About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

My Boyfriend’s Mother

Since the BF grew up here in Phoenix, his immediate family (mom, dad, and brother) still live here.  While he has only had to go through the ordeal of flying to my hometown and meeting my dad once, I have had to hang out with his family on numerous occasions (both holiday and casual).  While I think that I have done a decent job of, well, being a decent human being that any family would be proud to have included in such occasions, this is not a “how to” post, but a far more interesting and gossipy one.


Everyone’s family is weird, for sure – someday I’ll tell you all about my crazy family.  The thing that is crazy about the BF’s family is that, except for him, they are all totally weird about money.  His dad took all the money that he was in charge of depositing into his mom’s IRA and deposited it in his.  His brother has “borrowed” (no intention of paying back) $60K from his parents, and stolen tens of thousands more.  The brother also “borrowed” multiple thousands of dollars from the BF and didn’t pay it back until the BF paid a lawyer to send a letter to the brother’s house.  The mom is completely non-confrontational and won’t do anything about anything.

About a year ago, the BF asked his mom for help.  He had accumulated some credit card debt in grad school and wanted to bounce some of it to one of her cards and back again so he could get a promotional APR.  She gave him a new, unused credit card and said have at it.  Then when he transferred some $13K to the card, the check bounced – the card was maxed.  Turns out his brother had stolen his mom’s mail, activated the account, maxed the card, re-sealed it, and put it back with her things.  When the BF confronted his mom about it, she essentially said “well, that’s your brother…”  His interest rate skyrocketed, and we haven’t spoken to any of them since.

Fast Forward to Now

This had the sad effect this holiday season of us not going to visit his grandparents in Indiana because his mom and brother would be there, and we thought it would be awkward and stressful for his 90-year-old grandparents to have to deal with that.  His grandmother called him several times and begged him to come, and sent us like 3 letters in the mail, but the BF held firm (NOTE: I go along with whatever the BF wants to do in this family feud.  If he says we’re not talking to them, I don’t talk to them.  If he changed his mind, I’d go along with it and be nice to them even though I think they’re poison.)

Well, his grandma sent our Christmas presents home with his mom (she’s been trying to get him to talk to her for months, so this wasn’t really a surprise).  She came by the house twice when we were away – once in Flagstaff snowboarding and once this weekend when we were out to dinner with friends.  The second time, she left the boxes on our doorstep and there they were when we got home.

Obviously we were going to open the presents from his grandparents, since we like them and had sent them presents (I got a toy stage with musical bears that plays Christmas songs – the thrill! – actually, it’s pretty cute).  The question was would we open the numerous presents that his mom had bought for both of us.  After some back and forth, he decided that 1) returning them to her would be too much contact, and 2) the reason we’re not talking to them is because they screwed him out of a bunch of money so we’re taking what we can get.

We got some pretty normal stuff – a dress shirt for him, my favorite bath soap.  But then I got this.  Brace yourselves, serioiusly:


Dudes, this Dooney and Burke wallet retails at $175.  Now, I don’t believe that she actually paid that much for it, for three reasons:

  1. I can’t think of a single reason why she would spend that much money on me,
  2. No one paid full price for anything this holiday season, and
  3. It came from Dillard’s, and she’s worked there on and off for years – probably for the employee discount this holiday season.

Nonetheless, I was completely floored by this gift.  The BF, being a boy, 1) asked me if I liked it when I opened it, mistaking my “totally shocked” face for my “offended” face, 2) didn’t believe me when I told him how much it cost retail, and 3) didn’t see the big deal when I proved it to him by pulling up the Dillard’s website.  He told me to keep the wallet which I am, despite liking it so much that I feel kind of weird about the whole thing.  Not only that, but it is FAR nicer than anything she got for him.  Is this some sort of bribe to get me to get him to start talking to her?  What do you all think?

Unrelated Updates

I went in to a lab on Friday to donate more urine and blood, since the results from last Tuesday were inconclusive.  My doctor called today to say that the infection hasn’t cleared up and I am now on 10 MORE days of Cipro. I did some more research this time around and there’s no mention of any adverse affect with birth control or alcohol (provided I don’t get hammered) so we don’t have to stop having sex.  But I’m annoyed and nervous.  When will this clear up already?

If this post made you wish that you had used your new wallet to buy something more glamorous than antibiotics, you might also enjoy:

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    You are so right. Everyone’s family is nuts. Lord knows mine is ridiculously nuts. Who knows what the heck her motives were. It’s hard to say. Enjoy the D&B. 😀

    Hope you finally get some resolution with your health situation. It’s crazy that it’s gone on this long!

  • http://www.runningleap.worpress.co, c

    Maybe she regifted it to you and so she fells like you should be grateful, but she can privately laugh that you got her throw away gift? (But who regifts a D&B wallet?)
    I dunno.
    I’d send a thank you card in any case.

  • http://ptlawmom.com PT-LawMom

    Have you considered seeing a urologist if you aren’t already? I did when I had the same problem you are having and he put me on prophylactic Macrobid (antibiotic targeted at UTIs) once a week. It really helped.

    As for the purse, what if someone gave it to her and she was just regifting? I think maybe you are reading into it. And it’s gorgeous. Take it and move on. :)

  • http://www.thedateabledork.com The Dateable Dork

    Umm, wow. That is one hell of a crazy story. Not sure what I can say except… good luck with that!

    If it were me, I would keep the gift and enjoy it – how often do you get a gorgeous D&B wallet??? Just take it and run!

    As for your health situation, ugh. I’m sending you good vibes and hoping for the best. Hang in there.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    That is weird, but I keep the wallet. BTW, what’s the BF’s name? Ralph?

  • Me Thinks

    Bizarre! and I thought my family was weird…

    Keep the wallet, send a generic thank you card. I would be 100% sure she paid nowhere near full cost. My ex-MIL used to buy me a Coach purse every year, she was insane, it never made sense to me either but that woman is also nuts.

    I have to disagree with you about the BF not being weird about money – this is probably why he is not so responsible with cash (ie, the grocery store post). If you grow up in a family where its out of whack, that can happen. I cannot imagine the parents never doing anything about it, that is insanity.

    Agree with the other poster, maybe you need a 2nd opinion with this ongoing UTI thing.

  • Chris

    I say keep it and don’t feel bad. In one sense, your BF paid for it since he didn’t get his money back.