Lance’s Marriage Makers

Peeps, this is an old post I’ve been saving for a rainy day. Since it’s fourth of July weekend and I’ve got a million things going on, I’m gonna run it now. I hope everyone is having some good Holiday Sex. What better way to celebrate our nation’s independence, eh?

I recently read this article, What Makes A Man Marry, by David Zinczenko, the editor-in-chief of Men’s Health magazine. Zinczenko lists four marriage makers that a woman has to have for a man to marry her: 1) Independence, 2) adoring, yet non-needy, 3) goals and imagination, and 4) ability to pull off the roles of wife, mother, boss, friend, neighbor, and vixen.

The article is short and you should read it for yourself to see if it gives you any insight. I pretty much hated it. I didn’t think it added much to an ancient conversation, and to be quite honest, I don’t care for Zinczenko’s other posts either. This one reads like he picked out four common sense qualities from a hat. (Full disclosure, I occasionally buy Men’s Health. I occasionally eat Twinkies also.) There are a ridiculous 2000+ comments on this article, so he’s getting a ton of readers.

I’ve never been married (or even engaged), but I do have a pretty strong idea what my marriage makers are. Here there are:

1. Great Sex. Duh. I need to be bestially attracted to a woman, like to the CORE, to consider giving up my lifestyle of selfish hedonism and generally irresponsible bachelorhood. Open mindedness towards trying new stuff is required. No compromises. Pooper sex, ball gags, and facials are a must. Also, willingness to have the occasional threesome is a major plus. How does the editor-in-chief of Men’s Health miss out on S-E-X when talking about marriage makers?

2. Companionship. Since we’re going to be spending a bit of time together, I’ll need to be highly compatible with her on a day-to-day (minute by minute?) level. Not perfectly compatible–I don’t think there is such a thing–but certainly complementary living styles. This one can be worked on, like I’m pretty sure we can make adjustments and compromises to get there. This has got to  be nearly as important as important as #1 above.

One thing I’ve noticed is that having complementary conversational and life rhythms are very helpful. What do I mean by that? Well, I’ve noticed that there’s a huge range in the natural give-and-take of conversation amongst my various partners. Sometimes she talks too much. Sometimes I talk too much. With certain partners there is a perfect balance. Probably worth it’s own blog post, but let’s say finding a chick with the right rhythm is helpful. The same goes for your daily life rhythm, that is how you move, rest, work and do your other daily things.

3. Potential for Growth. There are levels of relationship past marriage, and marriage shouldn’t be the end of your personal growth. In fact, it should be the beginning of a whole ‘nother journey. We’ll both have to be able and willing to grow as a partnership and individually. For me, marriage is an opportunity for emotional and spiritual growth.

I guess that’s it. I can think of a lot of other stuff that would be cool, but probably not dealbreakers (or marriage makers). Okay, she can’t be addicted to smack. College educated would be good. Can’t be a Florida State fan. Just kidding, sure I’d marry a Seminole if she had big boobs and was great in the sack. In fact, I think there’s a fantasy in there somewhere.

  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    Lance these are great points. N the ironic thing is that there are probably a lot of people in a relaitonship who are getting NONE of these things.

    lol

    Hot Alpha Female

    Hot Alpha Females last blog post..Dont Hate Me Coz Im Beautiful – Hate Me Coz Im Fake

  • http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/ lisaq

    As someone who’s been down the marriage road more times than I sometimes like to admit, I completely agree. I can think of about a million other things, but I think they really could probably fit into your categories.

    From the standpoint of what was missing in my marriages, I’d have to say that mutual respect and valuing each other as individuals who have a life outside of the relationship as well is a must have for me.

    Nicely done!

    lisaqs last blog post..Lisaq Does Dallas-The Afterward…

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Lisaq – were we married? lol

    I agree, having been married and divorced, the things Lance says are all true – you need great sex, companionship, and potential to grow both as a couple and as individuals. I think sometimes partners stifle the individual growth in the other. And when that happens, the marriage goes sour fast.

    dadshouses last blog post..Flirty Text Messages on Craigslist

  • http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog Scot McKay

    Ironically, I have an article on Seduction-Chronicles today that touches on this very subject.

    I think you pretty much nailed it. I’d add that she has to be emotionally stable and healthy enough to be one half of a great relationship in general…as we as guys must be also.

    If she hates men, runs a vicious double-standard, is insanely jealous or otherwise popping “Vitamin P” then there’s no foundation to build a healthy relationship on.

    I read through the Zinczenko piece and have to agree with you there, Lance. His juxtaposition of “Jekyll and Hyde” with “Marriage Maker” made me literally shudder. It’s a long story as to why, but I’m still slackjawed by that analogy. LOL

  • Danimal’s Wife

    Interesting that great sex is first. Great sex only comes when you have 2 and 3. I know things.

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Hah! I bet you know things. I think they’re intertwined and my list wasn’t necessarily in order of priority.

  • http://www.homesecuritygadget.com Kimberly Bell

    Marriage is one of the most sacred ceremonies that we humans experience. Being married also gives us happines.’.-