My Advice For a Chick Frustrated With Fast Sex

I found Juliet Jeske’s post, Dating After Divorce In a City of Sluts, via the Evan Marc Katz blog. Jeske is a divorced comedian and artist in New York City. She’s starting over in the NYC dating scene and frustrated with how fast things move in the dating world. Her complaint is a common one, that sex happens too fast and guys want to get laid on the first date.

I’m a big believer in fast sex, before any kind of gf-bf relationshop has been established. There are good reasons for this, which I will address in a followup post. For now, let’s go with the assumption that guys want to have sex early and women get pissed when we do. What should Jeske do?

Guys are usually in one of three modes: fast sex mode, long term relationship mode, and a hybrid state where we’re open to either. The hybrid state translates to we’re single and open to an LTR, but we’re perfectly happy being single and playing the field. We’ll wait for the best thing to come along. This is a common state for many dudes…I probably spent half of my dating life in the hybrid state.

If you’re like Jeske and want an LTR and don’t want fast sex, I have some easy to implement advice.

  1. Avoid the places where the guys are in fast sex mode. Wall Street Cantina at midnight on a Saturday? She shouldn’t go there. Young people go to bars and clubs because they want to party and they want to get laid. If that’s her stomping groups, she’s always going to be frustrated.
  2. Avoid guys in their 20s. Most of these dudes are either entirely fast sex or hybrid mode.
  3. A lot of the chicks in the bars and clubs will be in fast sex mode also, thus all the sluttiness and “whoring up” that she’s referring to. Again, avoid the nightclub scene if she’s anti-slut.
  4. To find an LTR, she needs to leverage her social circles and use tools like
  5. If she doesn’t have social circles filled with LTR-minded singles, then she needs to develop them.
  6. Use a technique like the one I blogged about here to determine if the guy she’s on a date with is interested in fast sex or an LTR.

I’ve had terrific success finding LTR’s on Match and it’s even easier for women because there are several times more guys than girls on these sites. If she engineers her profile correctly and does smart power searches, it shouldn’t be a problem to find a guy that doesn’t care about fast sex.

Personally, I love slutty women and I like fast sex and I’m glad there are places (bars and clubs) where I can go to find like minded people. But that’s me.

  • TheChief

    I love your posts Lance, you are right on the money here. Although I’m surprised you’d tout as highly as you do. I personally think online dating, just like in the real world, it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. It’s possible to find someone decent but very hard.

    I wish you posted more often! It’s few and far between that I seen a Honey and Lance update in my RSS Reader! Step it up!!! lol. Check out my site sometime when you get a chance. I’ve been a long time reader of yours and would be interested in feedback…

  • Lance

    Chief, thanks for reading and commenting. re: online dating…it’s easier for gals then guys because there are more dudes. I’ve had trouble finding gals that are 7+ in both companionship and sex, but it’s not impossible. Regardless, it’s just another tool in the toolbox.

  • Lance

    Also, I’ll def check out your site. Already read the Scarlet Johanssen nudie pics post 😉

  • TheChief

    Yeah I hear you there on the more guys than girls thing. Based on some of my research for my site, I noticed that there seemed to be more quality (in terms of looks) on OkCupid than on Plenty Of Fish.

  • John

    Amen to that. Good thing there are such places. I agree that she is searching on the wrong places. There are a lot of conservative men out there. But I tell you, they are not that much fun.

  • Private Girl Australia

    Interesting. I too have an experience about fast sex. when I’m drunk. :)

  • Michael

    Well articulated post.

    Personally speaking, women comedians are the most desperate types because they’re usually physcially unattractive. So they use comedy to lambast men and compensate for their lack of beauty. (Juliet’s not bad, by the way; not hot, either, though…I’d give her a “6.5”).

    But yeah she needs to stop complaining and take what she can get. Usually women of inferior beauty have visions of grandeur when it comes to landing a super-hot-rich dude.

  • Adventurous Adult

    I believe that fast sex is only good sometimes (a quicky), but should not be the rule. Gabrielle Moore has a great comment at

  • SpicyAndJuicy

    Yeah… the 20 something guys only think about sex.. that’s why girls with more in mind shouldn’t
    let themselves fooled by these young predators.

    PS. I am one of those guys :)

  • Expert

    You are so full of bs that I could be forgiven thinking your face is a bull rear end!


    A girl that wants a LTR is not going to fail just because she hangs out in a bar, I give a crap where it is.

    Second if she is serious about it, posting an ad on Match dot come is STUPID!

    Because most guys on that site and most others like it are MARRIED, or looking for a cheap shag!

    Get real dude!

    The way for a lady to find a nice man is look in the store where she is shopping, or in the library, or in the restaurant, better still go to an old fashioned dance and let them come up asking for her company!

    In person she can smell em! See em and if she dances with one she can feel as well.

    Yes she can get conned by a married liar, but and here is the rub, she will NEVER end up being scammed by some nigger in Ghana!

    Have a nice day and WAKEN THE FUCK UP

  • martha

    I’m sure you dig the slutty types, especially since you don’t need to bother introducing them to your friends or parents !
    You probably wouldn’t marry that type either

  • Tam

    I call bullshit to Michael’s post saying she’s only okay-looking and should take whatever she should get. Guys in the PUA community always reach for the best, whatever they look like. And JJ is cute, so why shouldn’t she?