Okay, let’s recap. I have a fuck buddy and I picked her up at a bar. Her name is Amber. She’s totally cool. Few more details: age 23, recent grad of UCLA, art history major, likes to party, moving to Spain this summer to teach English. That last piece of info is critically important because it dictates my strategy for our relationship. This is part 2 of Lance’s FB thread. Part 1 is here, and part 3 is here.
Saturday afternoon. I spent most of the day recovering from the previous night (late night, tequila shots, etc). I already had a day 2 commitment from the girls so all I had to do was plan it out and execute. My new plan was to shoot for the f-close.
Mid-afternoon, I sent Amber a text message: “I just did a Kegel.” If you’ll recall, I mentioned we had a conversation about Kegels the previous night, so I thought this would be the perfect funny, semi-mysterious text to get her thinking about me. What I didn’t want to do was just call her up and talk logistics. I wanted to spark her imagination and get her thinking of me in that fun, sexy light we established from last night (credit Matador for this strategy). It worked. She texted back, “oh dear, I just blushed.”
We traded texts for a bit, and finally I set up the logistics. We were meeting downtown at 11:00 pm.
Evening rolls around. I call all of my wings and either I get vmails or people are staying in. Lame! I desperately need wingmen, any wingmen, because I don’t want to get stuck entertaining both girls all evening. Remember, bff Josie is in town from California, so we can’t exactly ditch her if things get nutty. So I need a wing to occupy her and take some of the pressure off of me.
10:30 pm. I still have no wing. I decide, fuck it, I’ll just go downtown by myself and make some insta-friends. I’ve done this before and it works okay, but it’s unpredictable. There’s always the chance that any guy(s) I introduce into my set could game up Amber and steal the girl. I have to take the risk.
I hit up Antigua, one of the busier clubs. I hit the bar, order a beer, and open the first set of (guys) to my left. Remember, my strategy here is to find dudes to occupy Josie. There are two guys, Bill and Jack, both graduate students. Perfect. Decent, interesting guys that are chodey enough not to be a threat. I chat them up for a bit, bounce around the bar (opening a few sets, nothing doing), and re-open Bill and Jack. They’re cool.
I open two other notable sets and get blown out. Here’s a summary.
2 set (1 hottie, 1 dude): The hottie is to my immediate right at the bar. She’s a 9.5, tall, blonde. She lightly brushes me and I open with, “Hey, you did that on purpose!” She looks at me funny and I know my opener was off. I plow. Almost immediately, she asks me what I do. “What do you do?” just like that. I hesitate, stammer. Then I say, “I’m a drug dealer.” (Credit Cajun.) She perks up and hits me with three shit tests in a row (all about selling drugs)…I pass the first one, fail the last two. The set goes cold. Eject.
10 set (mixed): I’m on the phone talking to Amber when a hottie from a large party opens me. Can’t remember what she said. We chat and it turns out one of her co-workers is having a birthday party. I instruct her to introduce me to the b-day girl. She does. The birthday girl is hot. We chat, but I have no good attraction material. Basically, I fall into Mr. Nice Guy mode and the attraction dies a quiet, meek death. Ugh. I need a tight routine stack, stat.
Sticking point: I lock up and lose my spontaneity when I talk to super hotties. Basic anxiety. Need to develop a routine stack to combat this.
Amber and Josie show up. I pull them to the bar, introduce them to Bill and Jack, and go about ordering drinks. Everything is going swimmingly. We hang for maybe an hour. Besides a bit of push-pull and basic kino, I run very little game on Amber. Basically, we’re at a point where we can just hang out, talk, and socialize. Whenever Josie goes to the bathroom, I makeout with Amber. She’s buying what I’m selling, for sure.
We bounce to three different bars and have a blast. We end up at a bar near my apartment (I did this on purpose), do last call, and end up hanging outside on the sidewalk. It’s just the three of us and I still have the same problem I started the night with. No wing, and no one to occupy Josie for when I escalate with Amber.
I have two options here. Pull both girls back to my place for an “after party” and just hope that Josie passes out, or let the girls cab it home and thus I go home and jerk it. I know I could always set up a “date” with Amber later on, but I’ve got massive buying temperature and I don’t want to waste it.
Enter Mike. At that very moment a douche strolls up to my set and opens us, looking for a smoke. Amber has a smoke, so she gives him the smoke. We all have a smoke. I game up Mike and apparently he’s been ditched by his friends. One of those crazy nights. I tell him we’re doing an after party at my house and I ask him if he wants to come hang for a bit. He agrees.
Let me tell you though, Mike is a complete douche. He’s sketchy, drunk, and not very attractive. I’m not certain at all that Josie will take to him, and I have deep deep reservations about bringing this fucker back to my place. But I want to get some ass, so I take the chance. I take us all back to my place.
We’re there. More drinks. Lots of bullshitting around. Mike yaks in my bathroom and passes out on the couch. I’m finally out of patience, so I direct Josie to go to bed in my roommate’s room (roomie is out of town), and I take Amber into mine. At this point I’m 100% certain that everything is going to work out.
F-close. Crazy monkey sex ensures.
In the morning I drive everyone home and there is exactly one cigarette left and it’s the proverbial cigarette of glory and after I drop everyone off, I smoke that cigarette down.
Part 3 this weekend with my concluding thoughts and relationship update…