Honey and I have been kicking around the idea of writing about our ideal first date. I had to think long and hard about this one because I’ve had a lot of first dates and a lot of them stood out. They’re all pretty different, though, and a lot of it depends on the chemistry of the two people. I’ve had plenty of first dates where we didn’t go anywhere special, but the chemistry was amazing and we had a blast.
Here’s my idea of a perfect first date. It’s not really a date at all, but more like a combination pickup and instant date. This post doubles as my entry in the dadshouseblog contest.
First off, I would be doing something mundane, like going to the video store in the middle of the day. It doesn’t really matter, but let’s say that’s what I was doing. As I walked into the store, a hottie would be exiting. I would open her with situational:
Lance: “Hi. What video did you get?”
Hottie: “Hi. I rented XYX video.” XYZ could be something cool, like a Wes Anderson film, but it doesn’t have to be. It could be a chick flick too. If the video is cool, I’d simply say that I also liked it because of XYZ reasons and go into rapport with her about film, videos, etc. If it were a chick flick, I’d tease her, then go into rapport.
At this point, say about 3′ into the interaction, I’d go direct on her:
Lance: “Wow, I have to tell you I think you’re really interesting and attractive.” Pause.
We’d chitchat for another minute and I’d get the digits. Then, I’d take a leap here and ask if she wanted to get a margarita RIGHT NOW at my favorite margarita bar. This is critical, because it’s basically a screen to see if she’s spontaneous and ballsy like me. I could wait a few days and set up a date down the road, but that wouldn’t be half as much fun. I’m attracted to spontaneity and this would be unusual and exciting.
She would say yes. It would be a total movie moment…improbable, but screw it, this is my fantasy. I wouldn’t even go into the video store, I’d just drop my video in the dropbox and we would drive (separately) to Margarita Bar. It would be about 4 o’clock in the afternoon.
At Margarita Bar we’d hang out for several hours, have amazing conversation about anything and everything, flirt a fair amount (but not overdo it so as to increase the sexual tension), and drink our Patron margaritas. She would be cool, smart, fun, engaging, etc. We would also get dinner towards the end because it’s close to dinner time.
After that, we’d go back to her place and get comfortable. We’d pop in the video. Our physical connection would be to the point where we’re comfortable touching each other, like her leaning on me or putting her legs on my lap, that type of thing. We’re at this point because I’ve escalated properly during the last several hours.
We’d start making out and NOT WATCH THE VIDEO. It would be playing, but we would be too busy playing tonsil hockey. After maybe 45 minutes or so, I would suggest we go swimming (her house/apartment complex has a pool). She changes into a bikini (we’re at her place, remember) and I swim in my shorts. We hit the pool, more flirting and more physical escalation. Swimming is important because it’s physical, it keeps us pumped up, and it’s another opportunity to flirt in a different context. The tension is really ratcheted up. We swim, flirt, chat, swim, repeat for an hour or a little more. If there’s a hot tub, we hit that for 10′ or so.
We go back to her place. As soon as we walk in the door, I slam her against the wall and make out with her HARD. Tension is at an all time high. Clothes go flying off and we immediately fuck like wildebeasts wildebeests. No foreplay, no messing around. I nail her against the wall until she climaxes explosively. We do it again on the floor of the living room. It’s awesome. I fire a Peter North quality load all over her chest.
After that we hit the showers. You can probably guess where this is going. We have sex several more times, including in the shower and in her bedroom. It pretty much goes all night and it’s an all-time showstopper. It’s like the Olympics, starring Lance and a hottie.
That’s really the end of it. There could be a number of endings, but I’m thinking of these two:
- I spend the night. We start dating afterwards. We live happily ever after.
- I don’t spend the night. I leave and I’m a phantom. Because of whatever reasons, we never see each other again. We live happily ever after.
That’s my ideal first date. It combines everything I like: the thrill of the pickup, a genuine connection, spontaneity, fun, ultimate sexual tension, unforgettable sex, and it comes from out of nowhere. Is it hot in here or is it me?