Lance’s Marriage Makers

Peeps, this is an old post I’ve been saving for a rainy day. Since it’s fourth of July weekend and I’ve got a million things going on, I’m gonna run it now. I hope everyone is having some good Holiday Sex. What better way to celebrate our nation’s independence, eh?

I recently read this article, What Makes A Man Marry, by David Zinczenko, the editor-in-chief of Men’s Health magazine. Zinczenko lists four marriage makers that a woman has to have for a man to marry her: 1) Independence, 2) adoring, yet non-needy, 3) goals and imagination, and 4) ability to pull off the roles of wife, mother, boss, friend, neighbor, and vixen.

The article is short and you should read it for yourself to see if it gives you any insight. I pretty much hated it. I didn’t think it added much to an ancient conversation, and to be quite honest, I don’t care for Zinczenko’s other posts either. This one reads like he picked out four common sense qualities from a hat. (Full disclosure, I occasionally buy Men’s Health. I occasionally eat Twinkies also.) There are a ridiculous 2000+ comments on this article, so he’s getting a ton of readers.

I’ve never been married (or even engaged), but I do have a pretty strong idea what my marriage makers are. Here there are:

1. Great Sex. Duh. I need to be bestially attracted to a woman, like to the CORE, to consider giving up my lifestyle of selfish hedonism and generally irresponsible bachelorhood. Open mindedness towards trying new stuff is required. No compromises. Pooper sex, ball gags, and facials are a must. Also, willingness to have the occasional threesome is a major plus. How does the editor-in-chief of Men’s Health miss out on S-E-X when talking about marriage makers?

2. Companionship. Since we’re going to be spending a bit of time together, I’ll need to be highly compatible with her on a day-to-day (minute by minute?) level. Not perfectly compatible–I don’t think there is such a thing–but certainly complementary living styles. This one can be worked on, like I’m pretty sure we can make adjustments and compromises to get there. This has got to  be nearly as important as important as #1 above.

One thing I’ve noticed is that having complementary conversational and life rhythms are very helpful. What do I mean by that? Well, I’ve noticed that there’s a huge range in the natural give-and-take of conversation amongst my various partners. Sometimes she talks too much. Sometimes I talk too much. With certain partners there is a perfect balance. Probably worth it’s own blog post, but let’s say finding a chick with the right rhythm is helpful. The same goes for your daily life rhythm, that is how you move, rest, work and do your other daily things.

3. Potential for Growth. There are levels of relationship past marriage, and marriage shouldn’t be the end of your personal growth. In fact, it should be the beginning of a whole ‘nother journey. We’ll both have to be able and willing to grow as a partnership and individually. For me, marriage is an opportunity for emotional and spiritual growth.

I guess that’s it. I can think of a lot of other stuff that would be cool, but probably not dealbreakers (or marriage makers). Okay, she can’t be addicted to smack. College educated would be good. Can’t be a Florida State fan. Just kidding, sure I’d marry a Seminole if she had big boobs and was great in the sack. In fact, I think there’s a fantasy in there somewhere.