Speaking the Same Language

When I was still taking coursework, one of the requirements was a linguistics class. We read an article about a researcher who studied the language people use when speaking to close friends, relatives, or significant others versus the language that people use when speaking to strangers or people they don’t know as well. The study found that when speaking to people we know well, we have a tendency to use far more pronouns (as opposed to nouns) and other vague referents (for example, using a “code word” that refers to a mutually experienced event or story that both people know). On the other hand, when speaking to people we don’t know well, we have a tendency to use far more nouns (which are more specific) and to tell stories in their entirety.

This plays out in interesting ways when you start dating someone, because once you get past the very initial stages (let’s say about three months, which is my “shit or get off the pot” moment in dating) you have a tendency to start thinking that the other person knows you better than they do…and then you start getting vaguer and vaguer without realizing it. This can lead to misunderstandings if you’re not careful. Read the full article

The Weekly: Sunday School Edition

Alright, people, I’ve been traveling all weekend (again), but now it’s back to our regularly scheduled content. The weekend roundup! Link love to our peeps. We’ve got a real tasty batch this week.

Read this post, from John at the Sparks of Insanity blog. It’s one of the funniest blog post about online dating I’ve ever read. It’s short, pointed, and cynical as balls. If you’ve ever been frustrated by the lame shit you see on match.com or any other dating site, you’ll appreciate this.

Read the full article

Can I Buy You A Drink?

This is a guest post by dating coach and blogger Nick Sparks. Check out his blog, Just Living the Dream, and a list of his services on this page and a review here. Nick is based in Chicago.

If there is one thing that gets under my skin when guys say it, it very well could be the uttering of “can I buy you a drink?” or one of it’s variants.

Jesus, is there any other way you can connote less value or make her feel like you’re just not good enough for her?

Let’s look a these in a bit more detail:

What you say: “Can I buy you a drink?”

What she hears: “Can I buy you a drink? I mean, please? Would you honor me with the privilege of spending $5 so that you can enjoy an alcoholic beverage and possibly get more intoxicated so that you actually find me interesting? I realize that you’re far too good to actually talk to me, however, if you actually allowed me to spend money on you it would bring me great pleasure.”

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We’re Both Getting Fat!

Ah, the cliche of a great relationship: happy people are fat people. I read somewhere on a blog or website written by a guy (or maybe it was on The Real Housewives of Orange County?) that women have an obligation to remain in precisely the physical shape that they were in when they attracted the guy in the first place. No word, of course, on whether the guy has a similar obligation.

Obviously that kind of expectation is impossible, but at the same time I resent the mentality that once a couple is together they can just let themselves go and that somehow their intellectual and emotional connections will be “enough.” The BF has observed more than once that when he and his ex were getting along she gained weight and when they were fighting she’d lose it (he was in fabulous shape the whole time they dated, which I like to think must mean he was miserable the whole time), but this time the fate of most of America has caught up with both of us. While I’m flattered to think that our relationship makes him as happy as it makes me, swimsuit season is almost upon us and this is unacceptable.

scale.jpg

(Not liking what I see, plus we bought our home scale at Good Will and it weighs 10 lbs. heavy!)

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Huge Dr. Phil Kerfuffle

There’s a huge kerfuffle going on in the social arts community over last week’s Dr. Phil episode, which featured Nick and Scott from The Mystery Method and Ross Jefferies, the founder of Speed Seduction. It’s WELL WORTH WATCHING. Interestingly, Dr. Phil maintains a fairly even keel and doesn’t diss the community as hard as you might expect. He asks pointed questions and pretty much lets the guy represent themselves. Nick and Scott do a fair job of presenting pickup in a positive light, and at one point they’ve won over the majority of the audience, as shown by Dr. Phil asking for a show of hands. Nick and Scott get in a tiff with Ross over their various methods and Ross comes off as a major douchebag. The TMM guys refer to him as “creepy,” and it’s hard to argue with that. No fists or chairs are thrown.

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The Weekly: Kickass Contest Edition

I’m fired up, people. Kudos to everyone who wrote in for the contest. We had a blast with it. Here’s the weekly shout-outs to everyone who participated. May your traffic increase 10 fold and you get a zillion new subscribers.

Your Kickass Contest winner, David Mott from the Dad’s House blog, really kicked ass. See his post, There’s an order to a single parent’s relationship universe. Not only will you get David’s take on relationships, but he blogs about online dating, parenting, and he’ll even throw food and drink recipes in there. Also, he uses the word booty frequently, which has caused me to add the word back into my daily lexicon.

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