Getting Screened: How to Play the Game

A friend of mine graduated last week, so one week after packing up and leaving Flagstaff “for good,” I drove back to attend a department picnic and to attend her graduation party.  Although she’d been planning this party for some time, attendance wasn’t what she was expecting, largely because so many other people were graduating that weekend everyone was committed to something-or-other.  As a result, while a few of my friends were there, her party mostly consisted of herself, her husband, her parents, and her in-laws.  This was fine with me because I get along great with people who are older than me–in fact, I generally prefer them to people my own age.

However, it got me to remembering when I met the BF’s parents, and when he met my dad (my mom passed away when I was 18).  In fact, it struck me that meeting the parents isn’t really any different (aside from the age difference) from meeting the other person’s friends.  The question becomes, how do I impress someone who has a vested interest in, and therefore a desire to protect, the other person–and who is more than willing to do that at my expense?

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Anatomy of Three Pickups

This is part 2 of my post on getting numbers and setting up dates. Read part 1 here. I’m going to present three of my interactions and describe why they worked or didn’t work.

Before I launch into it, I want to say a few words on Calibration. Calibration is your sense of how a person is going to react to the things you say and do. The more interactions you have and the more experience you accumulate, the better you’re calibrated and the better you can respond to the other person. Calibration is pretty much fundamental to game, and every social artist will tell you to do thousands of approaches until your calibration is finely tuned. For me, this is where pickup becomes an art form…human interactions go from being awkward, clunky communications to highly interesting (and fun) exchanges. In fact, I want to go a step further and say that an interaction can become transcendent when you have two people with great game communicating with each other.

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Honey’s Take: The Number-Close Isn’t As Easy As You Think

First of all, hi everybody! I moved in with the BF this past weekend and it’s been a flurry of activity, as I’m sure you can all imagine. Fortunately I hired movers to load and unload, and the BF drove the truck (I followed behind in the car so we wouldn’t have to tow anything), but there was more than enough packing, unpacking, and moving of furniture to keep me busy since Friday night. I almost have everything under control here, so I should be able to focus a little more on the site from now on (especially since I am procrastinating my search for a day job)!

When Lance said that we should write this week’s double take on getting phone numbers (or e-mail addresses, myspace pages, whatever) I thought it was a great subject. He believes that it’s easy to get a girl’s number, and not so easy to ensure that she picks up the phone when you call (or that she doesn’t flake before your date). I think that his point that you have to really wow her so that you stick in her memory is well taken. However, in my own experience dating the reason that you have to be really sure that you’re coming across as exceptional and not creepy is that many, many times the number that you are given isn’t even the girl’s real number.

When I was doing the club thing, if I wanted a guy to go away I would give him my phone number with the last two digits reversed (sorry, whoever’s phone that was!) or give out the Rejection Line (the local radio station had a fake phone number for people to give out with a mean message about how they’d been rejected and they would play subsequent messages on the morning show). I can only think of one time that I gave a guy my actual number, and the subsequent date was so horrible that I never did it again. So how can you make a good impression, ensure that the information is correct, and arrange that all-important second meetup? Read the full article

Lance: How to Get Phone Numbers, Prevent Flakes, Get Dates

I got into a discussion about game recently with Holly Hoffman (cough cough *hottie*), author of Worklovelife.com, and it got me to thinking about getting numbers and converting them to dates. I consider myself an intermediate social artist, but what I am good at is getting phone numbers. I can talk to virtually any girl I meet, make a connection, and within 5-10′ I can number or email close. That doesn’t make me a badass pickup artist or anything…getting numbers is an step towards advanced game, but it’s one area that I’m adept at. So what I’d like to do is offer my perspective on getting numbers and setting up dates, and Honey is going to offer her version. For purposes of this post, when I say number close, I also mean email, Myspace, Facebook, or any other type of contact info.

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I Woke Up Next To Two Dogs, A Cat, And A Hot Chick

Okay, I had a great little Saturday night. Initially, I invited Kitty Lance to go for dinner at this hot Cuban place (kickass mojitos and ‘ritas), but Kitty was getting over a cold and not quite up for going out. Instead, we grilled at her place and killed a bottle of wine, which was fine because it was a spectacularly nice evening. Umm, what else does this mean? That’s right, pre-extracted, much easier to get my schwervey-schwerve on. Now, if only I could sedate the two dogs who f’ed up my game last time.

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Are We Doomed To Relationship Failure?

So a reader, Jessica, emailed me in response to my post on relationship experience here. Her main point:

So reading your key to a successful relationship made me think immediately of Catch-22. I really hope we’re not all doomed to relationship failure just because we haven’t had enough failed relationships in the past!

What I think Jessica is assuming is that since your past relationships are, well, in the past, that makes them failures, ie they didn’t last. My thing was that you should accumulate relationship experience as you move towards the next stage of your life (whatever that may be), but on the way all of your relationships should be ones of value. Just because you broke up with a gf or bf doesn’t mean that you didn’t enrich that person’s life for the time that you were with them. Even if you just dated someone for a few dates, you should have learned a bit more about attraction and had some good conversations too. Don’t undervalue these things, even if they were short term!

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