Great stuff!
T´s last blog …The Affair, part 10

I agree with you and Honey in that I don’t think there should be anything wrong about dating multiple people at the same time. And I don’t see the need to be dishonest about it either. In the beginning before you have become exclusive to any one person, if you feel it is appropriate at the moment why not just say to your dates: “Hey, by the way, I just want you to know there is couple of other people that I am dating also.”

In your question about the metric of “how does she make me feel” as a good measure for your relationship. I would like to disagree and agree.

I think that metric is primarily great for women. I think for men using that question as the primary metric makes us men easily run the risk of just becoming very self-absorbent, which I think it is so easy for us to do without such a question.

Unless, you use that metric in the sense that Offspring I think well described, which is to rather first ask yourself: “Is this someone who makes me want to give of myself to them?”

Or in a way that I would like to add, which is: “Does my contribution to her happiness make me feel happy?”And if in that sense she is making you feel good about yourself then I would agree for it to be a good measure.
Mikko Kemppe – Relationship Coach´s last blog …Why Do Relationships Seem So Complicated Today?

In a case like Lance’s, if a situation goes on like that for a month or two and it’s not obvious that there’s a frontrunner, maybe none of them are LTR material. If you’re at a casual stage then that’s fine.

I don’t think that you should ever be dishonest with anyone…if someone can’t handle not being monogamous then you just don’t sleep with them (you could continue dating or not). IMO, you’re not actually monogamous until you’ve been sleeping with each other exclusively for at least six months AND have had all necessary STD screenings. Even if you’re the only person someone’s sleeping with at the time, you’re still “sleeping with” everyone they’ve slept with since their last screening.
Honey´s last blog …Couple Use Emoticons To Replace Intimacy and Affection In Their Relationship

You brought up a good point about my potential neediness with this chick. I did A LOT of thinking about this during the time that I was dating Teri and my conclusion is that I was no more and no less needy than I always am, which is much less than the average dude. Take this with a grain of salt, but I’m a pretty cool customer in a relationship.

I think you would have to agree, though, that in ANY reasonable, healthy relationship, there is a certain level of affection and verbalized appreciation being exchanged between the two partners. The degree of that can be debated, but there’s no debate that it has to be there. With Teri, it simply wasn’t coming from her. I gave her the love and didn’t get any in return, and that’s a simple fact. The why can be debated also, and it may be something as simple as she wasn’t that into me. But whatever, that exchange wasn’t happening, so I made a thoughtful decision and broke it off.

You had a great point about her making me want to give of myself in return, something I didn’t emphasize enough in my post. You’re absolutely correct.
Lance´s last blog …A Love Styles Exercise

You’re misunderstanding what I’ve said. Wanting someone who makes you feel good has nothing to do with whether you’re being high maintenance in your requests or not. You should look for someone who makes you feel good.

High maintenance is about what is on the list of what is necessary to make you feel good. Someone who is low maintenance has a less demanding list than a high maintenance person. And how demanding the list is has to do with how much of an imposition this might be on another person.

Suppose someone says, “I only feel good if we fuck every morning for no less than 10 minutes, I get 10 text messages throughout the day telling me how awesome I am (but no repeating comments!), and I get my dinner made for me (home-cooked) every single night.” Some people might find this to be a low maintenance list; others – probably most – would think it to be high maintenance.

If someone came to you as a dating coach and said, “I only feel good about myself if my girlfriend is a 10 across the board, because it shows I can score a perfect 10,” you’d probably suggest that this person figure out how to feel good about himself with a girlfriend who doesn’t match this ideal and analyze what makes him want only a “perfect 10,” rather than encouraging him to pursue only 10s across the board, since, hey, that’s what makes him feel good. Someone who is arguably on the high maintenance side of the equation might want to look at how they might be able to find within him or herself not to need quite so much (of whatever it is they want) to make him or her feel good.

As for the standard of “does this person make me feel good?,” I’ve got no objections to that. Personally, I prefer to think of it as, “Is this someone who makes me want to give of myself to them?” I know that when I’ve found someone that makes me want to give (whether it be with my time, attention, affection, intimacy, and so on), it’s a sign that they are someone who makes me feel good. If I’ve lost the desire to give in a dating/relationship situation, and I’m only evaluating whether I’m “getting” what I want, by then, it usually means that this is not someone who is making me feel good.

So true. Reminds me of a 21-year-old coworker I knew who was getting married. When I asked him why, he replied with a sigh “It’s time.” “Time for what? Getting carded?” was my smartassed remark.

To take the point on compromise further, there is a difference between someone who doesn’t “need” that much physical contact versus someone who feels “put out” giving that much contact.

I think it’s much easier to compromise with someone who has a different style when your needs are not diametrically opposed. Someone who likes to fight by yelling in person versus someone who wants time alone and quiet to think about a response – that’s a mismatch of style that doesn’t allow for much compromise. Someone who loves hugs probably should not be with someone who hates hugs. But that’s often not the case.

For example, I’m not a hugger. However, I know that I’m with someone who appreciates hugs. We have pretty good communication. The compromise is that while I try to remember to give hugs unsolicited, I also get requests for hugs as needed too, which I have no problem going along with. Part of being in a healthy relationship means that I don’t get all huffy that I’m being asked for a hug (because I’m not a mind reader) and, on occasion, I’m even thanked when I give a hug totally out of the blue (rather than due to some set routine or expectation). Works for us.

What I was pointing out about Lance & dubbing high maintenance is that he made it sound like he wasn’t just saying, “I need 5 hugs per day, and if someone isn’t willing to hug me that much, it’s not gonna work.” It sounded more like an expectation of a hug whenever he wanted one, without regard to the possibility that: (1) the other person might not think of giving that many hugs without having a good meta-conversation about it; and (2) going around demanding “hug me!” without regard for context and then pouting about it when you’re rebuffed isn’t the way to garner affectionate or intimate hugging.