Firstly, my simple model of evaluating a relationship is spot on. There are two components, Companionship and Sex, and I rate them on a scale of 1-10. For me, the sex has to be at least a 9 and the companionship a 6. If I have those two things at those levels I’m pretty much set. I don’t bother overthinking all the stuff that goes into a relationship (communication, commonalities, pets, religion, etc) because those are details and the details are malleable.
If the companionship is great but the sex is mediocre, we’re pretty much friends and I can make the appropriate moves to get us into a friend zone. If the sex is great but the companionship sucks, we’re fuck buddies and that’s it.
Once I’m in a relationship, I’ve found it fruitful to act a little dumb and let her perceive that she’s slightly smarter than me. To be honest, I don’t usually have to act dumb, because I’ve found that women in general are so much more socially and emotionally intelligent then men that she just is smarter. I place a high value on social intelligence…this gets you farther in life than book smarts because social intelligence is the workhorse behind generating opportunities and networking. I always look for highly socially intelligent women when I’m dating.
I act cocky and socially intelligent myself, enough that she’s aware that I’m an above average male where it counts. This is important because socially retarded men are not attractive and create all sorts of problems later in the relationship. Can you be socially retarded and attractive? Yes, but it’s a pain in the ass to deal with when you get deep into an LTR. Don’t even think about being socially retarded if you’re in a relationship.
The way that I act dumb is not by being clueless or naive, but by fucking up occasionally. I act like a jackass and get into trouble, usually in a masculine way. For example, getting too drunk with my guy friends while watching football, getting kicked out of a bar, something like that. If you throw jackass episodes in every once in awhile during the course of your LTR, it’s healthy and actually creates attraction.
If you NEVER get into trouble, you’re boring and can’t be trusted. I also make lots of dumb but masculine comments that feeds into this persona. Example: “Wow, that chick has an amazing rack!” Say it in a boys-will-be-boys kind of way and you’re all set.
When girls describe me, they sometimes say I’m kind of an asshole but also a really good dude. I consider that a high compliment. You want: Kind of an Asshole + Really Good Dude = Alpha Male.
This works because the girl I’m in a relationship with wants to maintain the fantasy that she’s with a bad boy. Bad boys mess up occasionally. This is a major component of maintaining a healthy sex life and keeping sexual fantasies alive and kicking. More on the sex stuff below…
The other ingredient here is it’s important to be a badass at a couple of things and have professional success. If you don’t have success and you’re not a badass, then when you act like a jackass you actually are just a jackass! See my previous post about the Blueprint For Being a Man. This is also a respect issue, I need to respect myself to unleash my inner warrior and she wants to embrace me as an alpha male. The bottom line is if I’m in a relationship, I have to be a badass + bad boy to make it work.
For sex, me and my partner follow a dominate-male / submissive-female model and our cores are highly polarized the way David Deida describes, that is I’m highly masculine and she’s really girly. Nothing else works for me. I’ve tried relationships where our polarity is neutral and the sex sucks. There’s no creativity or energy there.
What’s interesting is that when I’m having a 10 sex life, I’ve noticed that she generates the idea of having a bang session more often than me, but I do the heavy lifting of engineering the session, if that makes sense. I direct the movie and fill in the fantasy, she’s the executive producer. If we’re firing on all cylinders, I should feel like I can *barely* keep up because her sexual appetite is voracious. If I occasionally get the comment that she’s “initiating sex more often,” than I know things are going well. Just don’t let that happen too much
It’s also my job to manage our sexual energy. Ideally we’d only have 2-3 sessions per week during a heavy work phase and then 4 or more during the off-season. This is because women absorb sexual energy and become more creative after having sex, while men, ironically, lose sexual/creative energy and motivation. It’s very important to manage this if you’re in a work and building phase of your professional life. Too much sex and you won’t get anything done.
Sidebar: I’ve been exploring bondage and I’ve found that it’s super healthy on many levels and helps our communication, so bondage is in. Also, I don’t trust women who don’t masturbate.
When I’m with a woman who’s highly socially intelligent, I always let her run chick game on me and otherwise test me as a man. Why? Because her social intelligence is a gift and she needs to use her gifts to feel like a woman. Also, it’s healthy because I need to be tested as a man in the relationship. Being tested is part of my destiny and provides opportunities for growth. When she gets out of line, which she will, I spank her and “punish” her when we have sex. I want her to get out of line and she wants to be spanked. That zeroes everything out and we’re all good. Plus the sex kicks ass.
From afar what this looks like is that my girlfriend is “kind of a bitch”. On a scale of 1-10, it’s a 3-4 in bitchiness. I’ve been with women who can’t control their gifts and they end up being a 9-10 in bitchiness. That’s too much. I drop those chicks. Women who have no bitchiness whatsoever can’t be trusted, because she’s either repressing her nature or a pushover, neither of which are healthy. Bottom line here is I want a girlfriend who is kind of a bitch and also a sweetheart.
So that’s it! I have it figured out and I’m looking forward to awesome dating and relationships on the backside of my 30′s. It’s been a long process to figure out relationship game, but well worth it.
Here’s a roundup of the links in this post:
- Relationships Boiled Down To Two Things
- How to Act Dumb (or Smart) and be more Attractive
- How Often Should You Have Sex If You’re Busy?
- How Do You Deal With A Bratty Girlfriend?
- Blueprint for a Man’s Life