I found Juliet Jeske’s post, Dating After Divorce In a City of Sluts, via the Evan Marc Katz blog. Jeske is a divorced comedian and artist in New York City. She’s starting over in the NYC dating scene and frustrated with how fast things move in the dating world. Her complaint is a common one, that sex happens too fast and guys want to get laid on the first date.
I’m a big believer in fast sex, before any kind of gf-bf relationshop has been established. There are good reasons for this, which I will address in a followup post. For now, let’s go with the assumption that guys want to have sex early and women get pissed when we do. What should Jeske do?
Guys are usually in one of three modes: fast sex mode, long term relationship mode, and a hybrid state where we’re open to either. The hybrid state translates to we’re single and open to an LTR, but we’re perfectly happy being single and playing the field. We’ll wait for the best thing to come along. This is a common state for many dudes…I probably spent half of my dating life in the hybrid state.
If you’re like Jeske and want an LTR and don’t want fast sex, I have some easy to implement advice.
- Avoid the places where the guys are in fast sex mode. Wall Street Cantina at midnight on a Saturday? She shouldn’t go there. Young people go to bars and clubs because they want to party and they want to get laid. If that’s her stomping groups, she’s always going to be frustrated.
- Avoid guys in their 20s. Most of these dudes are either entirely fast sex or hybrid mode.
- A lot of the chicks in the bars and clubs will be in fast sex mode also, thus all the sluttiness and “whoring up” that she’s referring to. Again, avoid the nightclub scene if she’s anti-slut.
- To find an LTR, she needs to leverage her social circles and use tools like match.com.
- If she doesn’t have social circles filled with LTR-minded singles, then she needs to develop them.
- Use a technique like the one I blogged about here to determine if the guy she’s on a date with is interested in fast sex or an LTR.
I’ve had terrific success finding LTR’s on Match and it’s even easier for women because there are several times more guys than girls on these sites. If she engineers her profile correctly and does smart power searches, it shouldn’t be a problem to find a guy that doesn’t care about fast sex.
Personally, I love slutty women and I like fast sex and I’m glad there are places (bars and clubs) where I can go to find like minded people. But that’s me.