This is part 3 of my FB thread. Part 1 is how we met, part 2 is how we closed the deal. This post includes the reflections and insights I had on the process of obtaining an FB. At the bottom I tell the story of how I fucked up a past relationship in true chode-like fashion.
Here are my takeaways:
1. I was attracted to Amber due to a combination of looks and personality. She’s cute, but not what I normally look for physically. Her personality and sense of humor are totally awesome though, and that jumped her up a beat or two on the attraction scale. I wanted to nail her.
2. After meeting her, but before closing the deal, I knew we would ONLY work as friends or FB’s. There are three big reasons for this: 1) She’s leaving in June to teach English in Spain, 2) We weren’t each others normal physical type, and 3) I can’t take on an LTR right now for various reasons.
3. When I gamed her up, I wasn’t moving the interaction towards anything she didn’t want. She wanted to be picked up and she was happy I had the right moves. I just had to prove I wasn’t a psycho or an insecure douchebag.
4. Before closing the deal, I developed my strategy for getting us into a fuck buddy thing and avoiding a dating or relationship frame. The simplest way to do this, which I don’t recommend, is to ask, “Hey, do you want to be fuck buddies?” So, what’s the flaw here? That’s totally unsexy! It comes off like the scene between Andy and his cougar boss in the movie 40 Year Old Virgin. Yuck. So I avoided the direct approach.
5. To set up the FB, I maintained a sexual frame with her at all times and NEVER communicated or sub-communicated that I was available for a relationship. This is the most important part. Obviously, this means I couldn’t get needy or clingy. I had to maintain fun & sexy and not lead her on by suggesting we were soul mates, LTR material, or anything like that. Then, I communicated that I was a sex master (may or may not be true). This kept things hot and immediate.
6. I wasn’t 100% certain she would go for a just-sex thing, but I handicapped it at 75%. Good odds. The point here is that I risked losing her to establish what I thought was the best relationship type. If she had refused and decided to never see me again, I would have been cool with decision.
7. We don’t just have sex. We go out on the town and have fun ALWAYS before hooking up, so in a sense we act like bf-gf when we’re together. Although there’s no hand holding. I do buy her drinks and the occasional meal. We definitely treat each other well. Never abuse your fuck buddy.
Here’s the #1 Takeaway I Gained From This Relationship
Always have a strategy for every potential relationship or romantic interaction!! If you go on a date, evaluate that person and decide if they’re a friend, fuck buddy, girlfriend, married material, or nothing at all. Do this based on every piece of info you have at your disposal. Spend time interacting, give the person a chance to shine, and then process the information the next day. Don’t make a rash decision. Go on several dates if it takes you that long. Don’t just go into an interaction with a vague feeling like, gee, she’s kinda hot and I’d have sex with her, but what next? Think a few steps ahead.
The more dates and experience you get, the faster you’ll be able make those decisions.
Also, develop an exit strategy that doesn’t fuck over you or the other person. At some point the FB relationship will end. By their nature, they’re a short term deal. If you can’t get out of the relationship without fucking over the girl, then don’t have sex with her. Move on. Don’t be that douchebag guy who leads a chick on just to keep having sex.
I think women make these evaluations naturally and automatically, sometimes to the point of disqualifying perfectly good partners if their d-bag radar is too finely tuned. My advice to you is give the guy a chance to shine. If he doesn’t and turns out to be a complete asshole, ditch him. Would love some female feedback on the qualification process here…
Never get into an LTR if you only want sex and nothing else. This will lead to a horrible relationship. Admit to yourself that you only want sex. Recognize and honor the difference between love and lust. Never get into a relationship simply because you have nothing else going on. If you don’t have many options, go find some. Or stay single.
Lastly, An Example Of How I’ve Fucked This Up In The Past
Okay, here’s a great personal example of how I’ve screwed this up in the past. This is in my pre-pimp days, when I had no skillz and I was the poster boy for average frustrated chumps.
I was part of this co-ed sports club in college. I hooked with up a chick, Rosanna, at one of our parties. We had sex. The problem here is she had a boyfriend, Larry, who not only was a member of our club, but a good friend of mine. Whoops!
Anyway, we hooked up two more times after that, both times after parties. After the third time, I turned into a complete needy asshole and I put huge amounts of emotional pressure on her to ditch her boyfriend and go out with me. I had no other female options. Guess what happened? Yup. I stole the girl. So now not only is Larry out a girlfriend (probably a good thing considering her character), but we had to dissolve our friendship. To make matters worse, Larry was the laughingstock of the club because it was perceived that he allowed me to steal his girl. Ugh
Rosanna and I went out for a full year. It was a mediocre relationship on it’s best days, and a terrible one at it’s worst. We were only mildly attracted to each other and not especially compatible. I was a needy, clingy, sackless retard. Guess what she did? She cheated on me with other guys in our club!!! Karma is a bitch, and I got what I deserved.
What I should have done was either a) hooked up with her once and called it a day, or b) not hooked up at all. But I didn’t know shit back then.
I hope this helps. Bottom line is, know what the hell you’re doing when you game up women. If you’re doing the FB thing, do it right and don’t screw over your partner.
(Have you ladies ever heard the term “fuck buddy?”…)
Photo credit Tampa Bay Times