Weekend Roundup: Douchebaguette Edition

Welcome welcome welcome! This week’s roundup of cool/fun/titillating/provocative/f’ed up links is dedicated to all the douchebaguette’s out there. A douchebaguette: Crazy, needy, moronic, drunk, excessive party girl, perhaps overly silly, little inner life, often times hot. Hey, I would still do one…but Christ, what a pain. See this video.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=Kzmgs9RO-_A[/youtube]

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Lousy Dating Success Secrets Debunked

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Well, I’ve really got my dander up. I can’t stand bullshitty dating advice, and I REALLY can’t stand bullshitty dating advice featured on massive mainstream websites that suck in hundreds of thousands of visitors. It’s just not a good thing. See here for what I’m talking about.

Apparently, the geniuses at Happen Magazine asked for reader submissions on dating success strategies. Okay, fine. I’m sure they got a bunch of good lines, but why publish these? Some of these suck. Perpetuates old myths and steroetypes. I consider it my duty to review and debunk. Since they don’t have a commenting feature on MSN Match, I’m writing a post about it. Feel free to flame me for my horribly biased and near-scurrilous opinions.

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10 Reasons Why Undergrad Girls Are Lame

I was having lunch near campus the other day, and because I happened to be by myself I had the dubious privilege of overhearing three undergraduate girls’ conversation. While they were pretty enough, they were living proof of why youth is boring. And yet, I see girls in their late 20s and early 30s trying like hell to cling to something that was never attractive in the first place! Here are the top 10 reasons why undergrad girls are lame. If you are 18-22, you will really stand out from the crowd if you avoid these behaviors. And, unfortunately, if you are older than 22 you will probably also really stand out from the crowd if you avoid these behaviors.

1. Talk about how icky hard liquor is unless you mix it with something. The undergrads I overheard suggested vanilla vodka with “lots of coke.” I suggest growing the fuck up and ordering, oh, I don’t know, a martini? My personal favorite is a G&T. I also appreciate a solid microbrew or imported beer (not Heineken). Whatever you do, and this goes for guys and girls, if you ever go to a fucking brewery and order a Bud Light you deserve to be shot on sight.

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10 Signs You Might Be A Complete Douchebag

I go out a lot and I see a lot of guys I would term douchebags. What is a douchebag? A douchebag is sort of like a wannabe pimp, but with no game, a lousy personality, and a scuzzy/skeezy vibe. A poser, if you will, but a highly evolved version. I’ve put together this little list of fun-ness that will help you a) avoid douchebags if you’re out and about, and b) avoid becoming a douchebag if that’s the path you’re on. Douchebags. Avoid like the superflu.

1. Treating your girlfriend like shit and blaming it on her. True sign of an uber-douche. Dude, if you don’t like your girlfriend, or you’re not attracted to her, ditch her and spare her the grief of your doucheness. And then go read some personal development books and stop being a douche.

2. Bragging about the crazy poonani you’re getting in order to impress friends when in actuality you’ve haven’t gotten laid in a year. Obvious. If you’re a pimp, more power to you, but don’t brag, and if you’re not a pimp but you pretend to be one, go behind the shed and flagellate yourself with a wet Affliction t-shirt.

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The Weekly: Hope You Get Laid

Pimps, players, chodes, and alpha bitchez. It’s the weekend, which means it’s time to spread the love. Here are the cool blogs & sites I unearthed this week plus my shamefully unapologetic kneejerk commentary. Have a wonderful weekend. I hope everyone gets laid.

Greg Lalas, a writer with Boston Magazine, attends a Vin DiCarlo bootcamp in Boston and writes about it. See the article here. This is a longish and well written bootcamp review and history of one of the top PUA instructors in the industry. Lalas doesn’t pull punches. He’s less than flattering for the most part and allows a few (backhanded) compliments towards the end. Money quote:

Sure, seductionism makes me glad I don’t have a daughter running around out there. But, ultimately, Vin’s lessons aren’t any nuttier than those of more culturally accepted “gurus” like business legend Tony Robbins, or fitness freak Richard Simmons, or even damn Dr. Phil. In his own way, Vin’s a very serious thinker who spends his days refining his craft. He’s not merely interested in getting laid or helping other men get laid; he’s obsessed with finding a better way to teach men how to get laid so that no man will ever feel the way he once did—like a nobody.

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Lance’s Take: Yes! to Friends With Benefits

I ain’t gonna lie. I love fuck buddies. I think it’s the best thing since sliced bread.

I look around and I see variations of the FB relationship EVERYWHERE…it’s a commonplace thing. I first heard the term in college and realized that everybody was doing it. If you weren’t embroiled in a serious relationship, you were getting laid, and your partner was basically a fuck buddy.

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(Excuse me. Would either of you like to be my fuck buddy?)

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