Men Faking Orgasms, Why Porn Is A Good Thing, Pornstar Sex (NSFW)
By Lance on Feb 9, 2011 in Sex
My good pal and uber-dating coach Evan Marc Katz posted a link to this article in New York Magazine. The article, by Davy Rothbart, is called How Porn Is Affecting the Libido of the American Male. It’s a solid article and provokes thought. I encourage you to open another tab on your browser, read it, and then come back to this post for some Lance goodness. After you’re done, leave me some comment love. BTW, this post is NSFW, so don’t go past the jump if you’re squeamish when you see words like cumshot, masturbation, or pornstar sex.
A personal anecdote: Yesterday, I went through a flurry of porn watching on a couple of free sites and found the time to flog the dolphin three times. I also rogered my girlfriend that night. What’s ironic is that watching multiple hours of porn is an unusual activity for me (don’t laugh I’m serious) because my sex life is usually pretty good. But, I had some weird stuff going on with a new supplement I’ve been taking for working out and it’s been fucking with my sleep patterns and libido. To make a long story short, I was insanely horny yesterday and all the porn watching raised a red flag about my physical state. Then I read the article I thought maybe it was written for me! Weird!
Anyway, there’s a shitload of cool stuff to respond to in his article. Here are salient points:
1. In his first paragraph, Rothbart describes how he picked up a chick at a Broadway show (great idea!), took her home and banged her. He said he faked an orgasm. The whole rest of the article is basically him arguing that his porn habit caused him to fake an orgasm because he’s disconnected from his partners and reality blah blah blah.
Here’s what I want to say about that. I have faked many an orgasm with many partners, probably all of them now that I think about it. It was never because I watched too much porn or prefer Internet girls to real girls. For me, the reason is usually chemical: I’m really drunk on vodka-redbulls, which has the amazing effect of turning me into Thor the Norse God of Thunder. If I drink more than 5 of them, I simply cannot have an orgasm and I’ll fake it to bring a more natural conclusion to a marathon bang session. Recently, I’ve found certain supplements have the affect of doing a 4x modifier on my libido also.
Besides chemicals, sometimes I can get into a mental state where I have 100% control of my gonads and I can pick when I blow my wad. I call this the Lance Fuck Zone. It happens rarely, but it’s pretty cool when I get there. Basically, I turn into a grade A pornstar badass and I go marathon lengths without shooting off. I imagine it’s similar to the zone Kobe gets into when he drops 50 on an opponent, it’s just straight nasty. I’ve also noted a correlation between my aggressiveness in the sack and my control, basically the more animalistic and aggressive I get the more control I have. So, I know mental state has a big effect on control.
This bullet point is probably worthy of a whole post.
2. Most of the time when I fake an orgasm, I don’t consider it faking, really. I’ll say I “shot a blank” or I’ll describe what is essentially a spiritual/emo orgasm without the ejaculation part. And you know what? I’m being 100% honest. Sometimes I’ll bang with such intensity and it will reach such a ridiculous crescendo, the only thing I can do is scream like an animal and wiggle like a shake weight. Sounds and looks like an orgasm to me. The chick is always fine with it.
3. When I have sex, the process of it is NEVER about me having an orgasm and ejaculating. I always focus on creating orgasms for her and weaving fantasies and mental states for my partner. I think men having sex so that they can create their own ejaculation is such a low, unsatisfying form of sex that it’s not even worth having. To put it bluntly, I’m about arousing my partner and could care less about my own orgasm.
4. When I do orgasm, it’s usually to create closure to the encounter and also because she gets really turned on by it. I think this is a really big misconception about men, that most women think dudes want to bang because they need to bust a nut. Not true. True sexual artists do the deed because they want to create a deep, intense, and satisfying sexual state for both partners.
5. If I’m getting laid regularly and having intense, pornstar sex, I never watch porn.
6. I’m more concerned about chicks getting addicted to their sex toys and replacing real sex with sex-toy sex. I am also concerned about chicks becoming de-sensitized to a real cocks and only being able to orgasm with their toys. I’ve read blog posts from chicks who masturbate with butt plugs, glass dildos, and clitoral stimulaters, and sometimes all three at the same time. (Interestingly, women diddling themselves with multiple toys is a significant slice of net porn). I know far more women that own sex toys than I know men that watch porn regularly. How does a dude compete with something that looks like this?
How to Use Porn to Enrich Your Life
I’ve blogged about this before. Porn has enriched my sex life in a huge way. I’ve learned a good deal about dirty talk, about what turns me on, about creating fantasies, great moves, and overall how to manage a rockin’ sexual encounter. I think sex is like dancing. If you don’t study it, you won’t learn how to do it well. How do we learn? Reading. Watching video. Good partners. Practice. There are mega-tons of video of every imaginable shade of kinky sex on the internet these days and most of it is FREE. Use it as a resource.
It’s possible to become oversaturated with porn, but like all things, use it in moderation. Rothbart mentions a John Mayer interview where Mayer admitted to looking at 300 vaginas before he got out of bed. That’s too much porn. Try just a couple of videos per week.
My Take on Pornstar Sex
Rothbart also bags on Pornstar sex, or what he calls the Porn Star Experience. Here’s a big ass quote:
As a result of the blending of reality and fantasy, some women have chosen to willingly play along by a new set of rules in order to keep their men interested: They’re intentionally impersonating porn stars. Sadie, the real-estate agent, says, “A lot of guys have come to expect P.S.E. [the “Porn-Star Experience”] as a common thing—snatches waxed bald, access to every hole—and plenty of women are more than happy to provide. A few might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing. I think there’s a fear that if they can’t make it happen, their boyfriend will retreat online.”
Personally, I love pornstar sex and I think it’s one mode of sex that’s satisfies a deep, primal need for guys and gals. Do I have it all the time? Absolutely not…but often enough. Crazy animalistic sex is better than any drug out there. If you’re not having it, you don’t know what you’re missing.
I don’t think boyfriends retreat online, or at least that should be a minor concern…what they retreat to is another chick who’s into pornstar sex! If the sex is bad, partners will look elsewhere. A better question, regarding pornstar sex, is are the two partners compatible. If his style is Ron Jeremy and her style is buttoned up school marm, they probably aren’t going to get along in the sack and it’s best if they went in separate directions. Unless she’s secretly a dirty school marm.
