I Just Did A Kegel (FB pt 2)

Okay, let’s recap. I have a fuck buddy and I picked her up at a bar. Her name is Amber. She’s totally cool. Few more details: age 23, recent grad of UCLA, art history major, likes to party, moving to Spain this summer to teach English. That last piece of info is critically important because it dictates my strategy for our relationship. This is part 2 of Lance’s FB thread. Part 1 is here, and part 3 is here.

Saturday afternoon. I spent most of the day recovering from the previous night (late night, tequila shots, etc). I already had a day 2 commitment from the girls so all I had to do was plan it out and execute. My new plan was to shoot for the f-close.

Mid-afternoon, I sent Amber a text message: “I just did a Kegel.” If you’ll recall, I mentioned we had a conversation about Kegels the previous night, so I thought this would be the perfect funny, semi-mysterious text to get her thinking about me. What I didn’t want to do was just call her up and talk logistics. I wanted to spark her imagination and get her thinking of me in that fun, sexy light we established from last night (credit Matador for this strategy). It worked. She texted back, “oh dear, I just blushed.”

We traded texts for a bit, and finally I set up the logistics. We were meeting downtown at 11:00 pm.

Evening rolls around. I call all of my wings and either I get vmails or people are staying in. Lame! I desperately need wingmen, any wingmen, because I don’t want to get stuck entertaining both girls all evening. Remember, bff Josie is in town from California, so we can’t exactly ditch her if things get nutty. So I need a wing to occupy her and take some of the pressure off of me.

10:30 pm. I still have no wing. I decide, fuck it, I’ll just go downtown by myself and make some insta-friends. I’ve done this before and it works okay, but it’s unpredictable. There’s always the chance that any guy(s) I introduce into my set could game up Amber and steal the girl. I have to take the risk.

I hit up Antigua, one of the busier clubs. I hit the bar, order a beer, and open the first set of (guys) to my left. Remember, my strategy here is to find dudes to occupy Josie. There are two guys, Bill and Jack, both graduate students. Perfect. Decent, interesting guys that are chodey enough not to be a threat. I chat them up for a bit, bounce around the bar (opening a few sets, nothing doing), and re-open Bill and Jack. They’re cool.

I open two other notable sets and get blown out. Here’s a summary.

2 set (1 hottie, 1 dude): The hottie is to my immediate right at the bar. She’s a 9.5, tall, blonde. She lightly brushes me and I open with, “Hey, you did that on purpose!” She looks at me funny and I know my opener was off. I plow. Almost immediately, she asks me what I do. “What do you do?” just like that. I hesitate, stammer. Then I say, “I’m a drug dealer.” (Credit Cajun.) She perks up and hits me with three shit tests in a row (all about selling drugs)…I pass the first one, fail the last two. The set goes cold. Eject.

10 set (mixed): I’m on the phone talking to Amber when a hottie from a large party opens me. Can’t remember what she said. We chat and it turns out one of her co-workers is having a birthday party. I instruct her to introduce me to the b-day girl. She does. The birthday girl is hot. We chat, but I have no good attraction material. Basically, I fall into Mr. Nice Guy mode and the attraction dies a quiet, meek death. Ugh. I need a tight routine stack, stat.

Sticking point: I lock up and lose my spontaneity when I talk to super hotties. Basic anxiety. Need to develop a routine stack to combat this.

Amber and Josie show up. I pull them to the bar, introduce them to Bill and Jack, and go about ordering drinks. Everything is going swimmingly. We hang for maybe an hour. Besides a bit of push-pull and basic kino, I run very little game on Amber. Basically, we’re at a point where we can just hang out, talk, and socialize. Whenever Josie goes to the bathroom, I makeout with Amber. She’s buying what I’m selling, for sure.

We bounce to three different bars and have a blast. We end up at a bar near my apartment (I did this on purpose), do last call, and end up hanging outside on the sidewalk. It’s just the three of us and I still have the same problem I started the night with. No wing, and no one to occupy Josie for when I escalate with Amber.

I have two options here. Pull both girls back to my place for an “after party” and just hope that Josie passes out, or let the girls cab it home and thus I go home and jerk it. I know I could always set up a “date” with Amber later on, but I’ve got massive buying temperature and I don’t want to waste it.

Enter Mike. At that very moment a douche strolls up to my set and opens us, looking for a smoke. Amber has a smoke, so she gives him the smoke. We all have a smoke. I game up Mike and apparently he’s been ditched by his friends. One of those crazy nights. I tell him we’re doing an after party at my house and I ask him if he wants to come hang for a bit. He agrees.

Let me tell you though, Mike is a complete douche. He’s sketchy, drunk, and not very attractive. I’m not certain at all that Josie will take to him, and I have deep deep reservations about bringing this fucker back to my place. But I want to get some ass, so I take the chance. I take us all back to my place.

We’re there. More drinks. Lots of bullshitting around. Mike yaks in my bathroom and passes out on the couch. I’m finally out of patience, so I direct Josie to go to bed in my roommate’s room (roomie is out of town), and I take Amber into mine. At this point I’m 100% certain that everything is going to work out.

F-close. Crazy monkey sex ensures.

In the morning I drive everyone home and there is exactly one cigarette left and it’s the proverbial cigarette of glory and after I drop everyone off, I smoke that cigarette down.

Part 3 this weekend with my concluding thoughts and relationship update…

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Oh, Lance, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Antigua. Though I am so sad that some lame-o yakked in your bathroom and then slept on your couch. Ew! How did you get him out the next day? Plus, how lame is he? Can you imagine, he’ll never be able to tell that story to ANYONE. “I ended up sleeping on the couch at some random guy’s apartment”???? Ah, well, sounds like he deserved it.

  • katie oniel

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  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Mike was a total townie douche, not cool at all. It was the best I could muster on short notice. He had to help a friend carpet his house on Sunday morning, so he woke us up to get a ride out of there. It worked out fine. I still had to clean my fucking bathroom and Lysol the crap out of the couch.

  • Me Thinks

    Wow. I read this and am totally fucking amazed at how hard men have to work at this! While I respect your open-ness, I can’t help but think its pretty sad that you have to put this much work into just getting laid. As an attractive woman, I do realize all I have to do is wear a low cut blouse and/or short skirt, add a smile and I’m all but fucked (quality not guaranteed). I commit all the dating “don’ts” and still have boyfriends or sex when I want it. Yes it just isn’t fair but still I cannot help but feel a little creeped out to think its about “game” with all the planning and playing when I just assumed we were two horny people hooking up and was perfectly happy with that.

    So my point is this – I seriously do not think you have to work this hard to get laid by a hot girl. If you are relatively attractive, fun, smart, have a sense of humor and social skills (I know you agres with that one) then there are girls like me that will happily fuck you and if you are lucky, just want a good FB without all the drama. I get it that you have to work at meeting up with people but – all this gaming… do you enjoy this beyond just conquering? I dunno, I like your site, I’m not hating on you at all but it seems you are more about proving your game than actually just enjoying yourself and having a fun time and getting your rocks off.

  • Lance

    Katie, thanks for reading and thanks for the tip on the website. I’ll definitely ‘check it out,’ hee hee.

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Thanks for the comment. I love answering these. Let me ask…how hard does a short guy have to work to get laid with a tall woman?
    How about an ugly dude with a hot chick? How about a fat guy with any chick? (Heaven help you if you’re all three).

    The answer is, if you ain’t got game, pretty damn hard. If you’re a normally disqualified male (short, fat, ugly, poor, whatever), you don’t just go out and get laid with the hotts. These guys are invisible to you. So my response is, you work as hard as you need to get what you want. Personally, I love having multiple options, so I work hard to generate those options. I also work hard to maintain healthy relationships.

    Probably the tone of my post wasn’t totally spot on, but gaming is actually a ton of fun. There’s nothing sad about it. I love to go out and socialize. I love to go to a bar, find a hot chick, and get to the point where I’m making out with her shortly after meeting her. It’s a fucking blast.

    At it’s core, gaming is just flirting and logistical handling. I never go out with the attitude that I want to conquer woman, because that’s the opposite of what it’s about. But I do have a plan.

    Again, thanks for reading. I hope you stick around and continue to offer your perspective.

  • http://www.theseductionbible.com Bobby Rio

    Cool FR Lance, its always rewarding when a night pans out just as you hoped when its all said and done.

    Me thinks…

    You’re right to a point.. but until a guy develops his game it isn’t quite that easy to pickup a hot attractive girl.

    Sure once you’ve done it a few times it gets easier.. but many guys have never done it.

    I think Lance went into detail for the sake of the story and to give some tips for guys reading.

    I also think its funny when a hot girls says “guys make it so much harder than it is” these same girls are picky little bitches that don’t give a guy chance unless he’s roided up, sells coke, and drives a BMW…hahaha

    Bobby Rio’s last blog post..George Clooney’s Girlfriend Sara Larson is Sorority Girl Goodness

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Bobby Rio, I agree that most girls who say “why do guys make it so hard?” are failing to take into account how easy it is for them.

    OTOH, if guys stopped trying so hard, it’d be harder for girls to meet quality guys–then they’d be glad enough for any nice guy that talked to them! Haha :-)

  • http://themodernsavage.com Matt Savage

    Me Thinks,

    You’re horny, I’m definitely horny, so lets hook up…right? Ahhh, if it were only that easy. I spent most of my post-pubescent life as a horny nice guy and nothing came easy or at all for that matter.

    I think Lance hit the nail on the head when he said

    Matt Savage’s last blog post..The Mr. Bubble Number Close

  • http://themodernsavage.com Matt Savage

    (accidentally hit the button – this is continued from above)

    I think Lance hit the nail on the head when he said, “these guys are invisible to you.”

    The problem is, attraction comes easily to most women of beauty, that’s simply the way the world works. While men are growing up playing guns and building forts, girls are talking about boys and reading Tiger Beat. There is simply a disadvantage for guys and if they don’t have natural game then what else are they going to do? Masturbate to porn until their late 40s while sporting a chester the molester mustache? That seems much more creepy to me than a guy that is trying to improve himself to become more attractive to women…don’t cha think…me thinks?

    Lance, great field report by the way and sorry for the double comment post, feel free to edit if you wish:)


    Matt Savage’s last blog post..The Mr. Bubble Number Close

  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    Well i think that there is a difference between trying hard and a try hard. lol

    I mean i think its great that guys actually take the time out to learn these skills.

    At the end of the day, building attraction and what not is a skill. Its a skill in being able to sell yourself. Its a people skill. Its a whole lot of different skills combined.

    A try hard on the other hand, is ummm basically a guy who has too much of an ego to really learn what really needs to be learnt. He is attempting to be something that he is not. he is trying to be cool .. when really ne is just a nerdy shy little boy.

    Its all about overall mindset and how you see yourself and who you think you are. That is what this whole “game” is about.


    Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Is There Anything Such As The Perfect Pick Up?

  • http://www.phantasmagoricdreams.com Becca aka Chaotic Kitten

    This reminds me of a time when I was hanging out with a friend of mine and her BF, and his friend who was totally macking on my friend in front of her BF, and she got totally wasted, I had to babysit her, everybody winds up back at her place, and next thing I know, the friend is hitting on me because my friend’s a sloppy drunk. It was a mess. And that’s putting it lightly.

    Sorry, back to the topic at hand, from what I can see, you’re taking to this game like a fish to water. I give you props, it’s not easy.

    Becca aka Chaotic Kitten’s last blog post..My Idea of a Successful Relationship

  • http://thedateabledork.typepad.com The Dateable Dork

    Hahahaha, I am getting such a kick out of this. The things men will do to fuck a 23-year-old. I’ve gotta hand it to you Lance, you really know what you’re doing, and congrats on the crazy monkey sex. But where are the details??? : )

    The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..With my feet back on the ground

  • Sandpiper

    Hi Lance,
    Great article!
    Sticking point: I lock up and lose my spontaneity when I talk to super hotties. Basic anxiety. Need to develop a routine stack to combat this.”

    Reminds me of myself! You get worse the more the girl’s hotness, intelligence, interest appeals. But I think combat will just lock you up.

    I’d like to offer you this:
    I was like that because I believed nobody decent would actually want me, that I was unworthy. Everything I did was a cover-up for my lack of self-belief. At the end of the day, I had to be dishonest about my opinion of myself.
    When you deal with the things that led you to believe something like that about yourself, you’ll be free to be spontaneous and have fun however amazing the girl is, because there’s no danger in her seeing your true self. I think that’s why Me Thinks wrote to you.
    You’ll also be able to find your true love. :-)

    This lady also has some good advice for FBs:


    In case the link doesn’t work, the title is”Drunken Fuck Buddy Rules”.