I got into a discussion about game recently with Holly Hoffman (cough cough *hottie*), author of Worklovelife.com, and it got me to thinking about getting numbers and converting them to dates. I consider myself an intermediate social artist, but what I am good at is getting phone numbers. I can talk to virtually any girl I meet, make a connection, and within 5-10′ I can number or email close. That doesn’t make me a badass pickup artist or anything…getting numbers is an step towards advanced game, but it’s one area that I’m adept at. So what I’d like to do is offer my perspective on getting numbers and setting up dates, and Honey is going to offer her version. For purposes of this post, when I say number close, I also mean email, Myspace, Facebook, or any other type of contact info.
Number closing is actually quite easy. After approaching and opening a stranger, you can get a number with only a minimal amount of attraction. What’s hard is turning that number into an actual date or future meetup. When you get a number from a chick, call, and she never responds or answers, that’s a flake. Flakes happen to everyone and I went through a run of almost six months where every connection I made flaked. I couldn’t figure out what was going on because I was opening like a champion and generating attraction, but when it came time for the actual date, she just disappeared. It was mega frustrating and I really beat myself up over it. I started reading up on preventing flakes and running solid game in general until I finally figured it out.
Okay, when doing a cold approach for the purpose of trying to obtain a number, I see two different methods.
Investing Time And Making A Solid Connection
1. The first method is the long way. You meet a woman out in the field, you game her up for multiple minutes, build a solid connection, and at the end ask for her number. This may or may not result in a future meetup, but if you’ve wowed her with your glowing personality, then you’ve got a great shot. BTW, the process of online dating is similar, where you exchange several emails, then chat online, then talk on the phone, and then finally settle on a face-to-face date. Basically, you’re investing a bunch of time into the interaction until she gets comfortable and trusts that you’re not a psycho, while at the same time attracting her and getting her interested in your life. There are plenty of pickup products out there that break down this process and give far better advice than I can give, but I can recommend products by Love Systems. Also, I love the advice that David Wygant gives out and you can see his stuff here, for both men and women.
During any conversation with a stranger, there’s a hook point where I know if I ask for the number, I’ll get it. This hook point is basically the ah-ha moment where she thinks, “wow, this guy is pretty cool,” and I can sense it and see it in her body language. Usually it only takes me a few minutes to get to the hook point, and I can do it with only one connection. What do I mean by connection? Basically, any piece of value that you give her, such as making her laugh, a great story, a cool compliment, or some commonality that we’ve shared. As an example, I like talking about relationships and telling stories about my online dating exploits. If I can lead the conversation to this subject, I’ll share one of my tried and true funny stories, at which point, if I’ve read the situation correctly, she will share one back. Now we’ve established a connection. She thinks I’m cool, and I’m fairly certain that at the end of the interaction I can get the digits.
The thing is, the more connections you make, the greater the chance that you’ll get the digits, and more importantly, the greater the chance that you’ll get a date! I would say try to establish five or more connections to cement a future meetup. The more the better. Sometimes when I meet a new girl and we spend an hour or more together, I’ll establish 30 or more connections.
If you can combine this with flirting, displays of high value, kino (light touches), good body language, and a sexual frame, you’re gold. Obviously, that’s a lot of stuff, but that’s why I’m saying you have to wow her with your personality.
A couple of things to keep in mind about why someone would flake on you:
- Girls are getting hit on constantly in bars and clubs. She might give her number out several times over the course of a night…how is she going to remember you? The answer is you have to wow her and eclipse the other guys with your awesome game.
- Most hot women have boyfriends or fuck buddies, so they don’t NEED to date for the purposes of getting sex. Imagine the perfect 10 model hottie at the busiest club in the city. Does she need sex? Is she desperate? Fuck no. She’s getting nailed by a co-worker, a FB, and another player on the side. She doesn’t need a date with you. So even if you manage to score a phone number, what’s going to compel her to go on a date with a random guy? Nothing, unless you’ve truly blown her away with your game.
So what I’m saying here is invest your time and energy into CONNECTING with a person and wowing them with your personality and not so much on getting the number. If you’re trying to pick up a chick and you really blow her away, she’ll actually close herself, that is she’ll ask you to take her number. That’s the point I try to get to these days.
The Five Minute Pickup
1. Instead of spending hours connecting with someone, it’s totally viable to number close off an airtight five minute interaction. This converts reasonablly well during the day, for example at the mall, or if you live in a big city by simply walking down the street. The key is to make a stunner first impression and light her up…and then leave quickly! I recommend dressing well (although appropriate for the locale) and being in the right mental state. If you dress down and hate life, forget about it. You’ll come across as creepy and the number will be worthless.
When using this method, try for 2-3 quick connections, such as a unique compliment and a quick story that contains a display of high value.
Why does the five minute pickup work? Because you’re coming across as mysterious and fantastical. Every woman has the fantasy of a destined meeting with Mr. Right outside the bar. They want Mr. Right to fall out of the sky. Give her that fantasy. Walk up to a woman in the middle of day and tell her how cute she looks and that you just had to meet her (ie the direct approach). If you make the right first impression, get the number, and leave after 5′, she’ll be lit up and fill in the blanks about who you are. You are now Mr. Handsome & Mysterious, and the date will be on. After you close, run some text game and then call later to set it up.
This doesn’t always convert, but the cool thing is you’re only investing 5′. Run five of these per day for an entire week and all of sudden you’ve got yourself more dates than you can handle. Getting tons of dates is something I first learned about from reading Double Your Dating, and I highly recommend his ebook for anyone who has trouble getting dates. By the way, I’m not an affiliate of any of these companies, so I’m not making any money by recommending them.
Did you see the recent Dr. Phil episode with Paul Janka on it? He’s a master of the quick street pickup. Check out this video.
What Were the Keys For Me?
The first key was that I attempted to put myself in her shoes and guess at how she viewed me. Was I coming across sexy enough? Was I interesting enough? Did I come across nervous? This totally screwed up my results at first because I wasn’t enjoying the moment and “being myself.” The girls would sense this and I would get a ton of flakes. It did give me valuable perspective, because I realized the impression I was making and what women saw themselves doing with me. Once I internalized what was working (and not working), I dropped the real time analysis and just flowed with the interaction, and my results got a lot better. I still sometimes analyze too much during an interaction, which I think is a bit of a Gemini trait.
After every attempted pickup or social interaction, I recommend analyzing and keeping a journal. That’s right, if you’re serious about getting better with the opposite sex, open up a Word doc and break down every social interaction you have henceforth. These are called field reports in PU parlance. Journaling will go a long ways towards improving your skills and every serious social artist does this.
The second key, and this was the most important for me, was I realized that not every available woman wants a date. Some just want to screw. Let me say that again, but in bold. Some woman just want to screw and skip the dating. Some just want to makeout. Some want boyfriends. Some just want to talk. Some just want to be validated. Some want to party first and screw later. Some want to screw first and date later. Some want a combination of these things. You can influence her with your game and change what she initially wants, but it’s a lot harder. What I started doing is reading her and figuring out what she’s amenable to. Then it was simply a matter of having the right moves and executing.
What’s ironic here is I realized that way more women want to hook up now and not date than I thought possible. Crazy, huh? Well guess what…woman are just like men when it comes to sex. They like it and they want it. Some women are busy professionals and don’t have the time for an LTR. Some are single mothers and don’t want boyfriends. But they do want sex. As a guy, you’ve got to embrace this, relish it, and give it to her. It’s your job as a masculine creature.
In this situation, number closing is useless if your intentions are to wine and dine. I made that mistake plenty of times and now I chuckle about it. If I had just been bolder, I could have gotten laid more.
Here are a couple of good resources on getting numbers and flake prevention:
- Try this article at the Seduction Chronicles, entitled If A Girl Tries To Flake Out On The First Date.
- Vin Di Carlo has a short ebook about flaking called No Flakes, which is like the final word on the subject. You can download it for free, but you’ll have to punch in three emails.
This is part 1 in a two part series. In part 2, I’ll present some of my own interactions, break them down, and tell why they worked or flaked. Honey is going to blog on the woman’s perspective on giving out numbers and flaking.