coke.” I suggest growing the fuck up and ordering, oh, I don’t know, a martini? My personal favorite is a G&T. I also appreciate a solid microbrew or imported beer (not Heineken). Whatever you do, and this goes for guys and girls, if you ever go to a fucking brewery and order a Bud Light you deserve to be shot on sight.

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10 Signs You Might Be A Complete Douchebag

I go out a lot and I see a lot of guys I would term douchebags. What is a douchebag? A douchebag is sort of like a wannabe pimp, but with no game, a lousy personality, and a scuzzy/skeezy vibe. A poser, if you will, but a highly evolved version. I’ve put together this little list of fun-ness that will help you a) avoid douchebags if you’re out and about, and b) avoid becoming a douchebag if that’s the path you’re on. Douchebags. Avoid like the superflu.

1. Treating your girlfriend like shit and blaming it on her. True sign of an uber-douche. Dude, if you don’t like your girlfriend, or you’re not attracted to her, ditch her and spare her the grief of your doucheness. And then go read some personal development books and stop being a douche.

2. Bragging about the crazy poonani you’re getting in order to impress friends when in actuality you’ve haven’t gotten laid in a year. Obvious. If you’re a pimp, more power to you, but don’t brag, and if you’re not a pimp but you pretend to be one, go behind the shed and flagellate yourself with a wet Affliction t-shirt.

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The Weekly: Hope You Get Laid

Pimps, players, chodes, and alpha bitchez. It’s the weekend, which means it’s time to spread the love. Here are the cool blogs & sites I unearthed this week plus my shamefully unapologetic kneejerk commentary. Have a wonderful weekend. I hope everyone gets laid.

Greg Lalas, a writer with Boston Magazine, attends a Vin DiCarlo bootcamp in Boston and writes about it. See the article here. This is a longish and well written bootcamp review and history of one of the top PUA instructors in the industry. Lalas doesn’t pull punches. He’s less than flattering for the most part and allows a few (backhanded) compliments towards the end. Money quote:

Sure, seductionism makes me glad I don’t have a daughter running around out there. But, ultimately, Vin’s lessons aren’t any nuttier than those of more culturally accepted “gurus” like business legend Tony Robbins, or fitness freak Richard Simmons, or even damn Dr. Phil. In his own way, Vin’s a very serious thinker who spends his days refining his craft. He’s not merely interested in getting laid or helping other men get laid; he’s obsessed with finding a better way to teach men how to get laid so that no man will ever feel the way he once did—like a nobody.

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Lance’s Take: Yes! to Friends With Benefits

I ain’t gonna lie. I love fuck buddies. I think it’s the best thing since sliced bread.

I look around and I see variations of the FB relationship EVERYWHERE…it’s a commonplace thing. I first heard the term in college and realized that everybody was doing it. If you weren’t embroiled in a serious relationship, you were getting laid, and your partner was basically a fuck buddy.

buddy41.jpg

(Excuse me. Would either of you like to be my fuck buddy?)

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Honey’s Take: The Straight Dope on Friends With Benefits

Lance turned me on to this article on askdanandjennifer.com about friends with benefits (aka “Fuck Buddies”), and as is so often the case, we couldn’t resist the allure of our two cents on the issue. The article claims that women are more likely to get emotionally attached and want more from the relationship; while this is certainly a possibility, I have to say that it hasn’t been my experience. In my time, I have noticed way more women open to the idea of FB-type relationships, while men tend to have a huge problem with it. In any case, here is my take on the conventional understandings of fuck buddies, and why I think those conventional understandings don’t quite hit the mark.

#1: Women Get Attached Too Easily

It appears scientifically verifiable that women’s bodies produce chemicals that form emotional attachment when they’re physically intimate with someone. However, I don’t understand using that fact to warn women away from participating in FB-type relationships. Presumably, the entire point of fuck buddies is that you already have an emotional attachment to that person, which means that you:

  • Feel comfortable talking with them,
  • Have flirted before and have physical chemistry, and
  • Also have a much better idea of their recent sexual history/STD status.

This last one is especially important–there’s nothing wrong with casual sex with people you don’t know well, but you have to be that much more careful, especially if you’re a woman. In the case of FB, you’ve probably talked about your sexual histories while flirting (a great way to build sexual tension that tends to backfire in the context of traditional relationships). You also have mutual friends, which works as a nice background check. If this were really a person that you wanted to be in a relationship with, you would have tried that by now. To me, this means that the woman is just as uninterested in pursuing a committed, monogamous, romantic relationship as the man is.

The caveat: if you do want a romantic relationship with the person who approaches you, you should not take them up on their offer. Similarly, you should not approach someone you are romantically interested in with an offer to become FBs. This is where the potential to get hurt comes from, not from the FB system itself.

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The Art of Being Picky: What’s Negotiable and What’s Not

If you’re not a total player douche like Lance, then the purpose of dating for you (as it was for me), is finding the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. In order to be successful at this, you have to accept a few truths:

  • This is not an overnight process. You will have to go on a lot of dates in order to find someone who’s right for you.
  • You will also have to take an active role in the process. You can’t wait for dates to come to you.
  • In fact, this active role needs to begin before you go on any dates at all. You will never find what you are looking for if you don’t know what that is.

Call me a Virgo, but making lists was the most effective means for me to decide what I was looking for. So as a first step, list everything that you’d ideally want in a permanent romantic partner.

This first list is a rough draft, so be as picky as you possibly can. Age, body type, education level, activity/fitness level, food preferences, sexual preferences (I’m not just talking gay or straight, here. I mean do you need it twice a day, or twice a month? Do you like it rough with biting and scratching, or are you a tender lover? Do you like bondage? Water sports? The Poly lifestyle?), pet preferences, alcohol/smoking/drug use, religious preferences, how many kids you want (if any), the activities you like to participate in your free time, your stance on firearms, reproductive rights, politics, etc. The point here is don’t skimp–list every single thing you can think of. As you create this list, you’ll probably find yourself adding to it over a week or two. Give yourself that time to let it simmer so you know you’ve listed everything. You absolutely cannot rely on chance, the numbers game, other people’s perceptions of you, or any other crazy random system to find “the one.”

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